My sister-in-law had an affair behind my brother-in-law's back (bro-in-law is my husbands brother) and now he and our whole family knows. They've filed for divorce and have no plans to reconcile.
They haven't told their kids yet so she keeps coming to family gatherings.
Do I have to go through the holidays dealing with her, when I can't even look at her, or do I have the right to tell her how I feel; that she should've told her kids she was staying home with a headache? It's totally uncomfortable and is not fair to any of us to have to walk on eggshells while she acts like nothing is going on.
2007-11-15 08:32:06 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to always maintain your dignity and make no qualms with your sister in law, and just keep your mouth closed and be polite. I have no idea why people in your husband's family continue to invite her to family events and I am assuming it is because of the kids. It is not in your place to be rude, especially if you are in someone else's home. You do not have to go out of your way to socialize with her, just be polite. You also have to ask yourself, what do you want to see happen to her, for everyone to pick up a stone and throw it at her to stone her to death? Just thought I would bring this up as people who are too judgemental usualy need to clean out the dirt in their own houses before prying into others. Not intending to be rude, just trying to point out a fact here. Your brother in law is divorceing her, as I remember, that is the ultimate punishment for adultry. Leave it alone and be gracious for the kids sake.
2007-11-15 09:11:08 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think it is completely ridiculous that she should want to be around a group of people that dislike her and know she cheated on their family member/friend. Unfortunately, the only people that really should be saying something is either your bro-in-law or the person who is hosting the event. If the bro-in-law is ok with it as well as the people hosting the event, the most you can do is ignore her a much as possible.
(The last thing you need to do is cause a huge scene at someone elses home)
But your bro-in-law really should tell her this needs to end. What happens if the little ones overhear a conversation mentioning the 'issues'?? Especially since what they hear probably won't be put as delicately as if they would just suck it up and tell them. (This is another reason why you shouldn't confront her at a gathering...imagine if you were the one that accidentally spilled the beans to the kids)
Are your husband and his brother close? If they are, maybe they should talk brother-to-brother about what is going on.
He may want the advice/help but just doesn't know how to ask for it. Or he may not but at least he heard what needed to be said.
2007-11-15 08:42:53 · answer #2 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That'a a tough decision. If she is not willing to stay home during the holidays then you are going to have to deal with it. If this is going on for the kids benefit then I would say let it happen. I am sure that it will be hard, but you have to think about what's best for them. You can speak to her about how you feel, you just need to do it when you are alone with her so that the children do not hear what's going on. Sometimes it sucks to be the bigger person, but it's the right thing to do.
2007-11-15 08:39:24 · answer #3 · answered by faith 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
on thanksgiving (or whatever the next family gathering is), have the whole family give her the silent treatment, only speaking to her when absolutely necessary. if she asks, just tell her she made the decision not to be family anymore, so you're treating her like you would any other stranger (or something to that affect). you don't have to be mean or tell her how much you hate her, but she'll quickly see that no one wants her there, and she may ditch christmas with y'all. don't cause a scene - for the kids sake - but it really isn't fair to them for the parents to give them the holidays like everything is perfect and wonderful, then come december 26, say sorry kids, mom's a wh*re and we're getting divorced!
unfortunately, they're both putting the entire family in the middle of the divorce having her tag along to all the family gatherings, making everyone uncomfortable. they're also making y'all lie to the children as well, pretending like everything is fine. maybe you should speak to your brother about this candidly and consider having him deal with the situation in a more adult way. kids always know when something isn't right. the sooner they know about the divorce (not necessarily the reason), the better.
2007-11-15 09:20:48 · answer #4 · answered by hh 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She cheated on your brother-in-law and not on you. Keep your feelings about her focused on her. Don't let her spoil your family get togethers. Those are still her kids and she should be allowed in their lives. If your whole family agrees that you don't want her there then pull her to the side and let her know. If others are okay with it then just swallow your own feelings about it and go about your day. If you dwell so much on other peoples actions and let them dictate your own mood then the only person to blame for that is yourself.
2007-11-15 08:38:16 · answer #5 · answered by No one 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Okay so this is your husband's brother's wife? So in other words, she's NOTHING now. Right? My first reaction is why on earth a woman would show up to her husband's family's house for holidays when she cheated on her husband and is getting a divorce? I mean, if I cheated on my wife and everybody knew about it, the LAST place I would go on Thanksgiving is to my inlaws house for dinner! If I were her, I'd order a pizza and crawl under the covers in shame. But I would talk to your husband's family. Find out why they're even letting her come over. That to me seems pretty strange.
2007-11-15 08:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
So you all know she had an affair, but just because you know doesn't mean it is actually any of your business, nor is her and your brother-in-law's relationship, neither is what and when they choose to tell their kids. If you feel uncomfortable because of the tenseness----YOU stay home with a headache. Otherwise make the best of it and try not to engage in gossip and drama, if only for the sake of those poor kids!
2007-11-15 08:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell her how you feel-just not in front of the kids. I know from experience. My snl cheated on my brother and I chased her down the road and told her if I ever saw her again I'd beat her @ss. Unfortunately the reconciled...so needless to say, things are pretty tense between us, lol.
2007-11-15 08:44:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's still his wife and will always be the children's mother, so dispite your hostility, you will likely have some exposure to her for years to come. The reason for their divorce is no one's business- not yours, not his siblings, not his parents, and in the cases of infidelity, not even the children's business. Sure, they'll need to know their parents are splitting up, but in this instance it's not the why that should not matter to them.
2007-11-15 08:45:22 · answer #9 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to hold it together. Don't do anything you can't take back later. This means being quiet. The affair issue does not involve you. Let them work this out (reconciliation or divorce).
2007-11-15 15:54:32 · answer #10 · answered by EV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋