About 4 months ago I found out that my partner had started communicating with his ex-girlfriend. We have been together for almost 5 yrs and they were never friends during this time. One day out of the blue she contacts him on facebook. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. Our relationship has had it's ups and downs and lately it has been rough (both of our fault) our son was born 7 weeks early and we went through a very trying time. During this time the two of them have been emailing each other on regular basis. According to him they had a great relationship and he doesn't have anything bad to say about her. He spends lots of time on the computer looking at her pics, googling her and writing flirty emails with her. And now suddenly she is single. I told him how I feel and that I don't like the idea of them communicating like this and he basically said I'm jealous and controlling. Am I wrong to think that his sudden communication is disrespectful to our relationship?
2007-11-15 09:20:49 · 10 answers · asked by Sevannah D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There has been talk of splitting up. And we both have tried to make things work. I always say rome wasn't built in a day. He also told me what was I to expect with the way things are going between us. Then he says that there is nothing going on with the two of them. He also said he would stop emailing her, and I recently found out that was a lie also. Why can't he let her go and work on us instead of letting her come between us?
2007-11-15 09:24:15 · update #1
To add: He keeps saying that I need to focus more on our relationship instead of her. If maybe I did that he would stop communicating with her. This whole situation has taken it's toll on me and I feel hurt and betrayed.
2007-11-15 09:33:34 · update #2
I wouldn't put up with that. I'd send him packing and he'd know I'm in control of my life.
2007-11-15 09:25:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are not wrong..........Read the book Divorce Busters book immediately!!!
Of course, you're jealous - see what he's doing. Jealousy is a warning that something is wrong.
If you didn't have children, I would say dump him.
Consider the following:
Secretly print out the emails and save them for evidence to show his parents, friends, and minister, and divorce court in case you end up there.
You asked him to stop the relationship with her and he won't - so the next step with him is to apply social pressure as in notifying your minister, families, friends, neighbors, etc. They should give you support while telling him to dump the ex and quit being a jerk.
Think about this:
The ex - find out where she lives, works, who her family is, friends, her church, ex, etc. Consider visiting her and asking her to call your husband in front of you (so you know it's done) and break it off telling him not to call, email, or text message her ever again. If she will not cooperate, then disclose her computer affair with her husband to her boss, parents, friends, minister, church, and family letting them all know she is pursuing a married man. (Social pressure for her). Make sure they know she is trying to take him away from his new baby, too.
Here's the really hard part:
You must be better than her - cuter, sweeter, charming, loving and make home the place he wants to be. Play soothing music, cook his favorite meals, be gentle and respectful (except that you do not condone his relationship with her at all). Dress the baby cute, too. Don't argue with him if possible.
A pine cone must have hit your husband on the head that he can't seem to remember anything bad about her or why they broke up. If he leaves and goes with her, he may remember. Again, read Divorce Busters right away.
Joy to you....
2007-11-15 18:07:33 · answer #2 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And just what IS your relationship? You share a baby. That doesn't make for a relationship. Sounds like he wants out now that there's a new responsibility in the house. How convenient of him to have another woman in layaway. She's single. Yes.......and so is he! This is common behavior when there's no wedding ring, no legal commitment. There's not much you can do except let her have him. She isn't getting much.
2007-11-15 17:32:38 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's disrespectful and totally wrong for your partner to do this. But obviously, there is very little that you can do about it other then leave him. Take the kid and make sure he pays child support, and pretty much that is that.
You can tell him that if his behaviour does not stop you are outta there, which may very well be what he wants, so you need to make sure if your relationship is done with, better sooner then later. At least one of you has to thing of the child, and not behave like one, and it looks like your boyfriend is neither ready nor willing to grow up.
2007-11-15 17:27:10 · answer #4 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are in no way wrong. He should consider you in ALL of his decisions, whether that is staying home from work, or communicating with an ex. And if you are uncomfortable with it, he is the FIRST person you should go to and he is the FIRST person that should respect you and not talk to her. Him calling you jealous and controlling is his way of saying "I don't care what you think or what you want. Right now I'm just going to be selfish."
2007-11-15 17:25:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can get really good advice at survivinginfidelitydotcom
He is gaslighting you with that talk about focusing on the relationship and not her...trying to make this your fault and it is not.
2007-11-15 17:49:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound selfish and spoiled you are not good wife material. You need to get smart and stop the pity party of poor me and figure out what you want to do, keep your man her let him go.
2007-11-19 01:00:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're beating a dead horse, move out! Let him go be with her and see if he's happy. If not, oh well you will have moved on and found someone better.
2007-11-15 17:28:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
turn the tables on him and see how he likes it. He sounds like a pig
2007-11-15 22:12:00 · answer #9 · answered by jeff b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE NOT WRONG TRUST YOUR INTUITIONS. IT HAPPENING RATHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. LEAVE
2007-11-15 17:25:46 · answer #10 · answered by Art 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋