Ok so I m getting engaged and I know this is the guy for me! I really love him but the problem is that I don't like kissing I have never had sex and Im not even sure if I want to. Im not sure what is wrong I NEVER WANT TO DO ANYTHING no matter what mood Im in, he is so loving and caring he does a lot of stuff that touches my heart but I really don't like kissing I usually just do it so I don't hurt his feelings because we have talked about this before. I can't tell if its because I have been metally and physically abused by my father and guys. Or is it that its something medically wrong I just want some feed back from someone. Please no rude comments.
2007-11-15 16:26:50 · 13 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also its not just him past relationships I hated it just as much. So its not just him.
2007-11-15 16:27:37 · update #1
i had to really think on this..because what you've shared is a very serious thing and i'm sorry you went through what happened to you.
i do think it's more than what can be handled in this forum.
and i think you should talk with a counselor (i know, everybody says that) but you should have the chance to express all these things with someone who is qualified and has the time to let you ask questions and speak your mind.
you deserve to have someone love you and be caring..and you deserve the choice to show your love too.
you deserve to have a healthy sex life..kiss and be kissed..
maybe those things were taken from you as a child - stuff was forced on you -
and maybe that is what you are feeling..
you're not chosing to kiss him..but doing it so that you "don't hurt his feelings"..i can understand how that might bring you terribly uncomfortable feelings.
again, i think you should talk with someone other than your bf, who likely can't understand..
to gain your freedom of choice back and let affection be a wonderful thing for you.
i wish you well
2007-11-15 17:45:58 · answer #1 · answered by shyanne 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to anyone about how u feel like a proffesional? I have been sexually abused when I was a child and I know that it effects people in different ways. In my case I was the opposite, I needed sex to make me feel good. Then it changed and I wanted nothing to do with sex, and this was after my marriage. My husband is understanding of the situation but no one truely understands it unless they have been through it. It will take some time but I really think you should try and resolve this before you marry because it can come between you and your man in the longrun. But not just that you want to have a healthy relationship. Dont walk into a door without closing the other. It will only hurt both of you.
2007-11-15 16:40:04 · answer #2 · answered by Indian beauty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a legitimate concern. You may want to think about getting some counseling, Don't misunderstand me, I don't think you are crazy but you mentioned being mentally abused by people who have been close to you in your life and this has hindered the intimate part of your relationships. Disorders caused from any type of abuse are a serious issue and should not be taken lightly, sometimes people can over come them by themselves, sometimes they can't, that doesn't mean they are weak, they just do not know how to cope with certain things. Professionals know the proper way to deal with issues such as yours and may lead you to have a happier relationship.
Good luck, and congrats on your engagement.
2007-11-15 16:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by wraith1796 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get counseling for the mental and physical abuse in your past. Have you talked to your fiance about your feelings regarding intimacy? Although no one can diagnose or give you an opinion without the facts, if you have been abused in the past, this could be effecting you now.
Talk with your doctor and check into couseling and support groups.
Good luck!
2007-11-15 17:11:53 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might wind up being your own worst enemy in a long term relationship...physical contact is extremely important unless your living like the "bubble boy"..human contact with the one you love is vital to a healthy relationship..Have you thought of talking to a therapist about this issue?..I'm not putting you down in any way just trying to help you figure out why you don't like intimacy..good luck and start puckering up those lips~!
2007-11-15 16:36:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
are you thistle? you weren't that complicated questioner? lol when you feel you are in love it is just feel and most of the time feels don't work good enough when you feel it in your heart then analyze it with your mind then you can be sure that is a feeling you never had before.
2016-04-04 03:52:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was dating my wife she started crying when i kissed her. It was not anything I had done, it was because of what a previous boyfriend had done. It took many years for us to get to many of the roots of it. I would recommend talking to someone soon to help you work it out.
2007-11-15 18:37:09 · answer #7 · answered by hawkeye316 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been abused by your father and other men, before you marry, you should get counseling. You owe it to your fiance to be totally healthy before entering into marriage with him.
2007-11-15 16:32:22 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to a counsler so you can work thought this.. because unless you find a man that dont like it either it could come between you someday.. do it before you get married.. it will help you. good luck
2007-11-15 16:47:24 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go speak with a therapist.....get a grip on old baggage and you may be able to relax and enjoy intimacy.
2007-11-15 16:33:22 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋