is this fair? my spouse and I are in the process of a divorce,?

Question

when she moves out (later today) I will give her one of the cars we own (its the paid for car)
I will also pay for 6 months insurance on the car
she can take anything from the house that she wants, with the exception of my clothes,if there are things she wants I will keep them for her at no charge
I will assume all debt that we aquired in the marriage
and I will keep the house with the mortgage
her mother keeps insisting that I also pay her $1500 per month in alimony until she re-marries (if ever)
and keeps accusing me of being freedy and selfish
we do not have children between us and have been married 10 years

when I said I will keep the items she wants but can't move I meant until she can move them

it is a no fault divorce and she has refused to get a job during the course of the marriage even though I tried everything to get her to work
I have a lawyer and since she is agreeable to the settlement she and I have worked out I am trying to get the paperwork signed as fast as possible

no I never cheated or beat her
the primary reason for the divorce is that after 10 years of working 70+ hour weeks I am sick and tired of coming home to look after her and her brat kids and clean up after them
I got tired of feeling like a wallet and a slave

Marina
me keeping the house is her idea
there is very little equity due to it being a recent purchase and she does not want to be responsible for it or the payments

bonnie you did not read the details
she did not look after her kids, I did and they learned from her to treat me like crap and show me no respect

Answer 1

Alimony...what a joke. Can this woman not get a job of her own, and can her mother stay out of it? Jesus...some people always have their hand out.

Answer 2

You did not say if she also worked during the ten years. If her income and yours are about the same, everything that you have agreed to sounds fair to me. You should have given details about how much debt you are taking on from the marriage and the equity that you have in your home. If the equity in the house is fairly high, you should be buying her out in either a lump sum or through monthly payments.

If she didn't not work all the time you were married, she needs some transition time to maybe further her education, look for a job, and become financially independent. In this case, you should agree to a limited time (1 to 2 years), during which you pay alimony.

Honestly look at all the financial details and you will know if you are being fair to her or just appearing to be.

Answer 3

Well that depends, is your wife employed? Was she employed while you were married? Did you both pay the mortgage prior to the split or was it just you?

Most of the times there are limits on how long someone can receive alimony. So I couldn't imagine a situation where you would be required to pay $1500 a month unless she she was a house wife and taking care of children, and you have said you don't have children. Paying until she remarries sounds ridiculous to me. So while you having the house (and benefits of homeownership including tax write off for the mortgage and the equity) doesn't sound fair to me, it certainly doesn't sound fair for you to pay $1500 per month.

But if you do have to pay that much maybe in the end it all balances out.

Answer 4

OK, it depends on what state you live in. Do you live in community property state? If you do, then after 10 years she is entitled to alimony, she is entitled to all possessions that the two of you collected while you were together. If you think being home with children is not work....you should try it some time. If she did not do the housework and cook then that was wrong. But you knew when you married her that she had children. If you did not want her children, you should have been honest and upfront then. Divorce hurts kids. It does not matter if they were just your step children. They probably thought of you as a father figure after all those years. I feel sorry for the kids. You spew resentment at those kids. Why? It is hard for a mother to leave her small children at home and go off to work. The children are left to look after themselves and get into trouble. If anyone thinks that looking after children and keeping a house clean is not work, they do not know what they are talking about!

She is letting you off the hook easy! In this state she can make you pay alimony after 10 years until she gets married again! All the more so since she was a housewife and depended on your income for support. She needs to think for herself and her mother needs to stay out of it. If the two of you bought the house together, she would be entitled to half of that as well as any 401K and retirement accounts that you have socked away for yourself. In this state, it would be cheaper to keep her!

Answer 5

Sounds fair to me.

A judge will not order alimony if she has a job that will cover her cost of living. That's assuming the income disparity isn't that great. I mean, if she makes $40k a year and you are making $150k a year that's going to change things a bit, but not by $1500 per month. Offer her $500 a month for 12 months. She doesn't need to live off of you.

Barbara - If the husband and wife agree to divorce terms before hand and everything is written and witnessed then the judge will do nothing more than sign off on it.

Answer 6

I am sorry. You sound like a really nice person who got caught up with the wrong woman. Not everyone is like this. No you are not being unfair. Unfortunately, you should have made sure she had a job before you got married. Just learn a big lesson from this. You should not have let it go for ten years with her freeloading. Eventually, you will find the right person for you. I am going through some rough stuff with my boyfriend, and I'm not sure how things will turn out. You can read my question about Trials in relationships, I'm sure you can help me. Good luck and keep your head up.

Answer 7

Sounds fair to me.. with a little more going her way. But the definition of fair all depends on the big question of "why" you are getting divorced.. and what led up to it. Did you cheat, are you a batterer.. verbal abuse, etc. If anything of that occured then I think she should take you for everything. Allimony payments being fair also depends on your job and hers. If she doesn't work and you woke up one day and decided not to be married (like my ex did) then $1500+ is only fair. I took my ex for more than what she is taking from you.. and thank heaven you didn't have children with her.
Make sure you seek a lawyer and get everything in writing, too.

Answer 8

technically,

all furniture and property gets split in half. then the cars are looked at split between the two of you. and because she has not income, taking the car with no payments makes sense, so that would get ruled by a judge anyway, if you keep the house, then she is due half of the equity.
if she has an attorney, yes you would still be required to pay alimony.

however...it's up to her (since mom's signature isn't required on the court document) to decide what she is actually okay with.

Answer 9

It sounds like your soon to be ex-mother in law is a gold-digger. You're being more than fair. If she wants $1500 per month then let her pay her own insurance. I would still give her the car and whatever items she feels she wants. You should also suggest that she perhaps get a job or a better paying job if she needs to get all that you've offered and $1500. Trust me if you pay her $1500 until she remarries or she drops dead which ever comes first, she's not going to do either anytime soon if she can help it.

Answer 10

You sound like a good guy to me and it seems like you've been taken advantage of, but there's always 2 sides to a story. If she wasn't working, she should have a least held the home front down. Everything you have said sounds rational. she's been with you for 10 yrs so i think you should give her some alimony (depending on how financially comfortable you are with that amt). I don't think it should be till she remarries cos she just might not. That's my opinion anyway.
Good luck

Answer 11

i say let the courts decide.

everything sounds reasonable. and in most cases if you do pay alimony it's no more than if she had a full time job on minimum wage. but it sounds as though her having a job would sort her out better than anything at this point, and would make her a better example to her children.