I have been married for over a year. My wife and I been getting in to some heated fight the last couple month.

Question

I am 21 year old college student we have a three month old boy. Which I love so much. But right know I am in the point of saying f-------- it and getting a divorce. Taking care of my son and living the single life. The spark in are relationshp has died.She do not trust me and it is driving me crazy. Should i make it work just for my boy. Or should I just forget about it. I been so used of doing my own thing my entire life. I feel that I said I do just for the kid. Who ever have a good answer to that hit me back.

Answer 1

First of all, you have to ask yourself WHY doesn't she trust you? Have you given her a reason or is she just paranoid? Secondly, you guys are going through A LOT with a 3 month old baby and making irrational decisions is probably not the best thing for now. If you feel like you need a break, tell her honestly that you love her, but you need some time...take that time to sort your feelings out. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

There are many things you must learn...first, love isn't a spark in a relationship, love is a committment, love is not selfish (doing your own thing), love is not a "feeling" it's an action. You choose to love...Now that the both of you have gotten past the in love/infactuation stage reality seems to hit home. By you running from the situation is not going to make things better, for you or your child. No matter how hard it may seem right now, with all the different pressure's of life, you can have a "GREAT" marriage with the woman you are married to. For whatever, reason many people get married..being pressured, a child, fear of being lonely, etc.... But you and your wife getting married is honorable in the eyes of God, and my suggestion to you is to stay, don't go and do your own thing...stop being selfish, and take your wife's feelings into consideration when making decisions. Learn to communicate with your wife, whether its words, writing, emails, etc... Get to the root and find out why she don't trust you...you may already know the answer. The only information we have to go by is what you've told us. Pray and ask God to give you the strength and to keep you committed to your marriage.

Answer 3

I agree with happydia 100 percent! If you want to leave because you are having tough times your being foolish the grass is not greener somwhere els and you will hurt your child. Seeking your own happiness elswhere you will probably end up in a worst relationship than your first Your problems are not unfixable now nobody stays in the in love stage forever Real life and problems take over and marriage is a test of what kind of person you are. When the tough gets going a man that leaves won't have a very rewarding life. Because a man that leaves his wife and child never sees the rewards that come after toughing out during the tough times. Your blessed right now more than you know. Don't be foolish and run off because you can't turn back and you will realize only when it's to late what you had thats how it usually works.

Answer 4

why doesnt she trust you? have you done something to ruin her trust? staying in a relationship just for kids is not a good thing, the child is going to pick up on any tension,as well as the child will base his future relationships on his parents relationships. Its best if the marriage doesnt work out that both parents stay involved in everything the children are interested in and not to play on the childs emotions, it is hard to be friends after any kind of break up but it must be done for the childs sake,my huhsband and i are in the process of divorce right now after 5 years of marriage and 3 kids, and the hardest thing is is keeping a common ground,and not involving the children in adult B.S. and any indifferences you have with one another, no matter how simple the break up may seem to go... it never goes with the flow,someone always makes waves and does the blame game,i would suggest counsiling if you feel this is just a phase, she did just have a baby a few short months ago, that takes alot out of a woman, she has litteraly been sucked dry of all her internal recourses,maybe she has post partum depression and should speak to her dr. by no means ever throw that up in her face if she may or may not have, that will be throwing a dagger at her emotions, does she nurse the baby? maybe she feels overwhelmed,thats very common in new moms(any moms actually) be sensitive to her needs,you and the baby arent the only ones who needs things,even the little things count,does she get enough time for herself? Good luck and try to work things out,things are rough when a new baby is in the picture... EVERYTHING CHANGES.EVERYTHING!

Answer 5

Having a baby is stressful. It can strain the best relationship, let alone one where one person in staying out of obligation rather than love and commitment. I would say give it some more time. You are way too willing to call it quits. Hang in there, be patient, and build a relationship with your son's mother. I'm sure she is just as stressed out as you are. You two need to be leaning on each other, not pulling away from each other.

Answer 6

Okay, so you're just like every other guy your age and you when you disagree with someone, your wife in this case, you feel like you HAVE TO WIN. Your wife is doing the same thing. It is perfectly okay not to agree on everything but you must learn to respect other's opinions or your will loose...loose your family. So what is more important here...winning or your family. There are a lot of pressures on both spouses when you have a young child, there are a lot of responsibilities. Those responsibilities make it hard to keep the spark going but it also makes fighting more frequent. If you wife doesn't trust you, try sitting with her and listen to what she has to say without defending yourself. You will need to agree on ground rule before you start this discussion like no interupting, no trying to explain your actions and not yelling. You may have to get someone to watch the boy so there are no distractions but really listen without trying to justify or discount what she says. Agree that if either of you starts to get angry that you say let's stop and take a breath before we continue. When you do continue, explain why you felt that you had to stop without accusing the other. Really try to attack the problem and not the other person. Mutual understanding is key to the success of resolving problems. My wife and I have been married for 18 years and I use to try and win when we fought. My dad gave me this advise during my fifth year of marriage because I felt the same as you do now (I as 23.) It took some doing and some practice and now we talk about everything. We do this thing we call "pillow talk" were we lay in bed about an hour before bed time and we talk about our day, we talk about anything that may be bothering us about something other person may have done. When we talk about these things openly, they never lay there and fester into anger. Our love for each other is stronger that it has ever been and our kids have learned this same techneque for resolving problems with their siblings and friends.

Answer 7

Sounds like you both are stressed. Take a night or even a weekend to yourselves. (NO ONE ELSE) Only if you have to then take the baby. If grandparents are close, then drop him off with them and you and your wife go home, strip naked and chase each other around the house, cook a meal or go out to your favorite place if you cant cook. You can do this. You need a break. Take one every now and then. If you have the money, do it big if not stay at home or go to the park. DO THOSE THINGS YOU DID BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED. HELLO.

Answer 8

look, just do it for the boy for now and better times would come. I think it happens in most marriages when puppy love dies and the serious love needs to replace it but between this stages there is a lot of confusion and you feel like just giving up and leaving. i know I've been there done that but it gets easier as long as you guys decide to work on your relationship, communication, trust...and your little boy is the most important think in your life right now, you would want to take care of him so he could say my parents were a great example to me, they stayed together even when tough times came which helps me to get trough that myself...all the best.

Answer 9

you haven't been doing your own thing your entire life, you are only 21; so you may have been doing your own thing for the last 3 years...which is why you are married with a 3 month old baby......you should understand that it would be highly UNLIKELY that any judge would give you custody of a three month old baby over the babies mother.....you should have listened to your parents when they told you to have safe sex and not to get married so young; but you didn't and now you will be paying that price for the rest of your life......

Answer 10

You made a commitment to your wife when you married her....You both are still very young....you should seek some counseling....Does she have a reason to not trust you? She needs to get to the root of her insecurities....You said that you are still in College...is it possible that she is concerned about finances? Sex and money are the two of the top reasons for divorce....Don't be so quick to throw in the towel...Give your marriage your best shot...you owe that to your wife and your son...