when an inscident happend several years ago and b/f still talks about it to make you feel guilty what do you do? how do you react?
2007-11-15 16:55:35 · 25 answers · asked by ZAMANY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The relationship in his eyes isn't on a level playing field, he has the upper hand. What you need to do is flat out tell him, "You know what?? It's in the past and we need to get over this!" Then suggest counseling for both of you. He might need someone to talk to, to help get over it. If he hasn't really gotten over it then that could be another reason why he refusing to drop the subject. If he refuses counseling then he is not willing work on the relationship and it would be time to consider leaving. I hope this helps.
2007-11-16 02:13:43 · answer #1 · answered by shaneandrita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were not the one in the wrong, then you do nothing, walk a way. Do not give in, that's what he wants you to do. It's a way for him to get back some kind of control that he has lost. It's a way for him to justify what he did and why thing's went wrong. It's the oldest trick they know. Their is no point in dwelling on the past. What happen, it happen. Move on, you can not have a future with dwelling on the past. And if he can not let it go then let him go or you will be unhappy for a long time.
2007-11-15 17:48:26 · answer #2 · answered by Red 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea what your particular situation is, but if it were me, I would tell him that a relationship where a past mistake is held over my head like that, and brought back whenever he needs extra ammunition against me in an argument is not a healthy relationship.
He needs to let it go. If he can't or won't then i'd let him go - not for lack of love but because your relationship is NOW and he keeps dragging it back into THEN.
Tell him how you feel and that he can't use it like that any more - see where that goes
Good luck :)
2007-11-15 17:01:38 · answer #3 · answered by Jenna M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd ask him how long he still plans to bring this up? And then I'd proceed with "is this really worth fighting about? Do you wanna break up?". Chances are he'll say no, I'm assuming that since he's still with you. Then you tell him okay then, so stop wasting both our emotions by bringing it up. Seriously think about it.....I mean my bf and I have been through some bs in our 3 years together. I think about some things that really infuriate me still, but why bring it up? I ask myself...Are you going to leave him over this? No,,,,so why bring it up and pis.s. myself off for nothing??? Makes no sense. Try to make your bf realize that.
2007-11-15 17:02:58 · answer #4 · answered by grneyedgrly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guilt is a good thing: when it helps you face something, when it shows you to not do that thing again, when it serves a purpose - like admitting something and being forgiven.
guilt is a bad thing: when it just goes on and on with no resolution, when you're just beating yourself up and it keeps you from growing or going on with your life.
so now if you've admitted you were wrong, he needs to cut it out. like others said, he is into controlling you now that he can hang this over your head. i would not accept this..and he needs to forgive you and let it go. if he can't or won't - i would end the relationship.
2007-11-15 17:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by shyanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your friend that it was a long time ago and you felt guilty then and when he talks about it it brings up those feelings that you don't care to have to deal with again and maybe he will stop. GOOD LUCK
2007-11-16 14:00:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol what sort of incident? you did something wrong didnt you!
well if its in the past, he needs to get over it.. several years is a long time.. much more time than he needs to either get over it or to know he cant get over it, in which case he should admit that and both of you get on with your lives.
tell him you wont go on like it is, and he has to make a decision, and if he wants it to work then he needs to forgive you and not bring it up again.
2007-11-15 16:59:43 · answer #7 · answered by zimba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I particularly have those days ... some days such as you I merely wanna bypass cry interior the nook all via myself. the superb element to do is to truly bypass cry and it will make you sense plenty greater acceptable ... It sound weird and wonderful yet some days i like to cry it merely releases all of it. do no longer problem you will probable sense outstanding the following day, that often happens to me ... i've got faith particularly crappy sooner or later and then the subsequent day i've got faith like i'm on suited of the international. i desire you sense greater acceptable. x
2016-10-02 11:36:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can MAKE you feel guilty. You choose to feel guilty. If you don't choose to feel guilty, he can't make you feel anything. If he brings it up again, say, "Lose it or leave. If you can't drop it, then go." Better to lose him over it than have to put up with this the rest of your life.
2007-11-15 16:59:01 · answer #9 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends what the incident was. Did you beg for a second chance? Sometimes it's better not to get a second chance.
2007-11-15 17:07:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋