My husband and I have a 19 month old daughter (I am 4.5 months pregnant with our son). We are suppose to alternate who gives our daughter a bath. We both work full-time and it allows a break.
Well everytime it is his turn to give her a bath he calls me names (witch, devil, *****, etc.) and starts to degrade me as a mother.
I realize that he is tired and that is the whole reason that we take turns.
People don't change do they. They just get worst.
My question is what is wrong with him? What should I do? HAVE you been in a similar situation?
2007-11-15 11:39:23 · 16 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no fight before he does this. He just doesn't want to take turns giving her a bath. He feels that it is a woman's job to do everything. Even if I work full-time. I am a elementary teacher and for those of you who know it's a hard job too.
2007-11-15 11:58:09 · update #1
Yes I love giving her a bath but you have to understand he does this with any extra task that he has to help out with. He truly feels like I am suppose to do everything and when I don't he starts in on me.
2007-11-15 12:00:14 · update #2
I'm truly exhausted. He calls me lazy and asks me "what have you done today?" in a sarcastic manner.
2007-11-15 12:01:58 · update #3
EVERYONE it is not just the bath. IT is everything that has to do with the household or taking care of the baby. I get cussed out or put down if I need help in any of those areas. i.e. dishes, laundry, etc. I am just really tired and not a lazy person. I just really need help. I work full time but everytime I ask him, it's crazy.
2007-11-15 14:00:42 · update #4
you can ask him the same thing, what have you done today?
Ask him if he wants your marriage to last. If he does then he needs to start helping out around the house. Or stop doing his laundry & making him dinner, he can do that himself.
Tell him that his name calling is not what a husband should be doing to his wife. Because what he is doing is having a temper tantrum verbally (like a little kid) because he doesn't want to do want is asked of him.
I had that for many years & finally told my husband that if he doesn't start helping out around the house then I was done, I can't do it all, & I won't, marriage is a 2 way deal, & with both spouses working full time there needs to be a sharing of household chores. Now he does dishes, cleans, he will do about everything that needs to be done, but I also help do yard work, pile wood, cut wood, help in the garage. It goes both ways.
2007-11-15 12:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
It is verbal abuse but this issue makes me wonder a few things. Is it ONLY giving her a bath that he doesn't want to do? If so, maybe you should just do it. Some guys don't want to bathe their daughter. It might make him feel "funny" and he doesn't like that. I don't mean that he's sexually attracted to your child or anything. The opposite, actually. It's kind of like... the guy I was with before my current husband, we had two daughters together. He never wanted to bathe them. That was the one thing he would not do. He was raised in a very religious and sexually repressed household. It just seemed wrong to him somehow, like he was doing something wrong even though he obviously wasn't. It made him extremely uncomfortable and he would at times get angry when I asked him why he didn't want to do it. He finally explained and I understood. Maybe that is what's wrong with your husband. Maybe it makes him uncomfortable or embarrassed and he can't really tell you about it because he is afraid you might think the wrong thing.
By the way, he doesn't have to have been raised religiously for this to be the problem.
EDIT: If you don't want EVERYONE to think it is just the bath, maybe you should have said more than just "He won't give her a bath." Perhaps that would've helped.
2007-11-15 12:11:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Obviously he does not want to bathe the child, for whatever reason. You say that you "are suppose to alternate who gives our daughter a bath.' Who came up with this plan? Did he agree to it, and if he did, was his agreement a willing one, or did you badger him into accepting YOUR plan?
I would bet that he never willingly agreed, and because of that, he resents the chore! You have changed spending time with your daughter into a chore for him!
Your best bet here is to bathe your daughter yourself. His resentment is going to carry over into the way he treats your daughter, even if he does not mean it to! There is no requirement in life that every chore has to be split exactly down the middle! Next month when there is snow on the walk, are you going to be out there with a shovel?
Sharing does not mean that it has to be exactly equal!
2007-11-15 13:36:55 · answer #3 · answered by fire4511 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me psychological abuse is worse than actual abuse.With actual abuse yours injury's are healed in a short volume of time,yet regrettably with psychological abuse your injury's can some years to heal.
2016-12-08 23:04:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I haven't but I have seen it! You have to talk to him sometime when it isn't happening and tell him how you feel! You can't be a full time Mom and have a full time Job and be pregnant you are going to get over worked and possibly get hurt or your baby because of the stress and fatigue! He needs to help out! Its mental & Verbal abuse yes! If he continues treating you this way i would suggest not having anymore kids after this one until you guys can truley be happy in a non abusinve enviornment! Good Luck to you!
2007-11-15 11:47:24 · answer #5 · answered by Amberlyn 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i dont understand why you alternate bath days between the both of you for your daughter? sounds like its an obligation and i think he resents it.
it should be spontaneous, FUN and relaxing time for each of you and if you can't do this then bath her together.
He is verbally abusive and i think a talk to clear the air would help.
2007-11-15 11:49:42 · answer #6 · answered by dot 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, that is abuse!!! Does he know the effect that will have on your daughter??! Does he care..?
It seems like he doesn't to me. Ask him if he would like to carry A child inside and go to work and take care of your
daughter and cook and whatever else you do :~)
Men can be soo cruel sometimes!
2007-11-15 11:49:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't add any more fuel to the fire and let the situation go.
Next time, avoid the situation all along and you take the baby a bath. Don't include him anymore until he realizes what a jerk he was.
2007-11-15 12:28:14 · answer #8 · answered by Lucci 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He might feel awkward and scared so instead of him doing this he would rather make a big scene and call you names so you will have to do it. There is no excuse for his behavior whatsoever. Have him do something else in return of giving her a bath.
2007-11-15 11:47:58 · answer #9 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
yes it is abuse its mental abuse it takes 2 to have a kid and he should help with the kid as well not just you caringg for the kid put the childs intrest at heart first the he needs to be a man besides in the bed.
2007-11-15 12:34:25 · answer #10 · answered by aladdinsgirl101 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋