1)Q: What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a broken clock?
2)Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
3)Q:If you see a Liverpool Fan on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him... ?
4)Q: How do you change a Chelsea fans mind?
5)Q:Why do they call Wenger Hitler?
If you can't think of any answers just give me an Arsenal, Liverpool or Chelsea joke. If it's good you'll get 10 points!
2007-11-15 18:45:27 · 9 answers · asked by Jim 5 in Sports ➔ Football ➔ English Football
JOKES!!! where are the JOKES!
2007-11-15 18:54:45 · update #1
rae rae got all the answers. :) wont say i knew the last one, but i knew the rest, lol. :)
Q What's the difference between a Scouser's and a jet engine
A The jet engine stops whining when it lands
What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi ?
* A Burglar
Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scouser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side
Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women
The new Liverpool manager sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen and hopefully win Liverpool the title.
One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me." "Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time.
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
“Sorry?!" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"
****************************************************
A primary teacher starts a new job at a school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Liverpool fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asks: "Well, if you're not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a Manchester United fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a United fan?"
"Because my mum and dad are from Manchester, and my mum is a United fan and my dad is a United fan, so I'm a United fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher, in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a United fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time.
What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."
***************************************
After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in an empty beer can next to my ear is going to help me".
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
"1, 2, 3..." :)
hope you liked them. :)))
2007-11-15 20:52:26 · answer #1 · answered by LAVELLE! :] 4 · 2⤊ 4⤋
Football Jokes And Riddles
2017-01-20 18:35:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. arrange toothpicks to spell NINE 2. He drank from the springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door. XD
2016-03-14 14:56:46 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, never heard any of these before...duh!
The River Mersey does not run through Liverpool, it separates Liverpool from Wirral, which is where you will find Birkenhead, Brass (your answer sounds like a riddle itself)
2007-11-16 03:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
What's the difference between all the Man Utd fans and a pregnant blonde's baby? The baby still has a chance of having a brain.
2007-11-15 20:10:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Seriously not that many people here know what the f River Mersey is or Runcon is actually in south of River Mersey. I bet not that many people know where Birkenhead is.
Cheers for the recycled riddles.
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No need to give me thumbs down, you are the one who is posting ancient scouse jokes. CAN YOU COME UP WITH YOUR OWN SCOUSE JOKES?
XOXO
2007-11-15 18:59:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
Niiiice.
Define: Confusion
Ans.: Fathers Day in Loverpool
2007-11-15 21:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by DAVE 6 · 1⤊ 4⤋
what's the differance between rooneys face and a cows ar*e? the cows prettier,
fact or fiction, ferguson looks like a wino. fact
fact . man u have the ugliest players and supporters in the world.
2007-11-16 02:32:47 · answer #8 · answered by MRS2P 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
1.)Even a broken clock is right twice a day!
2.)Because it if walked it would get Mugged!!!!
3.)It might be your bike.
4.)Blow in his ear!
5.)because he cant win in europe either.
2007-11-15 18:53:24 · answer #9 · answered by [♥]Rae Rae[♥] 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋