How do I handle this situation with my daughter?

Question

My husband, and my daughter, which is 15 are not getting along. the last episode, was 2 days ago he reminded her that she was not locking the door when she left for school in the mornings. She left the door open again the next day, and I said something to her (not a lot). Then this morning when she left for school she left the door not only unlocked, but he said it was open. He is convinced she did it on purpose to prove she does what she wants. (now granted due to the thick tension between the two he has backed up from her) Now, would you say he is right, should I get behind him and discipline her. He unplugged her cable in her bedroom. Should I chill out and let her bear her punishment? (I know what is right I guess I just want some feed on it)

Answer 1

She's being defiant, my son did the same thing. You have to show her that no matter what, she will not break the bond between you and her new stepdad. You have to show a united front between the two of you and NEVER undermine each other's authority or argue where she can hear. If she believes that you BOTH will enforce the rules, and knows that she can't get you to fight with each other, she will eventually give up. A great book on this is called: "Try and Make Me." Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You say she is 15...and I don't know your daughter but my 16 year old son is very forgetful, they don't do it on purpose but their brain is not fully developed at that age, (not saying they are dumb or anything like that)> Just think and try to remember how many times have you or your husband forget the keys inside your running locked car? or closed the door of the house forgetting to take the keys! or you are driving and you know you forgot something but you don't know what it was and ...surprise you forgot the supermarket list or the laundry, etc, etc. I mean we all are humans and once in a while forget about things, even more teens. I have to CONSTANTLY remind my four boys to close the seat of the toilet so I don't have an accident thinking the toilet is ok when I use it. Is not about who is right or wrong is about consistance. Perhaps if you put a sign where she can read it as soon as she is leaving to school that reads ----> PLEASE LOCK THE DOOR WHEN YOU LEAVE <---- , after a few days I guarantee you she will not need the sign to remember she has to lock the door.
Punishing without a solution will just make everybody angry and recentful at each other. Try to calm your husband down a bit and give your daughter a chance, if after the sign she still doesn't lock the door ...then you can punish her.
I hope it helps, I have four boys, two of them teenagers and I try solutions First and if that doesn't do the trick then my next step is the punishment. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I think you should stand behind your husband on this one especially. She is showing disrespect for you two and your things by leaving the door not only unlocked but open as well. She needs to be disciplined and she is seeing that you and your husband are not a united force at this moment-so she is not going to take anything he tries to do seriously. I would not only ground her and take away cable, but phone and every other priviledge she may have. Tell her if this keeps up-she wont be able to get her license when she turns 16. Always present a united front to the children even if you two do disagree on the topic. Discuss your own disagreements behind closed doors and dont let the child see that you two are different sides of the spectrum.

Answer 4

Stand by your husband because he is right. She is 15 and cannot SHUT a door? She WOULD NOT have a key. She would be required to leave when we did and get back in the house when we were there. She needs to respect the two of you and your property.

If she leaves the door unlocked or opened one more time, take the door off her bedroom. She left the door open to YOUR safe haven.....TAKE THE DOOR OFF hers. Let her see how that works!

Answer 5

your daughter is defiant. explaine to her that your problem with the door is a security thing and it is for all of your family's protection. Then back up your husband, his punishment is not unreasonable - as long as there is a time frame say no cable for 2 weeks or whatever. If her parents are united and reasonable and calm in the face of her hostility it will help. Try to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter, maybe do something together like a lunch out, a movie you both want to see, ask her to help you with a project around the house, just let her know you love her and like her. And talk to your husband about this daughter, pick a time when you are both calm and when she cannot hear. Set the guidelines and stick together.

Answer 6

Have a united front or your daughter will see that she can win any argument by getting between you and your husband. Taking the cable away is not that bad of a punishment and she needs it. Leaving the front door unlocked and open is ridiculous. She needs to be punished and your hubby is on the right track. Stand behind him!

Answer 7

I think you should stand behind your husband because the second she feels like she can play you two against eachother, well let the fighting between you and your husband commence! Which puts the focus on eachother and not on her. You need to sit her down and explain to her the dangers of leaving the door open. Especially with rapists and muggings and home invasions. Tell her that your husband is only looking out for her best interest and so are you. And that neither one of you would be doing this hadn't not for you loving her!

Answer 8

If your husband is not being unreasonable or abusive then you should take his side and act as a team. Children and teens love to divide and conquer their parents.
Of course, if one of you is on the "outs" with her, then the other has to play the good guy (with limits)
Remind her that he is human and not always right but with that said the same applies to her. She as a member of the family has certain obligations to live up to family values and rules which are made by.......Yes you and your husband...
You expect her to act like an adult if she wishes to be treated as such and in return, you will always be there for her for the same reasons......she is family
Good Luck

Answer 9

you need to get a BACKBONE and discipline that girl. she is not grown although she may think and your non actions tell her that SHE IS NOT. she needs to be discipline by both. she needs to understand the severity of her leaving the door unlocked and more than that she need to respect the husband the one who is taking care of her nasty attitutde butt. he need to take all her stuff out of her room and her keys and make her sit outside til someone get home to let her in. she need to know that dont nothing revolve around her behind and that she will abide by the rules set forth in the house or she can leave. dont allow her to disrespect your husband on any level. she is at a point in her life where she is smelling herself and think she grown but YOU need to NIP all that non sense now before you lose your husband and it will be you and her nasty butt. tell everytime she leave that door unlocked it three days that she will be in her room cleaning this house and going know where with friends and on the phone. nip this crap in the bud now. she is not grown and she will respect the man of the house whether she likes him or not. you need to enforce that. stand with your husband and this will send a strong message to her little butt. when she asks you can she do something or go somewhere tell her to ask the husband. give him the power to get the respect he deserves from her little ungrateful butt. whether you decide always be consistent and together on everything concerning her. GodBless

Answer 10

You should back your husband up...Your daughter has been warned about leaving the door open and unlocked...Does she not realize the danger she is creating by doing this? Support your husband is disciplining your daughter....