Serious answers please !! Husband help?

Question

I have been with my husband for 5 years i love him very much but he has a horrible temper. He never has hit me he just calls me horrible names , like lazy , a ***** and the C**t word. He gets mad over really silly things. He breaks me down then tells me how sorry he is and it will never happen again how many chances can i give him. Im 30 dont want to be misreble the rest of my life . I hate when he screams in my face. WHat should i do ?

Answer 1

Please contact the local domestic violence shelter or hotline in your area. You are the victim of verbal abuse, you have been hit just as hard as if he balled up his fist and slammed it in your face. I married a man like that, and was married nearly 14 years. The most unfortunate thing I can say is that not only did I endure similar verbal tirades, but I didn't get help for myself or him before it was too late. We ended up divorcing after many terrible injuries to one another and our children-adultery, money hiding, etc. It was a crazy life about 10 years into it, and the crazy lasted for 3 years before it finally blew up.

However, I honestly believe that if you can get help for yourself, you might begin to understand how to address his behavior, too. Most people will tell you to leave-get out now- and those kinds of things.

I want you to know that since our divorce, my ex did realize how terribly wrong his conduct was, he did seek counseling and dealt with many issues from his own family as growing up, and now he is married to a woman that he treats very differently from me. He treats her with respect.

People can change. So many believe that they can't but life itself is about change. I encourage you to move forward with educating yourself about this kind of abuse-without taking responsibility for it. I spent about 2 1/2 years in therapy after that deprogramming myself from believing that I was stupid, ugly, lazy, etc. Call the shelter, meet with a volunteer or other person trained to deal with abuse. Keep yourself safe. He hasn't hit you yet, but believe that if something doesn't change - he will. My first fat lip was after 10 years of marriage. I had myself convinced that since he didn't hit me, it wasn't that bad-just like every other woman that goes through this type of abuse.

Please understand that I am not advocating for you to put up with it, I am not telling you to stay in a miserable relationship. What I am recommending is that you contact professionals that can support you-also contact your clergy if you have one. Because if your husband eventualy sees that he shouldn't act the way he does, and he wants to change, it can happen.

But if he doesn't, walk away.

Answer 2

Make an appointment for him with his doctor. Make him get a check up. Sometimes high blood pressure which is undiagnosed can make people explode. At any rate.. you can tell the symptoms to the doctor in the same visit or make an appointment with your husbands doctor BEFORE he goes to him so you can tell the doctor what is going on. Someone has to know to help you, understand? Your husband may be ashamed of his behavior problem but he also might never tell the doctor about it either. You need protection in the form of the doctor KNOWING what is going on. The doctor can decide from there what to do. It may only be a physiological problem. Best to get it checked now before this becomes an over the edge situation.

God bless you two.

Answer 3

Suggest counseling. If he won't go or stops going tell him you'll leave and mean it. This is in no way your fault. Right now it's only name calling but it can and will turn into more the longer you let it go on. My husband doesn't even say those names to or about anyone in or out of my presence noneless to me. You so much deserve better. If he really loves you he will get help.

Answer 4

All guys like porn. Guys are very visual and quickly turned on and excited by porn. This is why porn is so common on the Internet. It works. But, and this is important, it doesn't mean you're not good enough for him or that you don't sexually satisfy him. Remember that. The main reason girls are upset is because they think they need to be the only one who takes care of their guy's sexual urges. In time, they come to realize this isn't the case and it doesn't mean they're not good enough. Just because a couple is married, it doesn't mean they have to depend on each other for everything. As couples grow together in their marriage, they come to realize this and feel comfortable with it.

Answer 5

hay hun its abuse it will start out with calling you horrible names then soon or later he will hit you. you have to leve the man i know you love him but what he is doing is really wrong. my dad used to hit my mum and call her names he never stop even when he said iam sorry this will never happen again it always did. if you stay with him you will be misreble for the rest of your life he is not worth all the pain

Answer 6

It doesn't matter how long you have been together, a temper like that doesn't go away, and chances are it will get worse if it's not dealt with.

2 choices - get him to some sort of therapy for anger management, or leave.

Answer 7

I really empathize. I was in a similar situation. I also tried to "work it out". It progressively became worse. As painful as it is, cut your losses before the rage escalates.
I doubt that he admits that he has a problem, therefore getting help is out of the question. Start planning now (putting money back, locate housing) and get out before it's too late.
Good Luck

Answer 8

If I were you I'd start by leaving...If your 30 then I'm figuring he's near the same age and he has the temper of a teenager...It's too late he's not going to grow up a whole bunch more.

Answer 9

You basically answered this yourself. you don't want to be misable for the rest of your life. Verbal abuse can be far more damaging than physical. He is in your head,trust me I,d know been there done that and I still to this day occ. doubt myself and we haven,t been together in 6 years.Stand up for yourself and leave. Yes it will hurt no one should say its a easy thing to do, but you will feel better....alot like a burden has been lifted in the long run.

Answer 10

Whether you realize it or not you are being abused - and abuse just gets worse. Offer him the opportunity to get help in the form of counseling and if he refuses, run don't walk to the nearest exit! It will only get worse, not better unless he will get help and you're right, you don't want to be miserable the rest of your life, and you don't deserve it.