Desperate to be wed!?

Question

Ok so im official depressed. i have a boyfriend for two yrs. he is 36 and im 21. yes age difference. he has never been married, no children, egaged once in college and has had long relationships for 5 yrs...never married. he has a small studio and has two great jobs. now me im beautiful and every guy would love to be with me but my heart is with him only. he's really commitment phobic but i truly believe he has change and little has he changed. i have given an ultimadium that by 3 yrs we dont get some kind of commitment im leaving regardless how hurtful it would be but im a strong believe of no pre-marital living together or children out of wedlock and i refuse to be the women he has had in the past whom he has been with for years. im young beautiful and i refuse to lose time on long relationships without getting something out of it= Marriage. problem is im ready to get married and i really desire a baby. when i have brought the idea he laughs and thinks im joking no matter how serious

i seem. i know im young but i have never been so sure of my decision. i want to be egaged for 1 1/2 yr.when i ask him if he can see us in the future marriage wise he tells me i dont know when i answer him in general with i dont know he gets mad and tells me thats not an answer so what make i dont know acceptable to me. its either a yes or no. my sister has been less time with her boyfriend and she getting married im glad for her but im hurt and i cry bc i have been longer with him and i feel that were heading nowhere. my gut feeling tells me that well never get there and if so itll be not until years. the sex has been bad for me but i know it has to do with this im seeking other attention--no i a havent cheated but i have talking by phone with other men. im confused bc hes making me feel dumb for wanting what i want. how do tell him that im ready and have me take me seriously and see that i not playing. i'm ready and if hes not what should do?

p.s im dont have a huge ego but i do think im cute not super hot but cute.

Answer 1

Sweetie! Calm down. Believe me, marriage is not easy and for women, it is not the best deal. You are young and beautiful. PLEASE, please, listen. If you truly love him and if he loves you what is the big hurry??? I know you say you want to have a baby but do you really understand what that is truly like??? I suggest you and your boyfriend (or you by yourself) baby sit for someone's kids. Young kids. Not just a couple of hours, the whole entire weekend or week. It is hard. It is not fun and it never never never goes away. No more shopping, no more weekend trips, no more sleeping late, no more new clothes, no more spontaneous fun, no more extra money. Not only that, if you corner your guy and persuade him to get married, he will expect you to do everything. Cook, clean, find babysitters, work, be sexy (and in the mood), pay bills, doctors appointments, christmas shopping, education for the kids, and thats just the tip of the iceberg honey!! I know that sounds negative but please be realistic. You are young, beautiful, enjoy life. Find out who you are. Try things you have never tried. Learn things you don't know. Go places you have never gone. Meet people that are interesting. Once you are married with kids, these opportunities will be limited and difficult ( and will be considered selfish.) If you love him, take one day at a time and enjoy each other. You have lots and lots of time to get married, but once you are, you can never go back.

Answer 2

Claiming he's commitment phobic because he doesn't want to marry you and make babies, wow, you are high on yourself eh? Not everyone wants a marriage and babies. He probably laughs because it's so off from what he wants and how he sees you that there is nothing else you can do.

Talking to other men on the phone isn't cheating. If you think it is cheating, you need to get your head checked. If he thinks talking to other men is cheating, he's an insecure control freak and that is a warning sign of future or current abuse.

As for the sex, getting married isn't going to make the sex any better. Sex is physical. You don't need love, security or commitment to orgasm.

Giving an ultimatum when it comes to marriage is only setting yourself up for eventual divorce or disappointment. Why? Well, you see he may give in, reluctantly, but not seriously and when something better comes along, which no doubt he hopes for, he'll leave you or he won't care to make the marriage work and you'll find yourself with someone unwilling to compromise.

Answer 3

Ultimatums usually don't work, so you may not want to bring that up again.

You're only 21...what's the rush??! Believe me I understand what you're going through, but most women don't get depressed and desperate until their late 20's early 30's. Slow down and enjoy yourself. If it was meant to be, it'll happen. He's 36 and never been married and shows no interest in getting married, so there's a really good chance that he'll never grow up and commit.

All the best to you...I hope it works out.

Answer 4

I don't think this guy is for you, number (1) he doesn't take you seriously, number (2) you want a family and he doesn't, it doesn't get better when you get married, if things aren't going " right" now, getting married will not make things better. Just look at the facts this man is 36 and never been married, he doesn't want the responsibility of marriage , please think twice before you try to talk him into marriage. If you are a good catch the right minded man will come along, you have plenty of time yet. Are you in college, if not get into college, get involved in different things, groups, you are soo young to tie yourself down to a bad relationship, that isn't working for you. Good luck

Answer 5

why do u keep saying ur beautiful and how so many other guys want you....maybe thats the reason. have u ever said that to him? if u did it might make him think he cant live up to you.especially with the age difference ull be in ur prime and still hot as u say and hell be old maybe hes thinking that far down the line......but truthfully if u cant get a guy espcially one that age to settle down after 2 years and he wont make a commitment then something is wrong. u need to figure out what because my husband asked me to marry him after a yeah and a half and that seemed like forever so i cant imagine how u feel.....goodluck

Answer 6

You need to start having less time for him and more time for new friends, male and female, If he hasn't gotten into a relationship by now it may be that he is not commitment phobic but simply likes his life as it is now and sees no need to change.as long as he can find someone to have sex with and not have to marry.
Sometimes there is a difference between what we love and what is good for us - I love smoking but I know it is bad for me and hope to quit in the near future. If he sees you are ready to move on he may think more seriously about marriage and if not, you need to forget about your love for him and find someone who has the same amount of love to give back to you. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Holy smokes girl....get a grip.

First this guy doesn't want a commitment. He's figured out the game. Why get married to somebody thats gonna run off with half your money.

Instead...do the "live together" thing and then when boredom sets in he can give you the boot without losing half his stuff.

He's smart in my opinion. Youre not.

Answer 8

Please wait for 5 years atleast before getting married to each other dont rush into marriage i know you dont want to hear it and you can have a baby anytime in your life just get married after your 25 or 26 have a career and settled in life.

Answer 9

why are you so in a rush chill out enjoy yourself

Answer 10

you are pretty cocky if not narrasistic dont give ultimatimes if you love him wait or talk to him.