how long would you wait?

Question

my bf & i have been together for almost 4 years now & we have talked about getting married or atleast gettin engaged...we are starting to put money away to buy his grandparents house we just bought him a newer car mines coming soon...i was a kinda joking kinda not & picked out a ring he just said yea i will look at it and thats all but he seems as if he has no interest (they ring wasn't anything he couldn't afford either and i love it its maybe one pay check)
im ready to not just be a "gf" any more i have alot of friends that hare already married or getting married soon that have been going out alot less time then we have its starting to bug me like he really doesn't want to...i just dont' want to put money & time into a relationship & then a house if its gonna be for some other girl down the road

if i ask him about it he changes the subject...his family even said hes taken forever

so my question is how long would you wait to get married or engaged?
im ready to not just be

we have joint everything when it comes to money that is why i said we bought him a car

MRSA Girl...yes we have joint money and our own we put some money away but not much for those other accouts mine has more...also i have my own car i have a pretty good job and am going to school in Jan
we already said if we break up we split the money in the other accout 60 40 since he does have a better paying job (thats fine w/ me)

as for his grandparents house they want ot sell it in the next 2-3 years so we are banking money to put on a down payment we are very close to a good down payment...but if we don't have the money they are gonna sell it to the public

if i did have to move out of our apartment i would go live w/ a friend who offered his apartment when ever i want (hes a very close friend to both of use and rents houses)

Answer 1

I totally empathise with you because I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend is exactly the same; we walk past jewellery shops and he looks in the opposite direction; if we're watching the TV and the subject of weddings comes up and I comment on it, he changes the subject immediately. We've been together 3 years and the situation hurts me nearly every day, particularly when another engagement is announced. I've asked him what he wants for our future and he just turns the question around, asking me what I want and then just agrees with me to keep me sweet. My point is, you need to find out what he wants and then tell him what you want. Your feelings are as important as his (I hate all this 'I'm not ready' nonsense) and you shouldn't feel guilty or apologetic for bringing up the subject. Men are stupid, they don't respond to hints. Talk to him in depth and then leave the subject alone, don't give him an ultimatum. Personally, I think you have waited too long, try not to get your finances tied up with someone you may not have a future with. I won't be waiting around longer than the next anniversary but I really hope things work out for you. Good luck.

Answer 2

My opinion, you should talk about marriage way before buying anything together. This way you can get a better feel how he really feel about making a long term commitment with you. Next thing should be the ring. Why the ring, you ask. You just answer it..how dis-interest he was about looking at rings. If you going to buy a house together, I would highly suggest to buy a house that is not in the family. Later it will be an issue when things not going so well between the two of you. Buying a car. He should buy his own and you do the same. Buying one person first and the other have to wait, but how long before the other person have to wait to buy their new car? Will the same amount be spent for both cars? My opinion, the two of you should got married first and bought two cars at the same time. This way you can get a better deal on the purchase. Is depend on the two of you, really. I would said between 4 or 5 yrs, then engaged for a year, next stop is the wedding bells. that is my take on it....if things drag out longer than 8yrs without a commitment, re-think your options begin together.

Answer 3

Let's just say that I have been there and I waited almost 4 years. We got engaged very young while he was in the military and then a little while after he gets out of the marines he tells me that he does not when he will be ready to get married. The good news is that it was not that and now we are married. It is up to you and up to how long you can handle it. It is not easy but maybe you should sit down and talk and see if he is as interested in marriage as you are. I mean both of you are doing things for the future already. Sit down and talk and tell him how you feel, tell him that you are ready to be more than just a gf you want more than that for the both of you.

Answer 4

I don't know how old you are but I do know that years ago I had a boyfriend that was the same way (we had joint everything also)
but after we had been together about 7 years I got bored with the way things were and I demanded that he either marry me or end the relationship....And you know what?
He ended it.


He is 48 now and still to this day has never been married....Some men are truly terrified to make that kind of a commitment.

Answer 5

First of all, you are extremely, EXTREMELY foolish to jointly put your money in things when you are not married. I can not emphasize this enough. If you break up with this guy, you could lose ALL of your money and will have no legal recourse. Even if you are just "engaged" and have your wedding date all set, you still shouldn't be putting your money into any home, car or joint bank account UNTIL you are married. This is for your own legal protection.

Answer 6

its not wise to have any sort of joint business especially with money when all you are is BF and GF. Just because all your freinds are getting maried is no reason to feel like you have to., If and when they start getting diveorced soon after are you going to want to divorce too? Stop pushing the ring thing on him. Men know when its right. I would be more careful about the money if I were you.

Answer 7

When you say you are putting away money to buy his GP's house, are you putting it in a joint account or separate accounts? Is your name going to be on the deed? This is more important than your name going on the mortgage, believe me!
If this guy would spontaneously decide he didn't want to be with you tomorrow, where would you be? If he (God forbid) died tomorrow, would you have a place to live? Would you have half of that money that is being put away? Would you have your own transportation?
These are all important questions to ask yourself.
He obviously is not ready for marriage right now, and if he's not ready, you can not force him. If you want to stay with him, be sure to financially protect yourself.

Answer 8

I feel like after a year or so you pretty much know the person your dealing with and if after 4 years he has not even made mention then you need to have a talk with him and if he's not on the same page as you then you have to make a decision for yourself. You should not be making all these big investments with him if your not gonna be married to one another, it's all about communication. Good Luck

Answer 9

well don't put any of your money into the purchase of his grandparents house. This is a purchase that you do not make until you know for sure that you will be together. But you need not be in any rush, just because your friends are getting married. You and your bf have to do what is right for the 2 of you not with what is right with your friends and family.

Answer 10

I wouldn't want a relationship that sounds as good as your to be contingent upon a ring and a piece of paper. Ive been through it twice and that's about what it amounts to. The last time I looked at our marriage certificate was when i put it in the filing cabinet 14 yrs ago.