I'm a mental mess..please do my soul a favor and read?

Question

i'm 15 years old. and i am having an extremely hard time lately dealing with life. there has been nothing too dramatic going on in my life (the typical homework issue, but that's it!), but i feel so UPSET. like life's not worth living anymore. i don't find a point to existence, it seems like one pathetic game of sims. i feel like i am so separated from reality, like nothing's real and there are no consequences. Today i had a really urgent need to cut myself, and i would have if i found a blade, but i didn't. I'm constantly obsessing about my weight. i hate myself, i'm just a horrible person. no guy should like me, none of my friends deserve a horrible friend like me. my parents gave birth to the worst possible daughter to live.

why live? i only do because a. suicide = hell and i don't want God hating me too. and b. my parents would be devastated. i can't deal with this. i can't tell them about this though..i don't want people thinking i'm an emo child. i hate life. please help?? :[

no, no. my parents are the most loving creatures on earth. which is why i think they don't deserve me! they need much better! i'm not worthy of their love..god i sound so emo. ugh....haha sorry reading over this really makes me sound like a freak :[

Answer 1

Dear and precious child,
I am not a doctor, I'm just an older man (65) who had a daughter who at 15 also suffered terribly. She is 26 now, and a beautiful person, but there were times when I feared I'd lose her.

I believe that your emotional state is due to hormonal imbalance and cultural influences that are very harmful to youth, especially young almost-women.

You know that people do drugs and it influences their thoughts and feelings. The body also produces it own "drugs". In adolescence the body is trying to find a chemical balance amidst the changes that sexual maturation brings about, but it is a most trying time. Add to that stuff like caffeine, birth control pills, sexual titillation (pot?) and the upset caused by the menstrual cycle and you have a chemical soup that is very difficult to deal with.

Add to those factors the fact that it is adolescence that a person is beginning to become his/her own person. Up until about 12 or so a childs identity is very largely his/her family. At that age not only is the brain physically changing, the child is suddenly CREATING an identity of his/her own. The stress of being pulled in different directions toward choosing to be what the parents have stressed, what the folks that MARKET music, entertainment, clothes, etc. etc. etc. want you to think (that you need to buy their stuff in order to be a worthwhile person) and what other tormented souls very much like you are venting in the form of their music, lyrics, etc (and make no mistake, they are as lost as you, thats why what their souls are shouting resonates so readily with your own emotions) . You are in a tough situation and I sympathize.

You don't have to be taken down by it all though. Understand that your thoughts are influenced by how your body feels, and your thoughts influence your emotions.

When your body feels out of sorts -screwed up - then the mind starts searching for an explaination. Next thing you know, your mind is explaining that you are feeling screwed up because you are screwed up. You are no good, worthless, no one loves you, etc.

It isn't so. I don't even know you but my heart goes out to you. I can tell that you have an intelligence of a high order, that you have a good heart. Even if you don't like who you are right now, wait. We are constantly becoming different persons as time passes. We learn better every day how to deal with the stuff life throws at us. It seems slow and painful at this stage, but we learn and grow more self confident because we hang in there and don't give up.

Love yourself. Understand that you are having a hard time, and understand that to beat yourself up or beat others up with it isn't going to help. Please be patient with yourself, and with your parents too. They love you, but it is truely difficult for all.

Try to get enough sleep. To do that you need to get plenty of exercise. Try to be with other people, or at least get out doors. To be too turned inward is not good. Go an look for something that you can do, and do well, and do it. Help someone who is worse off than you.

DON'T get into self-pity. That is the eighth deadly sin.

I'm not a professional, so this is so much ramble, but I am a caring human being and wish I could touch you with a magic wand and help, but that isn't the way life works.

Finally, one of the worst things in our western culture is that we lead people to believe that life can be without suffering. It isn't so. Life hurts. But it also has great joy for those who don't succumb to the evils of self-pity, self-hate, and the blaming and accusing of others.

I've probably written too much. Bless you. Bless you.

Answer 2

Write, write, write.
Maybe somebody out there could relate...it's more common than you think. A LOT more common.

What is it that makes you think you're such a horrible friend/child/person?

Cutting yourself only inflicts pain. Some people use that as an escape but, really, it only scars you.
Read into psychology, you might like it. Philosophy also, if you're interested. Religious studies might be right up your alley, if the last two ideas aren't.
I'll give an address or two if you IM me - philosophy or psychology, not so much on religion as I don't know what sect or denomination you are (cause I'd hate to post it if there's no real point).

Here's another question (though I know people hate getting a question when they ask one):
What would be the point of suicide?
It wouldn't solve anything, really.
If you want help, talk to somebody close that you trust and doesn't judge you for the sake of judging you.
Of course, there's always Group/s (online or not) that might be able to help you.

As I've said before, I'm one of those people who believes *most* everything happens for a reason. So then your existence would be for a reason, even if you don't/didn't know what it might be.
(Sorry, I don't have some smart analogy for you with this one.)

Good luck.

Answer 3

For a young Lady of only 15 years of age you are your own worst critic. What makes you so hard on yourself? Are you all that (your descriptions) that you feel that people react to you as you mention? At your age, life has so much to offer; Look at your parents, are they not worth being around with? You say your feel so seperated from reality, so what can you do to be part of realtiy? How about joining a community based (a group of young people with good minds and hearts that are provided some sort of guidance by the community) so you can make new friends since you feel that your "old" friends do not deserve a horrible friend like you; so why did they have you as a friend? Do you not think highly about your friends choice of having you as a friend? They saw something in you and that is why they like you but since you don't know why you don't have a reason why they like you as a friend. You say you had an urge to cut yourself are you cutting all ready? If so ask yourself is this really helping me to deal with the reality or is it just giving you a false sense of relief? Obsessing over your weigth most young ladies in yur age group have the same tendency so you are normal; that is no problem so why would you hate yourself jsut because you watch your weight? Now that is not normal to hate rather than love yourself means that once you start loving yourself and making the changes in your thinking you will become the person you or friend you want to be. So you say no guy will should love you, most guys carry hidden crushes because they feel that if they approach a pretty girl or lady they will be shot down and that is not a good feeling especially for a guy just trying to make a move. Love will come but all in good time; what is the rush? As you grow older yout thoughts and you looks will change and if you are not pretty slowly you will blossom into a pretty young woman. Just wait and things will change in the path of love. I have not seen a young lady turn into an ugly duckling; do you remember the story of the ugly duckling? Have you told your parents if they think you are the worst daugher to live with? I know some young ladies that are a handful for their parents but I have never heard any parents say "my daughter is the worst person to live with, well sometimes they do say that but only when the girl is really creating too many problems. It is interesting that you know about where you will go if you commit suicide; are you going to a church? If not, try going to one where you can meet young people that you can associate with and can give you hug and help you deal with life from a Christian perspective---Christians are not perfect just forgiven. You say that your parents would be devesated if you committed suicie so does that say your parents feelt that you are the worst daughter? no they love you they just have not told you. If you want, you can email me and I will try to help you but I cannot be your therapist just someone that cares to help you.

Answer 4

No those who are born with or develop a severe mental illness will not go to hell automatically. It's up to God and Jesus to decide that and they take into account individual circumstances. Otherwise they wouldn't save those who are ignorant of God. Those who require medication for a mental illness DO NOT have an inherently deficient soul. I know people with mental illness who have beautiful souls. God doesn't cause illness either physical or mental. I believe that maladies come from the evil one who is the god of this world, i.e. satan. I'm not omnipotent like God and I have never claimed to know it all. I know a lot about mental illness and how medication sometimes works, sometimes causes terrible side effects, and sometimes a helpful medicine stops working. If you have a relative or friend with mental illness I will pray that they find comfort and get better. God bless you.

Answer 5

You sweet thing! Welcome to 15 year old hell. 15 was absolutely the worst year of my life for no good reason at all. My story read exactly like yours....all angst and sorrow, but nothing so bad. (thankfully) You are 100% normal, and I guarantee there's more kids you know who feel the way you are feeling now. I think it's you wanting to be independent from your parents, but yet, still wanting to feel the security of them. It's an emotional struggle. You aren't the worst daughter, you aren't an emo/goth wreck...you're you. Let your parents see you love them, and they'll love you right back. It sucks, but know that your loved and taken care of. By the time you're a junior, I bet you'll be a lot happier with yourself. You won't be the underclass geek, you'll have more friends and be more established in school. You'll have a job, a drivers licsense, and you'll feel more responsible and grown up. I'm sure your parents will be proud of you, and you'll be satisfied. It's a phase, honestly. If you're still freaked out about your feelings, I urge you to talk to mom or dad, or maybe a school counselor. They can be cooler than you think.. Good luck.

Answer 6

I'm not sure if you are a Christian or what your life's circumstances are, but there are a few things you need to know. Someone loved you so much He endured beatings, being practically sliced to pieces with whips loaded with metal bits, had giant nails driven through His hands and feet and finally died thinking of you. He loved you that much so that you can have eternal life. Someone loved you so much He gave up his only begotten Son for you. That innocent lamb who died on the cross for you is Jesus, and He wants to heal all your pain. What you need to do is simple:

Get down on your knees and pray, ask Jesus to come into your life and confess with a believing heart that He suffered and died on the cross for you, rose from the dead and is going to come again, if you haven't already. Then ask Jesus to take the load off your shoulders, confess your sins and forget about your sins. Forget about those feelings of not being good enough, you are created in the image of God, if God is perfect and you are an image of Him...what does that make you? The Bible says we are God's children. You are good enough because God is good enough. God doesn't make mistakes! Forget about what you can't do, or in the world's eyes don't do good enough. I hope you get plugged into a good church.

There's a story in the Bible of two women one a very wealthy woman and the other a very poor woman. The wealthy woman gave the church a lot of money but the poor woman only gave 2 cents. In the eyes of the world is that good enough? Is it good enough to give 2 pennies? God saw that the woman who was poor gave all she had and it touched His heart. Where as the other woman gave only a small fraction of her money, in which the Lord was not pleased.

Answer 7

Basically, you've been going down a tunnel, slipped, slided really deep into the tunnel, now you have a huge burn on your leg. But you've gotta go through it. You've got to get through it. Don't give up. Even though all seems hopeless, don't give up. Right now, I'm thinking to my own self, "I'm lonely today, but I'll find a way and someone will come along, somehow, and I won't be so lonely anymore." You've got to think the same thing.

Live. Live in any way you must. Which of the three pains are you suffering from? Are you suffering from loneliness, regret, or ...well, I don't know the third.?

A guy will come along and like you just fine.

I hate myself too, on the inside. But I'd hate myself even more by killing myself, by being so weak.

You aren't emo.

Let me tell you this. Right now, somehow, you just tripped on something. You are crying. Crying your eyes out. And it hurts and you just want to sit there and die. But you can't. Unless you are really insensible(like me), you can't just sit there in the middle of the hall and cry and hope someone notices you. You've got to tug on someone's foot, and they'll notice you. It's true. People listen. They'll dry your tears, help you up, and you'll go happy. Don't give up.

I understand...

Answer 8

Hi, don't worry it will be ok. You need to talk to your parents of a friend about this. They can help you and make you feel better. Life is a great thing you need to live it to the fullest. Do things that make you happy: swimming, reading, writing.

Sucide is never the answer it only makes the problem worse, does not make it go away. You need to talk to someone, please. Your friends love you, God loves you, your parents love you.

Your parents gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, you are putting these thoughts in your head. Sweetie, you need to talk to someone. Don't care what others think, think about yourself right now. You want to be happy: to do that you need to speak. The best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Think of it simply. If you die, there is no point. if you live, you will sense more stuff and then someday later you will die. In the meanwhile, you'll be a factory. You will convert materials and food and gas into other materials. You will purchase materials and use them and then dispose them. So, you will be a change in the environment. So, it's better to be a factory and then die, then to never have been a factory.

I too angered by the world wanted to die. But I am smarter then most people in the world. So I knew that life and death were not so different. Although in death you can't sense. And your composition is broken up into it's constituents but these constituents that make you are never destroyed. So you just stop to be conscious, but you never die all the way.

Answer 10

please go talk to a guidance counselor.
there is no magical answer to this that you can find on a computer.
do you feel like your parents aren't proud of you? maybe if they told you they were it would make you feel a little better.
this might be a root to the problem (?)
you are worth having around, schedule an appointment with a guidance counselor and if you need more help after that they can recommend a therapist to you.
it will take some guts, but be strong.
it will be worth it in the end.
stay strong hunny <3