a firend of mine , is bisexual now all due to one member of his family that abused him since he was little , as time went by he started to like it , but you know that pleasure is always pleausure and even if it was abuse he still felt it and thats why he liked it.I AM VERY PISSED OFF at his mom , bcuz when he told her (too late already) she didnt even try to get him to a therapist , she just told him that you can do whatever you like "but dont tell me" WTF!!!!!! i feel so sorry for him bcuz hes looking for a boyfriend now , but everyone wants him for sex and hes all alone , and i love him.....
do you think many gay people are gay bcuz they were abused like my friend?
if so is there a regresive therapy or something?
remember that it was not his choice.....!@
2007-11-16 00:38:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
No, I honestly don't. In fact, I presume you want honesty -- I don't think that people who think they are gay because of abuse are gay because of abuse.
Why? You ask. Between 20% and 25% of young people are sexually abused, almost all of them by immediate family members during their youth (the percentage is higher among girls than among boys.) It is inevitable that some of those young people be gay or bisexual. Given the onus against being gay or bisexual in the culture, it is a normative defensive reaction to, when you have been abused, claim that it is because you were abused. That does NOT make the abuse the real reason, it makes it a convenient method of not taking responsibility for what you are and being able to have deniability. "Yes, I'm gay, but don't judge me because this happened XYZ" is pretty much the standard method this unfolds -- usually with a lot more caveats and words than I just used. You are right, I agree that his sexuality is not his choice -- I do not agree that it would not have been identical to what it is now if he had never had a problem with his family member. I firmly believe it would have.
There is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing wrong with being who you are. There is nothing wrong with being him. Regression will not change what he is - although it may help him realize it preexisted whatever situations he went though.
The most important thing you can do is be supportive of HIM as he is - not him as he could be or him as he claims he should have been. It will help. And self-confidence, self-acceptance and clear goal sets will help him both succeed in life and succeed in finding that real relationship he wants.
A final note -- if he is BIsexual, rather than gay, he already has the choice to select a female for a relationship -- if he is busily searching for a male -- that indicates that he is more likely gay than bi.
Kind thoughts.
2007-11-16 01:57:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The most important thing for you to remember is that it was not your fault. He was the adult. He is the responsible one. Is it too late to tell your family. Do not have anything to do with him. The adult always makes the child feel badly. It is important that you get counseling. It will help you deal with this. There are groups of men who get together to discuss their child abuse and learn NOT to do it to another child. Forget about the whys. You can not figure out why someone did something evil. Forget about the guilt. He was the guilty party. Forget feeling sorry for him. He had a choice to do what he did. He made the wrong choice. Forget about why you might have been targeted. You were available. It is time for YOU to get healthy, to really like yourself, to get past all those bad memories. Take care of yourself. Life is short and there is no time to dwell on all the hurt from the past. Be happy now. If you feel you are gay, contact the gay help line or gay center. HUGS
2016-05-23 09:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to agree with Gay_Man on this one. Nothing will turn a "straight" person "Gay" and vice versa. If that were the case, there'd be a LOT of gay men around as a result of all the Catholic Church's Priest pedophilia and the statistics simply do NOT show such a phenomenon. A person's sexual orientation is something that he/she is BORN with. Being abused as a child will ONLY produce intimacy issues in adulthood. Any changes would either result in a higher level of promiscuity OR a decreased interest in intimacy. It will NOT change that person's sexual orientatin.
BB,
Raji the Green Witch
2007-11-16 01:07:50 · answer #3 · answered by Raji the Green Witch 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are a bit jealous. He did not become gay because of the abuse. It may not have even been abuse. He was always gay or bisexual and now he wants a boyfriend. There is nothing you can do about that. You just need to back off. Why do women feel the need to control other people's lives.
2007-11-16 04:48:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a terrible situation for your friend. i think that anyone who was abused like that needs therapy and a lot of it. It is not going to be 'fixed' very easily. having said that, you could also check out PFOX or Narth. People Can Change is pretty good too. most of these organizations generally imho start with the assumption that a person who starts to change is whole. Sexual abuse by family members is so incredibly destructive, that being gay could be the least of his problems. there might survivors' support groups around?
But for you, to come to terms with what's happening to your friend, I would check out narth and pfox. Is your friend religious? maybe he could get more support from exodus groups.
Anyway, at least he has you on his side. good luck!
2007-11-16 00:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel for your friend but sexuality isn't affected by abuse - the statistics completely disprove it. He can get therapy to deal with the abuse issues that are lingering but it's not like he's going to become straight through it.
2007-11-16 02:29:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
firstly,is the paedophile still free to carry on with what he is doing,if so the first action must be to get him behind bars asap, this will obviously involve the police and social services from there he will be offered the help he needs,does he fully understand what happened to him will happen again to another young person. from your question you seem to care for him very much, I have to ask has he had or tried to have a relationship with a female, does he understand the complex nature of what a relationship is, be it gay or hetro, I can only hope that with love and true friends he will be what he will be, but surely his happiness is all that matters
2007-11-16 01:34:57 · answer #7 · answered by Harry o 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are a few cases of childhood sexual abuse changing orientation. Therapy can help but if he's comfortable with it, leave him be. After suffering the abuse, he's deserves all the happiness now he can get.
2007-11-16 01:01:04 · answer #8 · answered by American Spirit 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No dear, if your friend is gay, it's because he was born this way. I know of no gay people who "turned gay" due to abuse. Science agrees with me, by the way, that orientation is inborn and does not change.
I would suggest you research local incest and abuse survivor groups for him. Thanks for being a good friend!
2007-11-16 03:27:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe there kinda confused after being abused... traumatizing... But uhh I never was abused, I just always was attracted to guys..
2007-11-16 01:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋