Need your opinion on your marriage...?

Question

I have looked at and studied relationships for years and have come to a conclusion I want to peoples opinion on. Here it is...

The vast majority of people who have married did not marry because they truely "in love with someone", but rather because they are afraid of the pain of loosing the one they are with. Do you agree with this statement? Meaning, did you marry not because you were truely in love with your partner, but rather because you would have been devastated by loosing them? Please be honest...

Thanks for the comments!! I am very encouraged by what many of you said... Thanks!! :-)

Also, in my opinion, the time someone has been married has little to do with whether the marriage was successful or not. In fact, to me the sad fact is not the number of divorces, but rather the number of cowardly and miserable people who should be divorced.

Secondly if you cannot tell a difference between the two, then it is a strong indicator of your emotional maturity. Many times in life you must be willing to let your current reality die so that you can obtain the next level of understanding yourself as a person. Meaning happiness is not within someone else, but rather it has always been within yourself and is unrelated to circustance. Your unwillingness to accept the pain of killing your current reality is truely your limitation to personal growth...

Answer 1

Marriage is a great institution ....... if you like being institutionalized.

Answer 2

I think people don't have long enough courtships to know if they really are in love with the person they are with Hence the fact the longer a couple is together they usually end up not getting married and just keep living together. Alot of people say see them through every season that is long enough time a yr. But to me this is too short.I think judgement gets clouded when people have too short of a courtship because they are ruled by feelings because they still don't see the person the way they are because they havn't faced enough together. What you say above is not only a reason people may use to get married but definitely a reason people stay married out of fear of being alone familiarity ect none of it has to do with love. After all you have to really know somebody to know if you love THEM not the fake them. Its really sad and a lot like gambling some people marry quick and find out the person loved them others find out they never knew them or the other person well enough .

Answer 3

I mean there will always be that fear of losing them however; I don't think that fear would be there so much if you didn't love them! I married my Husband because I loved him & I didn't want to lose him and Of course I feel that same way today but my love for him has definatly grown and the fear of losing him has infact decreased because I am more secure in my marriage! I knew from the day we were an offical couple that I wanted to marry him and start a family and face trials and good times together So I think I didn't want to lose him because I loved him & thats why were are married!

Answer 4

I married my husband because I truly love him...I saw a bigger picture than us just being young and having a family together...I saw us thrity and forty years later with our grandchildren in hand...There are people who marry for all the wrong reasons but, at the same time they are not as happy anyone could think....Those are the marriages that don't last at ALL.....

Answer 5

I 100%, absolutely, positively married my husband for love! Of course there's fear of loosing someone you love, b/c no one wants to feel the pain when you love someone that deeply, but I don't think that would encourage a marriage.

Answer 6

I see a lot of wholes in your argument. There are quite alot of people out there who are driven solely by money and marry for financial gain. For instance, if a woman marries and rich man and has a great life, she probably would be fearful of leaving him (not because she fears the loss of his love), but because of the loss of the lifestyle.

Answer 7

i don't agree. i would say if they aren't marrying for love, they are marrying for reasons of lonliness or for finances. yes both of those reasons sound selfish, so i'll explain. we as humans crave companionship. more often than not, people will marry the first one who asks them, fearing that they may never be asked again. as far as marrying for finances, that can go one of two ways. you're a selfish golddigger. or you are a single mother who has been struggling for so long and a relatively decent man comes along, cares about you and your kid(s), and is able to provide better necessities of life for you and your kid(s). she's more likely to jump on the marriage wagon than to let it roll on by.

Answer 8

I think afraid of loosing someone entails with LOVE and with deep connection emotionally....so that makes it marrying with love.

I married my guy because I want to be with him for life and that also means I love him...

Answer 9

1st marriage ~ I was a single mom and I marries the first guy that asked b/c I thought my daughter deserved a father. Her dad was in jail. I did not love him.

Current Marriage ~ Totally, amazingly in love and never been happier!

Answer 10

I disagree with you. My first marraige was out of lonliness. My 2nd marriage was out of true love, but there is an element of fear of losing him. The fear of loss stems from my love for him, and not the other way around as your statement would suggest.

Answer 11

In my marriage, we married because there was a child on the way. but that does not mean anything. I disagree, I think you are stereotyping everyone.