I finally had to be kind of cold and tell him that I will never love him "like that" again or have any emotional connection to him ever again because of all the pain he's caused me. I told him that if I emotionally disconnect myself from him, then he'll never be able to hurt me again. At first he seemed devestated when I said that, then after sleeping on it, he seems very angry with me. But what am I supposed to do. I dont want him anymore. I have tried to make it clear nicely, and he is in full agreement with the divorce, but his mixed messages confuse me and piss me off and i feel like he's playing head games with me. He cries, but never asks for a reconciliation, looks at me like a man would look at his bride at the alter, asks me out to dinner, etc. This marriage is over, we both know that, but its not me living in a fantasy, its him and I hated being cold, but I felt it was for the best. How do I deal with this?
2007-11-15 13:51:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
by not talking to him only about kids and nothing else and don't make him think in anyway it is ever going to go back to him and you and don't be nice or he will my ex and me just had to stop talking for like months before we could talk again that works alot and if you have no kids then don't talk to him ever again....that will work.....good luck
2007-11-15 14:02:39 · answer #1 · answered by daisy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to stop conversating with him. It is hard enough to go through a divorce let alone be sent mixed signals constantly. The marriage is over and he has to learn to deal with it. I think it's the unknown that might have him emotionally shocked. But it is time for you to move on with your life and you can't do that fully with him standing in the way of your healing process. If there are children involved then of course you should be civil with one another and tell him that your conversations will only consist of the children but if you don't then cut your ties and tell him to give you your space. It is whatever makes you comfortable at this point because being "almost single" means that you worry about you and not the "us" anymore. Hope all ends well. Congrats on the divorce and starting over. Life is what you make it. I know when I got a divorce (years ago) I was relieved so I hope the congrats is good and if not then I apologize.
2007-11-15 13:59:51 · answer #2 · answered by sincere087 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you've done a great job of distancing yourself from this man emotionally, as evidently he doesn't hurt you anymore. Also, he is now regretting the way he's treated you, and is trying to get back in your good graces. I guess the best way to deal with your situation is to distance yourself physically as well as mentally. By that, I mean don't send him mixed messages by going out to dinner with him. If you are truly finished with the marriage, you should separate and not have anything more to do with him. By consenting to his dinner invitations or submitting yourself to his head games, you are inadvertently encouraging him. So you must decide to make it a clean break, file for divorce, and let all the communication be between your respective attorneys. But before you do this, make doubly sure that it's really what you want, and that you're not doing this just to punish him. Look into your soul. Good luck!
2007-11-15 14:04:55 · answer #3 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK YOU GOT YOUR TRUE ANSWER AFTER YOU SAID HE SLEPT ON IT AND WAS PISSED OFF. HE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE WEAK IN CERTAIN AREAS. SO HE WILL US IT TO HIS ADVANTAGE. WHEN THERE IS NO LOVE, THERE IS NONE AND WHEN YOU GO BACK AND EVEN LISTEN, YOU SEEM TO THINKA A PERSON WILL CHANGE. IT IS A DONE DEAL. YOU YOURSELF, HAS NOT BEEN CONVIENCED. LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE. YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE, STICK WITH IT AND END THIS. IT WILL ONLY GET BITTER, MORE COMPLEX, AND MORE EXPENSIVE ON YOUR END. MANY PEOPLE USE THIS AS A DEFENSE AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE HAVE FAIL TO WORK IN COURT. YOU WERE STILL TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT, YOU KEPT COMING BACK TO HIM, YOU WOULD NOT LEAVE HIME ALONE. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU END UP WITH UNTIL YOU GO THROUGH A DIVORCE. THE TRUE *** COMES OUT. AND NEVER UNDERESTIMATE WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU. ASK SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THEIR DIVORCES NEAR THE END AND BRACE YOURSELF.
2007-11-15 14:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by shuna222000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, it sounds like you are somewhat unsure. Unless you have absolutely NO feelings for him, there is nothing you can do about it. If there are any sort of feelings left for him, don't go through with the divorce. Seperate for awhile (I'm sure you have already did this), and see if you can live without him.
I'm not sure what kind of pain that he caused you (and I'm sorry), but if there is ANY hope left...save your marriage.
2007-11-15 14:01:49 · answer #5 · answered by sunnysideup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its funny because my ex threatened me with divorce every time we fought also..... I finally got fed up with it and I moved out. Then he came runnin back begging me, promising me, whatever.. I went back at least 12 times in the 9 yrs we were together. The last straw was when we got into a fight (after he promised me 100 times he would change) and he threw me out of the bedroom and locked the door and I had no way of getting myself up for work (he had the alarm clock) so I stayed up all night and went to work. I finally left him AGAIN..... and would not let myself go back to that kind of life. I was so tempted to go back but finally..... when I wouldnt go back like I always did before, he got mad and told me if I wouldnt go back, I couldnt have anything else in the house (most of it was from my grandparents (RIP)) so, needless to say, I am now divorced and he got everything but I got my HAPPINESS back. So in lieu of your question..... file for divorce and give him the papers and see where it goes from there......
2016-04-04 03:40:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously has contradictory feelings himself. A mix of anger toward you and guilt about himself. A desire to have you love him even though he and you are divorcing. Contradictions are normal in stressful situations. And men are often not good at processing emotions in a healthy way, so he is taking it out on you. Is it fair? Of course not.
2007-11-15 14:03:16 · answer #7 · answered by Michael M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ending a marriage is just painful and he doesn't know how to deal with it that's all it is, He will get over it just like you did.
2007-11-15 14:01:40 · answer #8 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage is over and cannot be fixed you have to let him deal with this himself.
You have to deal with your issues about your marriage....you cannot not also take care of him.
When a marriage breaks up it's like someone died.....you have to take care of yourself.
2007-11-15 13:56:47 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just hard for him to beleive it's over, he's not use to that idea and is trying to do everything possible to win you back..
2007-11-15 13:57:52 · answer #10 · answered by Conteplative 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋