Grammar check?

Question

For students like me, education is the most important thing. Students know that's important so they try to get educational knowledge from school. But, there are some students whose not trying to do study or seems to them school is bored. THe reason is maybe those students are lazy. But, the main reason could be the wrong educational system, that made students are not doing well in school. In "School is Bad For Children", John Holt states that students come to school with excitement, anticipation. But later, students more become passive, lazy under the educational system. Same as in my own country, South Korea, need to have some improvements to make better educational system. Entrance exam should not be the ultimately important, No more after-school tutoring, and promote the Gardner's methods.

Answer 1

For many students, education is the most important thing in their young life. They know that it is very important to get as much as they can from their educational setting. However, there are some students that do not participate in their education, do not study, and seem bored in their educational setting. This could just be that the student is lazy. However, one reason may be that they are not in a conductive learning enviroment for their particular learning style. In School is Bad For Children, author John Holt states that students start school with excitement, anticipation and an eagerness to learn. But later in their education they become passive, lazy, and reluctant to learn. It is the same in my own country in South Korea, and there needs to be some alterations in our educational system. Entrance exams should not be given the sole importance, after school tutoring should not be required, and there should be further promotion of Gardner's methods.

Answer 2

We understand what you are saying, but there are a few issues with grammar and fluency. Here are a few edits:

For students like me, education is a very important thing. Students know it's important so they try to learn well at school. However, some students don't study, some are bored at school, and some don't want to work. Sometimes the educational system is to blame when students are not doing well in school. In "School is Bad For Children", John Holt states that students initially come to school with excitement, anticipation. But later, students become passive and lazy under the educational system. In my own country, South Korea, we need improvements to have a better educational system. Entrance exam should not be of utmost importance, nor should after-school tutoring be necessary. Promoting Gardner's theories and methods of multiple intelligences would improve our education system.

I hope this helps.