How much heartbreak can one man take?

Question

1. 19 years old, was with a girl for 1.5 years, caught her at it with my best mate.

2. 21 Years old, was with a girl for 4 months but then her BOYFRIEND from Ireland came home and she immediately left me to get back with him. I had no knowledge of this "boyfriend" who I later found out she had been in constant contact with while I was with her.

3. 23 years old - was with a girl for 6 months and then was unexpectedly dumped by text message one Sunday afternoon without any explanation or any further contact.

4. 26 years old - with a girl for 2 years, had plans to go travelling together and was even talking about marriage etc, booked a ticket to go travelling then the girl said she wasn't ready for all this a couple of months before departure and it was over.

How much heartbreak can one man take? Do you think the above experiences are enough to make a man go insane? I feel that is what is happening to me.

Thanks for some of the brilliant and uplifiting answers. They have actually helped me in some ways.

Ladybird - It is terrible but I think I am going that way. I have been suspicious for some time that the reason this has happened is that I am too nice. I am losing respect for women and fear that I will soon turn into a complete a%s. That is not what I want to be.

Answer 1

You will continually experience heartbreak until you refuse to engage in a relationship anymore. And I believe that will be a long time before that happens for you. These experiences should not be making you insane, they should be making you grow. You should be learning something from each and every relationship you have. First of all, you are lucky enough to have had these four experiences. There are alot of people out there who haven't even had one! Secondly, you obviously have been able to have a relationship that lasts for awhile. You can't expect each one to last forever. You must realize that you get to know someone in order to discover if you want to spend YOUR lives together. You are lucky you didn't spend years with someone and have children, house,etc. before they decided to leave. From just the info you listed above, you aren't paying attention. These things are happening and you are getting caught by surprise. You need to do some serious communicating. I am sorry but this will keep happening but you must try and turn your attitude. Every relationship is different and special and you must learn from them so that the next can be better and more successful. I know you don't want to hear this, but you are young and us oldsters have been trying over and over and over for many years trying to find that perfect person. It doesn't always happen for everyone. You are not insane, just frustrated and lonely and hurt. Take a deep breath and try again. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Hey Dude,

Sounds pretty rough going, sorry to hear you keep getting sh.it on ... It is so hard accepting that someone doesnt want to be with you you have all these questions like why, is it this, is it that ... Ive been there before it really breaks you down.

i dont know the best solution as at present i am having a rather shi.t time also .. I think it eventually makes you a bitter person as i feel that i am a nice guy i bend over backwards to keep my friends, lovers and family happy and everyone seems to just take the pi.ss out of me .. I dont want to change who i am neither should you but i think it is going that way..

One piece of advice is dont look for happieness within other people they will always without a shadow of a doubt let you down... You need to be happy within yourself (easy to say i know) ..

Time and peace are the best ways to overcome this stay away from relationships for a while until you are strong enough to possibly cope with another break up.. Maybe that wont happen but maybe it will, you do not want to let your own mind go because of others ...

Read this: The Road Less Travelled, By M Scott Peck, it is a very useful book and has helped me many times before

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Road-Less-Travelled-Psychology-Traditional/dp/0712661158/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195207790&sr=8-3

Good Luck My Friend, Keep your chin up !!

Answer 3

Bless, i do feel for you. I had a similar problem.

At 20 i finished in a long term relationship.

At 22 my boyf just up'ed and left one day - no reason, no contact.

At 28 having been with someone for 5 years i got dumped at Christmas and he proceeded to leave and move in with his new girlfriend. Leaving me the hassle of selling the house. We were engaged and due to marry this year.

So i had a crappy year to and you do start to think that it is you. But i have since met a lovely man whom i really do adore and its only now that i can see all the others were not worth my time in the first place. I wont lie and say that it's been easy because it hasn't it's been bloody hard - but things do happen for a reason and going through all the pain has made me realise what im worth and has made me more selective with whom i choose to spend time with.

Things will change for you too, best of luck!

Answer 4

Forgive me but this sounds pretty normal and I think you have a problem with closure. It is hollywood to believe you meet the one, and ride off into the sunset forever having the happiest life ever without a learning process like the one you have had. Having had these experiences you will know the one when you meet now which is brilliant.

I think you are lucky because I thought like that and had a miserable 22 years married to someone I really shouldn't have.

Dump the regret, learn from any mistakes you made and wait for the one with no compromise - she's out there, you just havn't found her yet.

All the best

Answer 5

buddy we need the bad to appreciate the good,

i have had simalar experiences, i thought i would never meet a women i could trust again, or the last one was the best or whatever, then I meet a wonderful woman and had many great times with her

we dont know whos round the corner, everyday your closer to meeting the right one

your young believe me, i gave up at 25 then at thrity my dream woman arrived, its a funny life sometimes,

love and best wishes to you, i know the pain its horrible. but it will pass, and when you hook up next you will proberly be like i was - running around hugging people saying im the luckest guy alive

oh we are divorsed now, i miss her terribly, its 3 years now and it still hurts, but thankfully past experience taught me anything can happen

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Answer 6

Once is enough but U have been high and dry 4 times. Why r u not able to keep hold of a girl, is a question U have to ask yourself. It may be your small pocket. That's the first thing that matters. If u can't spend on your friend, in other words, u can't afford them.

Answer 7

I dont think your experiences are the worst in the field of love. You just need to find someone who can love you as much as you love them and never compromise on that. Concentrate on loving yourself first, go slow in the dating field and stop dragging your past bargage along.
You are still very young to have dated so mch - you should learn to take breaks and breathe after a breakup.

Answer 8

good grief,youve been through the mill a bit.if i were you id give women a wide birth for a year or two,go travelling or something,and just do what you want to do.things have a funny way of turning around when you least expect it,so chin up and move forward.

Answer 9

they are all very sad, but this is life some times ,you have to go through the bad times, to get to the good times and everything in life is a lesson, so don't take to heart that will only make it worse, when you do meet the right girl good luck!

Answer 10

You have to take a good look at yourself.
You are doing something terribly wrong?

Are you too soft?

Are you a control freak?

Are you gullible?

Are you crap in bed?

It's time to go traveling & just use women to build your self esteem & knocked confidence. Treat them like ores.
Soon you will be able to treat women like doormats. These kind of blokes have trouble getting rid of women!