My husband has been cheating on me for the past 7yrs. He told me about it only when she dumped him. Now he says that he is not happy with me but does not let me go. He does not want the perfect husband image tarnished. He just wants to keep me as he does not want to become bad in front of his family and mine and also the kids. He is a different man in front of others but when he is alone with me he is mean. He just wants me to cook clean and take care of the kids. He provides me well .But i am lonely all the time he is very very mean to me. does not care for my feelings at all. He is travelling on business all the time,when he is at home he spends all his time with the kids. He is very good to them.
If i go away it will be very difficult for the kids. now that i know that his mistress dumped him will it be a good idea to leave
But I don't think he will be any better towards me
what do i do?
2007-11-15 13:01:55 · 18 answers · asked by Ann M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you have to be true to yourself and respect yourself enough to get out of there. The fact that you are asking the question is a sign of what he has done to you mentally and emotionally. Put yourself first, god knows he has been putting himself first the last 7 years and move on and upwards in your life. you are not a slave and you deserve better in yourself and your life than to keep his false bravado infront of others. He needs to be made accountable for the contempt in which he has treated you.
You can go out there, find someone who will love you for you and be happy in your life. Get custody of the children and take a risk, be brave.......get your life and self happiness back. you deserve it
2007-11-15 13:09:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Don't say this, don't talk about that, blah blah blah. So basically, what you are telling us to do is answer you with the same thoughts you have to validate what you want. It doesn't matter if this guy is 65 years old. They still have sex and if they don't, they go to the doctor and get a Rx for Viagra. 1. He needs a full medical check up because it could be he is having medical issues that could be corrected. You've been sitting around through this for years without asking him to go or just making the appt and going with him? 2. There must have been love at the beginning so when it all started going south you didn't make an appt. with a marriage counselor (for your sake and the sake of the children) and take him to the appt or just go yourself? Had you been going even by yourself you'd have some idea how to handle him and things to say and ways to guide yourself through the issues but even after several years you've done nothing. No, it's never good for kids to come a broken home unless there is abuse. There is no abuse. There is also nothing being done to salvage the relationship the two of you obviously had in order to create three children. So instead of just standing there watching it all go to hell in a handbasket, why aren't you trying to save the marriage. Trying to talk to him about it isn't saving the marriage. Go look in the phone book and find a marriage, family, therapist and go. Tell him the date, location and time and tell him you want him there then go. Hopefully he will too and then you have the therapist as your support system in encouraging him to get a physical exam. If he doesn't go you work on you and getting your head together and figure out how you deal with the kids and what to tell them.
2016-05-23 08:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him, he is no good, plus I think you need to give him a taste of his own medicine and find another man after you dump him and let him see how happy you are with someone who treats you better, and accepts your children, and enjoys you and the kids both on an even basis. I've been married to the same man for 20 years, and Thank God he has never treated me like that, if he had, he would be gone!! Plus, do you want your children growing up thinking that this is acceptable behavior?
2007-11-15 13:11:37 · answer #3 · answered by Shawnee 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Honey, advise from others is great. However, I believe your heart will tell you what to do. You are afraid,confused and terribly hurt. You've been betrayed, your trust has been broken,you need answers and healing. It appears that he is fulfilling the father role,but,,,,the role of husband and lover has gone with the wind. He has taken you for granted and using you for his maid service, child care and secret keeper. He has an image to protect. He doesn't want anyone to know that he is NOT what he portrays to be. While you debate whether to leave or stay, remember this one thing. You only have one chance at life, live it wisely. Let your heart guide you. Good luck Honey.
2007-11-15 13:22:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You know what you should do but knowing it and doing it are all together different. When a wife is use to be taken care of it's very scary to think you could be left alone to fend for yourself. When a man has that kind of power over you he uses it to get away with anything he wants to. That is so shameful when a husband uses that against his wife in order to get what he wants. They think we are stupid, like we don't no what they are up to. Lets face it ladies some not all of our husbands have us by the balls and they know it.
Your husband has lost respect for you because you are taken what ever he hands out. Would you respect your husband if you could walk all over him and he just takes it,well that's how he sees you. Why do you think he told you about his affair,he sure didn't tell you out of love. He told you to see what you will do about it. Your husband is trying to tell you something.
If you want to get your husband back ,you will need to stand up to him and tell him to get lost.If you do that he will see you in a different light,someone he can respect and love. The ball is in your court.
2007-11-15 13:49:34 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well don't see why you ahve lasted this long in a marriage where they treat you bad, maybe because you thought he will change. Well best thing to do is if your unhappy and unloved leave and get a divorce and have visitation rights made for him so the kids will see him and him the kids. But you need to get out before it gets worse and he just might get physical with you. SO best thing is to leave with all your stuff and kids. And want a friend to chat with just IM me anytime
2007-11-15 13:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to seek marriage counseling and if he objects go by yourself. You don't have to tell him you are going until you and your councilor decide to. This is nothing to take lightly and your children will see that you have tried everything you could first. As far as his image, hurting the one you are married to squashes any image that he has. Your life and happiness is every bit as important as his or his so called image. Your family will be behind you more so than you will ever know.
2007-11-15 13:15:08 · answer #7 · answered by dd 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just leave. You like someone thats mean to you?? go and get a boyfriend and dump him. He will continue to provide and see the kids. Trust me, the kids already know more than you think.
2007-11-15 13:08:11 · answer #8 · answered by Brittney 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Be
STRONG, lift your head up and out your a%^ leave that worthless bas@#$ alone!!! you deserve better and theres someone out there who will treat you better love you as you are and not be this way... Love your self enough to run and take your kids with you!!! of course he can be in their lives but you need just gooooo!!!!handle visitation rights through court!!!
2007-11-15 13:10:46 · answer #9 · answered by Conteplative 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and if your kids are old to understand your situation then tell them
2007-11-15 13:09:15 · answer #10 · answered by Jim 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋