What do I do about my daughter's loser boy friend?

Question

My parents were very negative, controlling &over protective especially about dating. I swore I would never be that way with my kids.
My oldest child was going out with a boy who had a very dysfunctional family & lots of emotional problems. I tried to coach her, support her & just give my opinion when asked or absolutely necessary. I thought she was a smart girl & she would figure it out for herself & dump him. Now they are married, she is miserable & he is emotionally & verbally abusive to her & she has no self esteem.
Now my middle daughter is dating a complete loser. He has been in trouble with the law, he smokes weed, he is constantly getting in trouble at school, he is super immature &she is constantly crying & upset.
I didn't want to make the same mistake as I did with my oldest child so I have been much more verbal about my concerns about this boy. I stop short of absolutely forbidding her to see him though. In my experience, they just lie & sneak around then.

Answer 1

bite your lip and let the relationship play out. if you raised her right, she will soon realize he's a loser and dump him

Answer 2

Wow. That happened to me, only I was the daughter with the loser boyfriend. Take that girl out! She deserves a little pampering for making the best decision for herself. I'm happy for you! At least she didn't waste 8 years of her youth on the jerk like I did. Have fun and don't be afraid to show her your joy in her new found freedom.

Answer 3

If you want him gone, call his proby officer. I'm guessing if hes in trouble all the time he has a probation officer, and you probably have seen him, or suspected him of violating his probation. If hes not on probation, call the police department and tell them of his behavior when you suspect he isn't being a good citizen. I'm betting that he will move on to a girl with a mother that doesn't care what he does to her daughter. Yeah, your daughter will most likely hate you at first, but she will eventually get over it.

Answer 4

Perhaps you should focus more on other aspects of her life with her- praise her for her performance in school, for instance. If she is willing to stay with someone who makes her so upset, she might have some esteem issues that need to be addressed. Rather than focus on her "wrong choice"- even if it really is a wrong choice- maybe it would help her to focus on things that make her feel better about herself, so that she can come to her own conclusions about this guy.

Otherwise, she's just going to find another loser to date. Lord knows there are an abundance of them out there!

Answer 5

The more you opose, the more atractive you will find him.

If I was you, I would stop nagging her about it and start setting her up for opportunities for her to meet OTHER guys.
Say, camps, euro trips, college go-see's etc.

He is bad bussiness but girls are atracted to the bad boy at that age. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Maybe now you understand why yoru parents where so over protective of you.... because they love you and care.

Good luck

Answer 6

Hire a hitman. No, just kidding, although I would probably consider it due to the curcumstances your daughter is going through. It's tempting, but sometimes people need to go through life and it's difficulties in order to grow up and learn. You can say "I told you so" a million times but unless she goes through it and finally gets fed up, she won't leave him. Just continue to pray for her and be there for her. If it gets to a point of physical abuse, then jump in and save your daughter pronto!!

Answer 7

act like you like him......grin and bear it to her face, BUT don't condone it....I went so far as to block my daughter's loser boyfriend's phone number from being able to call our home.....hang in there


if it's any consolation....my youngest went off to college this past summer and the parent advocate told us, that 98 percent of all children end up living the values and morals they were taught at home.....

Answer 8

i think you should make it very difficult to spend time with him, my mother let me stay with my boyfriend, i have been with him since i was 15, i am still with him today, love him and dont want to say i regret anything, but it has not been easy for us, he was not motivated, smoked weed, completely changed me as a teenager, not to mention getting pregnant at 18... had my mother not made it so easy for me to be with him i may have dated around. but she didnt, she expressed her concern but never stopped me, she actually let me move in with him when i was 17. at the time i couldnt see what i was missing, all i could see was him, and how much i thought i loved him. i do love him now but it is a different love i felt back then. had my mother put her foot down, i would have went to college and not be living the life i live now, which is not an easy one. i grew up way way to fast, and my mother allowed it. now she was a little extreme though, she let us spend the night together at 16 ( she actually believed he would sleep on the floor and she never checked on us) i am not blaming her but no teen really knows what they want or what is good for them, you have to make that choice for her right now,,, believe me she will thank you later. you turned out pretty good and your parents were strict. what i know for my own children is that they will not be permitted to have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend until they are 18, they can go on dates and have fun but absolutely no serious exclusive stuff.

Answer 9

Sounds like to me your daughters have a case of low self esteem..

Once a girl has high self esteem about herself.. she will know she deserves better.. I am 31 and just getting around to realizing this.. after one bad marriage and one bad boyfriend..

Try building her self esteem ... take her out.. pamper her.. get her hair done.. new clothes.. when she feels good about herself.. and is getting compliments from other guys she will know she deserves better.. and the job will take care of its self..

what girl will say no to a day of pampering... minus the looser

Answer 10

ask her if she wants to turn out like her sister, because that is the road she is on if she stays with that loser