And if so, is it just because they are tired of living a lie? Does it make it easier for them if they get caught? Should I file for divorce or wait for him to fess up?
2007-11-16 00:22:58 · 13 answers · asked by raininonsunday 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Where are your boundaries? If you do not have boundaries, how do you expect your husband to know when he has crossed them. If you do not respect and honor your boundaries, then he certainly wont. When someone crosses the line then there are consequences, but what are they for you? These consequences are only good if you are prepared to follow through on them. If you don't then you are showing him that you do not respect yourself, and maybe as a result, he has lost respect for you.
The communication has shut down because you are both resenting each other deeply. The two of you can really benefit from a break from each other for a couple of weeks to let things settle down and figure out what is going on. It would be wise for you to really work on defining your boundaries, and building up your self respect. You may have entered your marriage with self respect but your boundaries were never really that strong and with each time that you allowed him to cross the line, he was taking bigger steps, and along with that, a part of your self respect eroded.
If you are not ready to take a break from each other, then start investing into yourself to figure out how you regain your self respect and boundaries back. Without them you are weak, with them you become much more powerful, and with that you change the dynamics of all your relationships.
2007-11-19 06:59:25 · answer #1 · answered by Trevor McKinney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some cheaters do get careless. Some careless cheaters are that way because they are tired of living a lie. Some people cheat in the hopes that they will get caught, usually because they're too spineless to start the divorce procedures themselves, so they want to goad their spouses into filing. All that said, you seem already to feel certain that your spouse is cheating, so there's really no reason not to behave in a manner consistent with that knowledge.
2007-11-16 00:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can fool all of the people part of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time. (PT Barnum).
That sums it up. Sooner or later everyone will catch on no matter how careful the cheater is.
Only you can decide if waiting or filing now is in your best interest. I personally would get my ducks in a row, a saving account to live on, new credit cards, a place to go, etc.
Then make a clean break, while the cheater is at work, take the utilities out of my name, cancel the joint credit cards, have my furniture moved to my new apt., leave a letter of explanation and wishing the cheater well. No chance of quibbling, or domestic violence.
2007-11-16 00:33:59 · answer #3 · answered by Ranger 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for me to believe that someone "wants to get caught". If that is the case then I think it pertains strictly to cowards...if they want to get caught they need to just confess to it before they're caught.
I think they get careless because if time goes by and they haven't been questioned or caught they kind of assume they won't get caught so they don't put as much effort into hiding it. It also takes alot of energy to lie and lead two different lives, they get tired and lazy. Of course arrogance has alot to do with it. I think that some cheaters have a bit of the "sociopath" mentality and believe that they are the best there is at cheated and think they can get away with it forever.
If you suspect he is cheating I would get proof and confront him with it. Go from there.
2007-11-16 00:33:24 · answer #4 · answered by laura1977 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never got caught and I didn't get tired of living a lie. In my life experience 100% of men cheat I'm not saying that to make it wrong or right that's just what I have seen in my life. It is a myth that they will get caught. That's why people think that only 40 to 50% of men cheat. I just didn't want to lie anymore so I told my wife. Our marriage was over anyway we just didn't want to admit it so I told her as one last effort to save our marriage. 8 months later we are still together. The sex is better than when we were dating. We are doing more family things with the kids and we are doing more things socially. I know she will never forget but hopefully the pain will go away. Ladies if you aren't making your man happy and you aren't making an effort he is with someone else. Look in the mirror before you judge your man. I know you want him to be completely honest but is that the truth? Do you really want him to tell you that since you have been married you gained 100 pains and you look like crap. Does he really have to tell you he wants sex more than once a week or in some cases once a month when you were having sex almost ever time you were together before you were married. WAKE UP WOMEN!!!!
2007-11-16 00:40:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would like to think that unless you have absolutely no conscience at ALL, eventually you'd get tired of lying all the time. Plus yeah... its easier to remember the truth than it is to remember what lies you told and who you told them to.
For your own sake, I would say that finding proof rather than just being suspicious would be the course of action prior to filing for divorce. You'll want to know FOR SURE that he's cheating before you move forward with a divorce, right?
2007-11-16 00:29:18 · answer #6 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the hell do you mean, wait for him to fess up? He is cheating and you're waiting for him to admit it?
Where is your self respect? Does this man have you on a leash? If he's cheating he's telling you right to your face that, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! HE IS PLAYING YOU FOR SUCH A FOOL AND YOU'RE LETTING HIM!
Kick this loser to the curb and get on with your life. That's the only time you could meet the man of your dreams and get treating with love, respect, trust and communication. You will be so glad you did, so get a divorce!
2007-11-16 01:02:56 · answer #7 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, they get careless. Whether it gets easier depends on how you react....
If you don't want to live with someone you know is cheating, why wait for him to confess? Waiting is only going to cause you more frustration and stress.... cheating, lying... they go hand in hand in this particular instance.
I vote for divorce... and move on to someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated...
~best of wishes
~jennifer
2007-11-16 00:27:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a good husband (satisfy you and kindly care about you) but cheats on you then do not make a big deal from it, if he is a bad husband then it is a bigger problem than the cheating.
2007-11-16 04:50:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would you allow your destiny to be his decision??? Make your plan, save up some money....file for divorce and go live the life you deserve!
2007-11-16 00:26:58 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋