Can I get some advice?

Question

Hello everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. My boyfriend of almost 2 years - he's a very great guy. He's sweet and caring - but sometimes I really worry because I catch myself dealing with a boy. He has been in and out of jobs since 06 and that always made me feel iffy because I am one to work... I had to grow up fast because I had a son at a young age. I have so many goals and dreams that really do look realistic and some I am fulfilling. I guess I can say I have reached a point in my life where I have discovered myself and catch myself not caring about the things that I used to care about so much. I feel like my day lags because he doesn't work. He lives in my home. He helps with my son. I know he loves me, but to be quite frank, he's lazy and isn't proactive with the things you'd expect from a 23 year old. He just seems out of focus and it's really wearing me out, but I am such a patient and loving gal and have faith and belief. But I'm slowly running low

In addition to my post... I have spoken to him numerous times, and I feel now that I've addressed it so much and still sorta do, that it goes through one ear and out the other. I feel I can put most of the blame on myself for allowing it. But, his work means dear to me and I empathize when he expresses his thoughts. At this point, it's just annoying, frustrating, and I feel fed up. Yet, I understand it's typical to hold on and not give up. There's always Something that slips through the cracks with him and that definitely worries me. The simplest tasks become so overlooked. I'm a lazy person, too, but after working 9-6 hardcore I feel I can treat myself to that. At the same note, I guess growing up you start to find joy in a lot of things you didn't when you were little and I want so bad to share that joy with him bc as far as our compatibility - it's awesome. But I don't know, this isn't HS anymore, and it's just time to be grown. I really do want it to work out....

Answer 1

Your boyfriend of 2 years lives with you and doesn't work?

Tell him that you don't want to have anymore sex before marriage and that you want to be in a financial situation good for marriage (example him getting a job).

If these things don't scare him away then he will shape up.

Answer 2

Have you talked to him about this? If he doesn't know how you feel about the situation then he has no incentive to change it. My fiance was the same way for about 4 months...and it got to the point that I could not take it anymore. When you put your foot down and let him know that you expect finacial input as well as emotional and physical he may wake up and get back on track...if he love you and wants to be with you. Sit him down and let him know how much it is taking out of you to be the only bread winner in this family. He may not realize the stress that it puts you under unless it's put in his face.
If he still refuses to hold a job, then you need to make a decision that will be positive for both you and your child's future. It does hurt when it comes down to leaving, but sometimes it's the best decision. He may need more time to "grow up".
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Make him leave your home and tell him he can't come back unless he gets it together, at least at that point you'll find out how serious he is about wanting to plan a life with you. You are way more mature than he is due to the fact that you had to grow up early in life...23 for a guy is not mature at all, there's always exceptions to the rule but it usually takes people until about the age of 30 to get it together.

Good luck

Answer 4

You are just like me with your thinking. You look far into the future and want your goals to someday be met. Your boyfriend is 23 and I remember being 23, at that time I have owned my own home for 2 years. At the same time I dont think I could date someone with children(no offense) so look at him helping your son as a blessing. Good luck and always keep your goals.

Answer 5

I am guessing that you are both about the same age,
Unfortunatly you have had to grow up, and he is progressing at the standard rate.
Most guys in this age bracket are like this, unless something motivates them (I'm 31, my BF is 24, when he isn't working at the computer, he sits and stares..)
If he is living in your house, then you need to make the rules,
Get at least a steady part time job,help with the cooking and housework, be naked and ready when I get home from work......

Answer 6

Time to have a little talk... "Shape up or Ship out"!!! Tell him EXACTLY how you feel and that you are not going to carry his weight any longer!!! If he does not change... he has to go!!! (great guy or not) He is setting a terrible example for your child... He seems really comfortable in the current situation so give him a time line in which you expect this change will take place... Believe me you will be doing what is right for all involved including him!!!

Answer 7

I guess you could say that you feel like you have two sons instead of one. He needs to stop depending on you to be his mama and grow up. Some guys don't grow up till they're 40. It might be time for you to reconsider whether or not he's the one for you. Yes, he helps at home, but if you want someone who gets out there and does more, then look for someone else and have this one move on out.

Answer 8

He is not marraige material. You will be supporting the kids. He has alot of growing up to do and become a man! You are allowing his to bum around, do you think hes going to freely give that up???? be tough and tell him get a job (a real lasting job) or move on. It will be hard but in the long run you will suffer more if you let his get accustomed to this lifestyle of lesiure.

Answer 9

I would have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you can't help but worry about the future because you have a child. Ask him about his goals. Does he actively look for work? It's really not fair for you to carry the full load. He needs to contribute (other than helping you with your son). You don't want to end up with a dead beat.

Answer 10

Communication is key. Express to him how you feel. Give him an opportunity to change. If he doesn't then move on.. If you're unhappy now, you will continue to be unhappy. You don't want to look back 5 years from now wondering why you didn't leave.. You're young, don't settle, live life the way you want to..