I am already in my 20s, and so is he. I stay in the relationship because he has a weak personality. He still lives with his parents, he has no stable job because he often quits, he is a drunkard, I often fetch him from his friends' houses or from bars everytime he's wasted, I often pay for the bills because he says he's broke--but he says he loves me. I think it's unfair for me to stay with him. He seems so helpless and he has a gentlle manner. We've always been faithful to each other. I am not seeing other men. I prefer that this question be answered by those who are already in their 30s and onwards.
2007-11-15 18:20:34 · 10 answers · asked by Halcyone 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You really need to move on. If you are not in love with your boyfriend. You never will be it seems to me like he has no goals. And you having to pick him up Often from friends because he is drunk does not say much for his character. I am 29 and my husband is 38. We have been together for 11 years. We bought our own home 8 years ago. We bot have great jobs. I work as a nurse practitioner and he owns his own contracting firm (Which he started when he was 25). If you do not move on and start setting goals for your self. Then you will be no where by the time you are 30. I really doubt that your boyfriend is going to be to much different than he is now by the time he is 30. Think about what you want and what you need.
Hope this helps!
Take care,
Kali :-)
2007-11-15 18:29:05 · answer #1 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 35 and I have made many mistakes in my life but one thing that I have always felt and I try very hard to do if I find myself in a unsatisfactory relationship is to be honest with myself. You are young which is a plus for you, so he is he and he will either learn and grow a pair or continue on the path he is on now. Leave just go, love yourself first and the type of person you want in your life will find you. Nothing is as bad as looking back 3, 4 or 7 years down the road and knowing that even if you had been alone you would have been better off than being in a relationship with an emotional vampire. I am sure your boyfriend is very nice, let him be very nice to someone else so that you can be free.
2007-11-15 18:27:08 · answer #2 · answered by Tati 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to see you waste your life. If you can not get him motivated, he will never amount to anything other than another responsibility for you.
You are young now, but you are wasting years on this man. These are years that you can not get back. I know, I wasted 12 of mine on a useless relationship. One day you will wake up and wish that you had a better life, but you will still be dragging his dead weight around.
Tell him to shape up or ship out!! Don't let him use you that way. You deserve better. I know that you love him, and that it is hard to leave the comfort zone of the relationship, but in the long run you will be very glad that you did.
Please don't make the same mistake I did. It is harder to start over, the older you get!! Good Luck. I hope I have helped you to move on.
2007-11-15 18:28:50 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" I think it's unfair for me to stay with him"
you think????
eventhough im not yet 30 (4 years more)....i still wanna give my opinion.
staying in a realtionship with someone you pity is a BIG NO NO. Sit and think. how long can you stand him? until when u wanna keep on fetching him from his friend's house or from bars?? how long you wanna pay for his bills?? when can u actually realize that you deserve more than this?
if you really love your boyfriend, better keep things straight with him. ask him to change. find a job! pay his bills himself. Minimize his alcohol intake. U want him to go to rehab?
do u actually want to marry this guy? dont tell me u dont think abt this. u wanna stay as gf/bf forever?
think when you marry him and have children. U probably will end up taking care of your family ALONE. and he doesnt do anything coz he has no stable income..his a dunkard.. and u actually marrying him because you PITY him.
girl, u deserve more than him. If u really loves him, tell him to change. if not, u better walk out from his life.
this relationship wont work if he doesnt change. for God's sake, his a man. he is the one who has to take care of you. not you alone!
2007-11-15 18:33:22 · answer #4 · answered by itikpunk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I am 30 (hubby is 32).
I say that he is already gonna be fine (his parents can nurse him, no?) and you are wasting away there. I think that he has no ambition to be anything different, because you allow him to be broke and helpless and drunk. If you catch this type of person each time they fall, they expect you to be there.
Hubby points out to you that there are men with jobs and flats and steady jobs who would love to date you. He says to run away while you can, and find the one you deserve to be with.
2007-11-15 18:28:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in my forties and can tell you that love and pity HATE each other. You will learn to dislike and then despise his behavior when he begins to depend on you for everything. You deserve someone more like yourself and he needs a little LIFE counseling. I am not knocking him, because you obviously have a soft spot for him, but coddling him will do more harm than good. I am sorry for the bad news, but I think with time you will agree. Good luck, sweet lady.
2007-11-15 18:25:14 · answer #6 · answered by Whynot 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey you have got to start putting yourself first. He is sucking the life out of you. What's worse is you aren't even in love with him which in itself would be reason enough to move on.
You never know- if you leave and he no longer has you to enable him he may actually get his **** together. It could be the best thing for both of you.
2007-11-15 18:24:49 · answer #7 · answered by dlfinefrock 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make a selfpity note on your self and forget about him, its you, its not like you gonna marry him just because you pity him. Forget him and pity yourself for wasting your time, unless....your not willing to let go... The faster you break off the faster you can find the next one.
2007-11-15 18:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by The Hard Truth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im 17 (not 71) saying, you may have to let go.
he should have the respect to see what he is doing to you
if its the situation where when you talk to him everything gets soft n tears fall and you end up again, throwing another chance out there. sometimes you just have to drop it.
think of where you should be in life. not where you both should be.
you are a woman and you are to be respected like one.
2007-11-15 18:23:58 · answer #9 · answered by Sean M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to move on, you cant be babysitting somebody just because you are afraid for how they will feel. talk to him and tell him what you think of him, if he cant change then move on. maybe losing you will help him get his act together.
2007-11-15 18:23:54 · answer #10 · answered by Kika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋