Lame (haha diggin my own grave)
Yeah yeah you got me smokin two packs a day!
I'm sure my lungs are now charcoaled gray! (*lights another stick)
At night i get all shitfaced i drown my tears away
can't believe this mess you put me through!
all the crap you do has made me Oh so blue
Now i'm wasted! wasted i tell ya this is true!
countless emptie bottles under a pile of dirty ashes
gawd and the rashes oh these rashes! (*opens another bottle)
My oh my! the nerve to dump on me this pain
What a shame! Oh baby baby you are so lame!
____________________________
yeah i know...it's like "smelly cat" =P
2007-11-16 01:49:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Lolz at Pixel =P
2007-11-16 02:15:29 · update #1
i bet avril lavign would want to put this into a song...'so like her dontcha think? =D
2007-11-16 09:10:32 · update #2
btw i'm a fan, Avril Lavigne rocks!
2007-11-16 09:12:25 · update #3
@soop
1-1.01 only
so that the odds of me getting hurt will be very little =P
haha
2007-11-16 12:25:47 · update #4
@ Noah
hahaha! let's do a concert! =D
2007-11-16 12:26:45 · update #5
I'm ah in sarain pain
pluck the cat, flour the cat, roll the cat, bake the cat, ya ya ya
dew be dew be dew
2007-11-16 11:50:23 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, have to agree with the smelly cat comment. The kind of kitty that has an old fashioned litter box. But it has a lot of emotion in it!
2007-11-16 08:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's not necessary that poetry should rhyme. if you want to put a rhyming scheme to your poem, you ashould also think about meter, as in 10 syllables, 8 syllables, whatever. i don't like this one so much. the other one. that struck me like a freight train in the middle of the night. try to restrain the emotion. like you did with that other poem. takes practice, i know. don't throw this away, though. keep it, then come back to it after a time. hey, don;t let the screaming of the lambs get to you.
2007-11-16 08:56:05 · answer #3 · answered by weird child 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you mean a scale from 1-10?
Well, it is very gloomy, but if that is what it is spost to be then it works. i guess 3 for poetry generally and 5 for gloomy or blue poem.
2007-11-16 05:53:17 · answer #4 · answered by noone 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh, yes! Pour your darkness into space!
All of it. All the filth that clouds your lungs.
I can't understand why you still live your life yesterday.
If you like inspirational poetic prose, read "The Prophet" by Kahil Gibran.
2007-11-16 03:03:24 · answer #5 · answered by Lance 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well....smelly cat was an inspiration. On a scale of 1-1.01 Iwould have to rate it....... 1.016.......you got some good stuff going on....may need some tweaking and you may wanna seek a doctors advice on those rashes. :)
2007-11-16 04:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it definately is in the 'smelly cat' category and on that rating it gets an 11!
2007-11-16 02:07:39 · answer #7 · answered by waggy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Smelly cat !?!? You just said it... What do you mean by "stroke of genius"? Perhaps you should consider painting.
Try to use decent language or call it 'rap' not poetry.
Either way, rap is not my favourite kind of pollution.
2007-11-16 02:03:15 · answer #8 · answered by Pixel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The monosyllabic word 'Moon',
Rhymes so very well with 'June',
But when they're combined,
And poetically entwined,
The writer looks like a buffoon.
Too much moon and June going on here.
2007-11-16 02:23:20 · answer #9 · answered by Gaspode the wonder dog 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first four lines sound like it could be in one of those commercials that are against smoking cigarettes... 6... I've read way better writings from you...
2007-11-16 11:40:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋