Divorced and need advice?

Question

I have been divorced now for over a year. I found out my ex hubby of 14 1/2 years had been lying and doing things behind my back. I gave him so many chances and finally got the divorce. We have 4 sons and now I find myself wondering what to do now. I have my own small buisness and have the home and my beautiful children. But seems the ex is still in the picture. I tell him that it is to painful and he needs to just see the kids but he gets mad and wants to get together again. He says he found God yet we still argue all the time. Always tells me no man will ever do for me all the tings he did. I am 38 years old, I am nice looking but I cant seem to get to know anyone new. I have lost so much self esteem I feel as though I walk with my head down and cant nake eye contact? I dont want to be alone forever. Any advice would be great because at this point I am so confused and dont trust men. He was my best friend and betrayed me for so many years. I need the courage to move on and look up!

Thank you all for the wondeful advice. It means alot to me to hear others have been where I am and have gone on to be happy in new relatioships. My priority is my children and I know somewhere along the line mom needs happiness too. I will try to walk tall again with my head held high and not let him tell me no one else is out there for me! Thanks so much ~

Answer 1

It will pass.....just force yourself to stand up straight and look people in the eye. You are still young. I divorced at 44 and found the best looking, kindest man who is successful and respectable. We are married now and I am very lucky. The only thing I will warn you about is getting involved with a man with an ex wife and children....my husbands ex tries to make our life a living hell....other than that it is really good. Blended family situations, no one ever warned me about...read about it because you have children, you will have one some day. To deal with your ex, you can have the court mandate that he only communicates to you about the children. Sticking to this topic and this topic only will redefine your relationship and make for an easier life. My ex and I only talked about our daughter for the first two years we were apart...our relationship is great now, only about our daughter...and she is happy and well adjusted. What I did when I first seperated was make new friends, other single moms. We had our children on the same weekends and we would take our kids out the weekends we had them to do things. On the weekends we didn't we would go out together and have fun. This was the most liberating thing for us....we grew together, we have all remarried and now our husbands have a group of friends because of this. It is a great situation for you, you can have and can become anything that you desire. Take this opportunity to find the true life that you always wanted....know that all men aren't deceitful and there is one of them out there for you.

Answer 2

Try a singles cruise while your ex has the kids. You meet lots of people there. Also there are dance classes. Focus on other things other then the ex. If you truely want him only involved with the kids. Have plans when he shows up. get him in and out of your house asap. Or have a drop off point until he de-personalizes.And I hope nobody does to you what he did...Thats why you were divorced right? I was there too for a while. but life moved on and I am very happy

Answer 3

Honey, my husband left me with 7 kids after 27 years of marriage and I do understand all the feelings of inadequacy, disillusionment, betrayal and confusion. There are also the feelings that have not died and the heart tug of war. I was in the same boat with mine back and forth and the visitations were killing me because I was so wounded. I finally moved, in fact I moved 2385 miles away. He still has visits on my terms and I have a fresh start. The move made all the difference in my personal perspective. The constantly seeing him is what was fueling all the emotions and confusion. You may not be able to move so far but, getting out of his realm will give you control of your life. New surrounding and new people and friends also helps with beginning new relationships without him, where you are seen as single, available and responsible for your own life. I did not run from my problems, I sat down and planned the beginning of the rest of my life without him, (with the exception of his child visitations). Even a couple hours away makes scheduling and time with him easier to handle. The less contact with him the sooner you will heal. There are guys that are out there that have been through what you are going through and life goes on. Distance sure helped me!

Answer 4

It takes time...first you definitely need to only talk to him concerning the children. He is now nothing more than the father of your children. DO NOT LET HIM TALK YOU DOWN. Second, don't worry about meeting anyone else right now. Work on you and rebuilding your self esteem. The stronger you are the better off you will be when choosing a new partner in life.

Answer 5

It took me about 3 yrs to get over it and move on. All of a sudden I realized that I was happy, and so much better off. The best advice I can give is to try not to concern yourself with the 14.5 yrs you were married and what your ex is doing now. That is the past and you ex's activities are no longer your concern. Worrying about him will eat you up inside and prevent you from moving on. Good luck.

Answer 6

GET COUNSELING, THAT WELL HELP YOU. YOU ARE YOUNG AND CAN FIND SOMEONE WHO WELL TREAT YOU WONDERFUL.