My wife doesnt love me anymore, and I can tell, what to do??

Question

We have been together for nearly 5 yrs, 2 happy kids together..She's 23, Im 28. I told her I wanted to wait to get married because when she turns 23 she will go through a phase where she doesnt want to be tied down.. exactly what's happening now. Sex is like once a month, I am understanding, honest, and have never cheated. I love my kids, and put my families needs before mine, but she says she is going crazy and cant take fighting, when she starts the fights?!? I want to go out and have fun too, but one child has medical needs, and getting a babysitter is not easy. I also went from making over $100K/yr to less than $40K after business crashed and lost everything, but working so hard to rebuild for my family. I never go out, and am always there for my family, andspend all my off time with them. She isnt superficial, so its not the lifestyle that is getting to her, its being with me and I can tell. I dont want live w/o my kids, and want to make it work. What to do??

Answer 1

Talk to her! Tell her exactly what you just wrote, and she'll see how much you love her, your family, and how much you want this to work. She is a VERY lucky woman, and if she does leave, she'll find out how lucky she was the hard way.

If talking to her and trying to communicate with her about what she wants/needs doesn't work, suggest counseling. Good luck!

Answer 2

Instead of assuming, the 2 of you need to sit down and have a serious talk to find out what exactly the problems are, and make a plan as to how best to fix them. If this requires a counselor, then so be it, and go. But yes she is young, and she did not have time to really live her life, and do things as a single woman, and so now she is wondering what it would have been like had she chosen a different road. But it is too late for that now. she has children who love her and need her. She may also be getting depressed or is depressed, and need medication. Unfortunately, this is what so many young girls do not think about, they think that they already know everything, and "NO I WILL NOT BE THAT WAY" If you are in a rut, by this I mean the 2 of you not going out much, then you need to find a family member or friend that you trust to watch the children for a few hours so that you and your wife can go out. But don't use the people you get to baby sit. Don't stay out really late, go out early so that you can get back about 9- or 10, and be on time, not 1 or 2 hours later. A really nice restaurant just the 2 of you with a grandparent watching the kids once or twice a month goes a long way with a woman.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear this. All marriages go through rough patches. When there are kids involved, it makes it doubly important to work through it instead of giving up.

The only thing you can do here is talk to her. Find out how she is feeling. Find time when there are no children around and the two of you have time to really talk it through. Everyone recommends counselling, but I think in many ways that is counterproductive - it kind of labels the marriage as being in difficulty. I am sure that the two of you can talk this through in a civilised way without the need to pay for someone to sit and listen to it.

She needs to tell you what it is she really wants - from you, from the marriage, from her life. Ask her to think about where she wants to be. She needs to tell you what, if anything, she needs from you to make things better.

For your part, you need to do the same. You need to tell her not what she is doing wrong, but what you need from her. There is a difference.

You have a child with medical needs. That must be a strain on you both. Don't underestimate how hard that can be on a marriage. You are a good father, and a good provider, but that in itself may not be enough. Be a team on this. If she is struggling to cope with things, take over. Give her a break, and likewise she should do the same for you.

You say you never go out. You should. You need a life of your own, as does she. She should try to go out with friends once a week. And once a week you should be having a night either out or in together doing something fun. If you can't get a babysitter, have people over for dinner, or have a romantic night together.

Until you know what she wants, you can't move forwards.

Answer 4

"ten or twenty years of drunkeness would make a skeptic out of anyone" -- Alcoholics Anonymous. If you arent drinking anymore then there is probably no need for AA but you may want to pick up the book Alcoholics Anonymous (or just download it, get a dictonary too because the words have not been changed since its original printing in 1937) This book and the program it contains have helped millions of alcoholics, addicts and their families. I would also suggest therapy for you as an individual and as a couple. If she wont participate then you have a big decision to make. Is she like this because she is hurt by your actions and needs time to heal? or is this just her and it will never change ? (only you know the answer, its there, look deep enough, you'll find it if you want to) Best of Luck

Answer 5

don't fool yourself ok...when you was making $100k/yr I would said things was going great and sex was there when you wanted, right? Now, you making $40k/yr and sex is once a month and she starts fight with you? The $60k that you lost have limited her lifestyle and she don't want to deal with the down side of life. If she dead set on leaving you because of that, there is no way to change her mind. If she love you deepp down, there is no real reason for her to behave this way towards you.

Answer 6

Listen, Kids can't hold a marriage together.. The only thing i can think of is that you guys need to seek counseling before it gets worst or before going forth with a divorce... Look at divorce as ur last resort and TRY!!! its not that she doesnt love you,,, its just a phase... Talk to her about it... Tell her exactly how you feel... and maybe you guys can go to a marriage counselor and work on your marriage together...

Answer 7

It good that she is not superficial but i'm sure that since the business failed more than your finances changed. You must be depressed? Maybe it's your attitude especially since you have to work harder now this had to affect you in someway . Try to see how and change back to the old you or not worry so much maybe your more irratable now. Alot of relationships fail because one or both people change and don't even realize it. Im sure this great loss of income has changed you try to see how and go from there. Especially since a mans self worth is connected to how much he makes alot of times. Godbless you and your family.

Answer 8

I would try and see if your wife wants to go to marriage counseling. That way you are both in a safe environment and can talk about the problems that you are both facing. If you can come to agreement with the problems then great! But if you cant at least you know that you tried to make it work.

Answer 9

interesting. im 26 and my g/f is 25. we started dating out of college for 2.5 yrs now. We always hanged out with my family and my friends alot of the time. But all she wants now is to party, drink, hang with people her own age, etc. Its ok but we are on a break now. I say your kids come first.

Answer 10

You both should talk to a marriage counselor....These issues are very fixable...Everyone needs a break from time to time....How do you know for sure that she doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you? Maybe it is bothering her more about your financial situation than what you realize...Women want to feel financially secure...and if they don't they tend to shut down emotionally and sexually sometimes...