We are having some issues, and while I would like to sit down and hash things out, my husband would rather bury the issues. Or, if I can get him to talk, the conversation usually doesn't last more than 5 or 10 minutes, then he starts getting "frustrated" and wants to bail. When he gets to that point, its not even worth it to continue the conversation because it will likely go from talking to yelling, and then nothing is resolved. How do I get him to talk things out without it turning into a huge argument? We have been together 8 years, and this has been a constant thing. I am out of ideas, and feel like I have tried everythng!
2007-11-15 17:33:27 · 18 answers · asked by theMrs. 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly, I don't yell at him, and if I do, its very rare. He just for some reason can not handle conversations about problems we are experiencing. As for counseling, we tried that some years ago, and it didn't last long b/c he HATED it. It was like pulling teeth to get him to go.
2007-11-15 17:46:37 · update #1
To me, it sounds like your husband has never been taught how to properly communicate his feelings or what to do when he gets frustrated. The sign of a mature person is being able to talk about difficult issues even when they upset you. The fact that he loses it the minute he gets angry is not a good sign. You need to sit him down and ask if he's willing to attend couples therapy because a counselor could teach him communication techniques in a non-threatening way. Men are very practical....so he will understand if you compare it to a builder who doesn't have the proper tools. A builder can't build a solid house if he doesn't have the right tools and right now, your husband doesn't have the tools to navigate through these difficult issues. He's never been TAUGHT how to communicate so it's not really his fault per se. If you put it like that, perhaps it will keep him from being defensive.....
2007-11-15 17:42:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be patient. Perhaps he has trouble expressing himself in words. Many men do. If he shuts down and counseling isn't an option perhaps you should go talk to someone alone. It is soooo important to keep the communication lines open. If you can't communicate openly and honest how will the relationship survive and how will either of you be satisfied and secure? If all your attempts have failed then maybe it is not that you willing but that he is not. If he doesn't find a way to get past this and won't seek help then you will need to find one way or another to come to terms with it. Do you talk to him without an accussing mannerism? Like.... this is how I feel when I can't communicate with you openly and honestly. Do you trust one another? 8 years is a long time, maybe try outside help like counseling. Stay positive and reassure him you appriciate him and love him. If he can't return the same you have other questions you need to be asking yourself. Good Luck and I hope he comes out of his shell!
2007-11-15 18:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by artbrat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what I have seen, men in general are not big fans of the "sit-down-n-talk". We used to have that problem, I started choosing the battles more cleverly though. Dont sit him down on every single issue. Hard to give too many ideas, because I dont know what the issues are but I do know that the dont like to talk about relationship things too much so it is best to save that for the biggie problems.
2007-11-16 03:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are the one asking the question, not your husband, my suggestion is when you husband is willing to talk, you say occasionally he attempts to, thank him for trusting you enough to talk. Listen to what he has to say. Do not attempt to defend yourself or your behavior.
If what you are doing is not working, stop doing it. Your main objective should not be "to be right" or to win the arguement. Your objective ought to be to learn how to dialogue. Compliment him and pay close attention to what is good about him. There will be a time to discuss relationship issues, but now is not the right time. You married this man, so there must be a few things about him that you can find to appreciate.
2007-11-15 17:59:12 · answer #4 · answered by stedyedy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does not want to hear it, fine let him sleep on the thought of what you put out there and eventullay he will take the time when he's ready to talk about it just try not to force him to sit down men hate that they feel like your taking away their pants in the relationship let him be if he does not want to talk at the moment eventullay he will talk when he see's your not making him sit down or pushing the issue, pressuring him making him say what you want to hear when he does not mean it let him decide he's ready to grow up and talk......
2007-11-15 17:48:21 · answer #5 · answered by Conteplative 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poll: Hot Girl or Ugly Girl?
2016-10-26 23:59:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why is he getting frustrated? is it because u re not actually talking but either nagging or criticising him or yelling at him? learn the art of having dialogue first. because it is an art. and u can't make a dialogue and that is your problem
2007-11-15 17:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Names for a shy artsy girl
2016-10-23 04:44:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will god bring my husband back???
2017-03-03 04:36:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking for a part time day care center in Austin/Round Rock???
2017-02-02 01:43:08 · answer #10 · answered by Broderic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋