Me & my husband, Are Seperatedm But Good Friends, & we See each Other Every Few Months, & make Love/ Eat/ But Then, We Fight More, see i have Anxiety Disorder, He cant Cope With It, He Has a Bad Back, I feel So sorry for him, Hes Low Income, I still feel sorry For him.Im so Confused its Not funny. Hes 8 Years Younger Than Me, We Both Claim To Love Each Other, but we get Along Much Better Being apart, Any Suggestions? whos Experienced? or Can Give Good Advice? Last time I seen Him, He Broke a Chair Into Pieces, Cus Of My Mood Swings With Anxiety, sometimes Its Hard To Keep on Living, Whats The Best For Us? im living with a Friend, 2 Hours away & i take a Train to Visit Him Every Few months, We do Good the First Night, Then It seems, Back To Fighting Again, Im helpless/ Worthless/ & running out of Ideas, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP !!!
2007-11-16 04:20:05 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, you are NOT worthless. You have a heart. But yours is broke and you need to make yourself better before you can help him.
2007-11-16 04:24:45 · answer #1 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See a couple's counselor. "For better or worse, in sickness and in health" means that your husband should be supportive even though you have anxiety disorder. He should be assisting your healing, not flying off the handle and making things worse. It seems like you two are toxic for each other and doing the "Can't live with you, can't live without you" dance. It's time for make or break---either you two are going to go full speed ahead into making it right and having a loving unconditional marriage, or you should seperate for good and stop this back and forth nonsense. Is this situation helping you or hurting you? This is a big question---one you should ask yourself before you get into his bed. If you're both serious about working on things, see a counselor. Good luck to you!
2007-11-16 04:26:19 · answer #2 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you both need to take responsibility for your own actions. I understand you have an anxiety disorder, but you also have control over your actions. So does your husband. People have this notion that feelings lead to actions, but it can be the other way around. What I mean is that, over a period of time, wrong actions have led to bad feelings. If you find a good counselor who can lead you two in finding steps to take in better actions, then your feelings would change. Think about when you were dating. If your date was a total jerk, then your feelings would definitely be different than if he showed up at the door with a bouquet for your mother, and then proceeded to treat you like a queen for the remainder of the evening. Of course everything is easier said than done. Find a good counselor who will give you two steps in taking personal responsibility for your actions and then changing them. You've developed this pattern over a long period of time and it will take effort on both parts. The key is to not make YOUR actions based on his actions. Base them on what you know to be right and unselfish. A counselor can help you with this.
2007-11-16 04:39:26 · answer #3 · answered by luckyme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you because you must really love this man after all you take a train to him. After all 23 yrs. And i'm sure the breaking of the chair wasn't the first incident you have had to put up with. I would stay away and see if he came my direction after all his behavior he doesn't deserve you going to him low income or not he will find a way. You have made his life to easy because you feel sorry for him Pity is not a type of love that cant sustain a marriage and it's unfair to you you really need to love your husband because of who he is not because you feel sorry for him Give it time stay away and if he doesn't come your direction after a set time that you set just go ahead and file. After all do you really want to be your husband mom and always be going to him and taking care of him it sounds like you deserve more from him but you don't even give him the chance disable or not he is more capable than you think If he really loves you just wait pray and see!
2007-11-16 04:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please, please see a doctor about your anxiety disorder. You may be able to get it under control with a regimen of drugs and/or vitamins.
If you and your hubby are continuing to make love, you are not separated in the eyes of the law. (The time length for being separated varies from state to state, but they all require some form of separation (6 months or more) and that means no intimacy.
It doesn't sound like you all really want to be apart, it's just that you're having difficulty coping with your separate challenges.
I would also suggest you find a counselor to help you learn how to fight fair (and without breaking things). If you can't afford it, try a minister, Christian counselor or rabbi (many do not require that you be a member) . Your mental health services (check with your local Department of Social Services) may also be able to refer you for counseling. There are many churches that are now starting marriage enrichment programs. Check with the Administration for Families and Children (www.acf.gov) for programs in your Region and/or local area.
2007-11-16 04:31:12 · answer #5 · answered by CGordo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion, go see a lawyer. Get a divorce and move on with your life. You can find other guys out there that do understand your problems and are willing to help you with them.
Just because he has a bad back doesn't mean anything. Lots of people have bad backs. Heck I broke my back in a fall, I don't expect people to feel sorry for me. Though I do play that card on my wife at times, she usually laughs at me and tells me to do whatever it was myself.
2007-11-16 04:30:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your doctor for a change in medication. You need to get your disorder under control.
Tell him to post a question and I will offer him a suggestion or two.
If you really do want a divorce, your first step is find a good attorney.
Good luck.
2007-11-16 04:26:00 · answer #7 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't necessarily have to get divorced but maybe a separation is an order just to see where you stand with each other . you may not even miss him one bit or you will realize you don't wanna live without him . There's only one way to find out for sure ! This way you have time to get yourself together without worrying about him !
2007-11-16 04:33:24 · answer #8 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well lets see my mom just got a divorce after 26 years of seperation..so it is possible..first go to the court house and they can start the process..it all depends on him but it can be done within 2-3 months..good luck
2007-11-16 04:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by USAF SSGT WIFEY 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are addicted to drama. Cut back on the soap operas.
Seriously, though. Get counseling.
2007-11-16 04:34:10 · answer #10 · answered by teresa 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋