Why is it "superficial" to only date men who are financially as accomplished?

Question

Firstly, it takes hard work and the right decisions to succeed, two qualities that are of value. Would you hire someone for a job without looking at their resume and past accomplishments? Secondly, why should a woman have to be limited in her activities (trips, dinner etc.) because the guy can't come up with his half of the bill?

Why is it such a virtue to say money doesn't matter, when it represents more than just a piece of paper?

nmg j: I think it's perfectly justified for a guy to only want a woman who physically take care of herself.

Also note, I said "AS accomplished"...didn't say "more" accomplished.

I never said it's the only requirement but certainly one of the top ones...not sure why some are ranting on and on about that.

LOL! How can you be a gold digger if you make as much money and pay your share of the bill?

Does love pay half of the mortgage payment too? And when the bank takes your house back, can you try to bargain with love? C'mon people, get real.

Answer 1

It has very little to do with monetary worth, it is all about things you have in common ( only the most important thing at the beginning of your relationship ). This way, you have things to talk about: your education, career moves, future goals and accomplishments, things you enjoy and can afford to pay for etc. It also makes your conversations interesting for both of you, because you can relate to each other ( you went through similar experiences ). Did not you people ever hear a statement: to each is her / his own. That is exactly what it means.

Answer 2

It also takes luck to succeed. The ultimate farce that is the American dream. That success somehow makes you more "worthy". Not everyone who is hard-working, dedicated and capable will succeed. More likely, yes, certain of success, no! Sometimes it's just dumb luck.

Also, what do you do if you were born in a poor family and have modest talent and intelligence and have to make your life digging ditches for minimum wage. Not everyone is an Einstein or Bill Gates or Trump. How is snubbing that guy any less cruel and judgemental in comparison with a guy snubbing a woman who is not physically attractive?

And quite simply it IS superficial. You are comparing finding the love of your life to hiring someone for a job! You care more about WHAT activities you are going to be doing than with whom (and what would be the problem for you to pay for his half?) as if a Galla dinner or a trip to the Caribbean are a necessary component of a deep and loving relationship. By gosh, 90% of couples of the world should live in abject misery in that case.

Oh, and it is virtue because money DOES NOT matter! Sure, it buys you basic goods and ammenities, but as a source of hapiness (at least once you reach a middle-class existence)? Terrible! However much money you make you feel that you don't have enough of it and should be making more. You'll be happy with yourself when that next promotion lands. Ad infinitum. Not to mention spending more than you earn when it's absolutely not necessary and racking up debt.

BTW, I am pretty successful and financially secure in what I do, and it is precisely because of this incredible yet humbling feeling of being so lucky and blessed that I write this.

Answer 3

I totally get what you are saying and agree although that is not the only thing I look for in a partner. I have dated guys who were stable and accomplished and made slightly less or around the same as I do, and I have also dated guys who were basically bums and didn't have a satisfying or rewarding job. My fiance is in the Coast Guard, and while he does not make too much, there is money for school when he gets out and his resume now looks very good because of the training that he has accumulated through his job in the CG. I think that it is also about someone who has goals and aspires to do well financially and to be able to provide a stable lifestyle for their family. I want someone with my same goals, and basically that is to be able to put my future kids (don't have any yet) through college, be able to travel and be able to retire at a decent age. I don't think that you are a gold digger, as the first person said, for wanting someone to share your goals with you. But know that if my fiancee or I were to have rough times, and there have been before financially, I would still be there.

Answer 4

If the woman is independent then I don't think that she is superficial, but rather, it is her preference to date someone who is financially stable or as accomplished as she is.
Everyone is entitled to preferences.

I also don't think that it's a "virtue" to say that money doesn't matter, but rather an opinion, which we are entitled to as well.
Each person places his/her value on money, it doesn't make anyone more or less virtuous (right or wrong), but simply having differences of views, for whatever reasons, which are their own.


Edit: No, love doesn't pay the bills, responsibility does, and they are exclusive of each other, yet part of love is being responsible and taking care of one another, that both (or all, if family) are fed, clothed and sheltered.

Answer 5

Coming from a career woman: I'm sick of supporting my man.

So far every relationship I have had I have made more than my partner. Not just a few cent's or a dollar but more like double (down side of being young and successful). All of them thought that meant they don't have to work and just get a free ride. One even quit his job shortly after moving in and told me if he balances the money he can make it so he'll never have to work again. We broke up a few months after when he got another job.

Now I will only date someone that has the at least close to the motivation I have when it comes to work. So far, so good.

Answer 6

Why is there a double standard, where if a woman is with a guy who is more financially secure its socially acceptable, where as if a guy is with a girl who is more successful, he is just "lazy"? It has to do with motivation. If you are shooting down guys based on bank statements, it's a little shallow. Money seems to be to much of a requirement in every decision we make now a days. There's got to be some things that we hold in regard more than cash flow.

Answer 7

Go Lioness! You're absolutely right!! Its getting a little tiring to hear all the guys moan about gold diggers, simply because we place a value on money. (Note, I said 'a' value - not the only thing that matters.) Frankly, I was always attracted to those who worked at least as hard and earned at least as much as me. Did that mean that I put money at the top of my list of 'requirements'? No - I put ambition and strong work ethic at the top - and the financial compensation just comes along.

Good one - and brace yourself for the onslaught...

EDIT: Mike T - actually, I agree with you - to a certain degree. Where we differ is that I think men should be just as concerned as women are about such things. Why would you want to date someone who will be a financial drain on you? Wouldn't you prefer to date someone of equal ambition and income? Why are women made the culprits in this? I just think that men should start raising the bar for themselves, and start thinking more like women. You'll be amazed how much easier it is if you can find a woman who can CONTRIBUTE financially!!!

EDIT 2: Mike T: I'm not sure what men base their 'connection' on, but for many women - ambitious, career driven women - that connection has alot to do with similar interests and the same level of commitment to their jobs/careers. Hours can be spent discussing business of sorts. And at that level - a keen mind is a very important part of that 'connection'. Money just goes along with it.

So I'm not basing my 'connection' on the money - but rather, the emphasis is more focussed upon the ambition level...

Answer 8

I agree completely. Personally, I would never risk pregnancy with a guy who couldn't buy a box of diapers! That's just common sense. Besides, you want someone who's got it together in his life - he has an idea of what he wants to do, and he knows where the rent money is coming from.

I wouldn't say that it is money that matters, but a guy has to have the potential to make money to be attractive to most women. My husband was a skinny, broke, graduate student when we met, but he was passionate about architecture and made enough at his part-time job to pay for his apartment. He was clearly willing to work hard to accomplish what he wanted, and I found that to be an important consideration when we first started dating - even if he was broke at the time!

Why is it important to women? Because we're the ones who get pregnant. This is a cross-cultural, based in evolution part of mate selection. You cannot just turn off your genetic legacy in order to be PC. Women will be attracted to men without jobs just as soon as guys start preferring homely 60 year old women to young fertile ones. Not going to happen, by and large.

Answer 9

You cant put lipstick on a pig. No matter how you twist and turn it if you have the money and unwilling to pay the bill for the man you are in love with you are uncapable of love since Mr Right can become Mr. Wrong if the paycheck aint up to your standards.

Answer 10

If that is you only qualifications you are vain and a gold digger for sure

If you are looking to "Hire: a man they do have places you can go for that but I think it is illegal.

Yes success is important but if that is all you look for that is all you will get a man that is good at his job
He will most likely be a lousy husband and father.

If he is good at his job but he also is very caring and a great person then you win on both sids
Tell you though I'd rather have some one that is good to me than just great at a job.

What if you find this guy that is very succesfull but her beats up on you? Is the money and trips worht getting a beating every day?