I have tried to talk to mine about a problem that reoccurrs in our lives. It bothers me, but it doesn't bother him. It bothers me to the point sometimes that I can't sleep and I really get upset...I don't let him see me cry about it though. I did one time. It isn't porn or anything like that it just involves a person who does things to hurt me that is in his life and I wish they weren't. He doesn't seem to understand the magnatude of this problem. I am not a sissy or overly sensitive in my life, it is just this one thing....and I don't know what to do about it. How can I not only get him to hear me, but feel me was well on this one? I am at a huge loss. Please help.
2007-11-15 07:44:14 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its difficult to get someone to understand that magnitude of a problem sometimes, and it sounds like that is the problem you are having with your husband. My suggestion is to find a time when no one else is around, kids, friend, relatives, etc. and when neither one of you has to be somewhere else, and sit him down and explain in detail what the problem is, if he trys interrupting, let him know that this issues is not resolving itself. The other thing you can try, and since you were not specific about the issue, is avoiding the person as much as possible. Also, do not let this person get the best of you, that is what some people do as entertainment and that may be the case here. Even if you are completely devastated by the person's behavior, hold your head up and act like your life could not be better, this drives people like that nuts...and you will feel better to. Good Luck!
2007-11-15 07:53:44 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this person is a relative. The only thing you can do is try to work it out with the person you are having problems with. Your husband cannot do anything but listen and he is probably sick and tired of hearing about it. Talk to the person who is giving you trouble and ask if you two can start all over again. If they are not willing then you can say you tried. If they come around then leave. Your husband is not there to take sides he is there to love you.
2007-11-15 15:48:30 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously if he continues having a relationship with this individual it's because: 1) you didn't get your point across to him; 2) the person involved is important to your husband; 3) he is insensitive to your feelings or 4) a combination of the first 3, or something I haven't mentioned or am not aware of. I say you talk to him again... and really tell him how it is affecting you. In the mean time avoid being around that person.
2007-11-15 15:51:19 · answer #3 · answered by V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are going through to a point (since I don't know your exact situation). The same is happening with me. It two different areas of our life. (two different people) There is nothing really you could do to not associate with this person. It is always going to be there. I am not sure exactly how to get him to listen and understand how you feel cause I have tried. We have discussions about things all the time and never seems to do any good once the discussion is over. I don't know why they are like this but if you have any tips please help me out also.
2007-11-15 15:52:14 · answer #4 · answered by bbygrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is a family member of his, the chances are they will always be in his life. If it is his mother, many sons have a blind spot for their mom's. You need to make sure you tell him in no uncertain terms how much this situation hurts you. It is keeping you up at night, so obviously it is major to you. We also must remember that to some people certain things are more important then they are to others, so all you can ask from him is love and support not necessarily full sympathy with the problem.
2007-11-15 15:50:39 · answer #5 · answered by hawkeye316 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop masking your pain for him, because he certainly isn't masking the fact that he isn't too concerned with your feelings. If this person is in his life and is causing hurt and upset to his wife, then this person needs to be talked to and HE should be the one doing it. What kind of husband is he if he can't come to your defense or at the very least point out to this individual that you are hurt by them? Your hubby needs to act as the buffer between you, because if it weren't for your hubby this person wouldn't have any meaning in your life whatsover. His number one priority should be you, and I don't care if this is a family member or even his mother. If he values this other persons feelings over yours even when you make it clear that it's really hurting you inside, then he should go live with them. Sorry, but there's no excuse for a hubby to be ignoring his wife's feelings!
2007-11-15 15:52:24 · answer #6 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people don't want to recognize issues because then they would have to deal with it differently....Otherwise known as DENIAL.
I'm sure he realizes that something is bothering you... but if he acknowledges it to you, then he'll have to make changes....and changes are not easy for many people.... expecially if this situation involves immediate family, ex-spouses or best friends.
My suggestion is that you start to deal with it differently.
It's apparent that you can't depend on him to make any changes..... learn to change how YOU react or deal with this situation. Sometimes when we see others making changes it's not so scary to make changes ourselves.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.....counselors, therapy etc. That will help you with many situations and issues in your life. Take care of yourself first.
Good Luck and Peace to you.
2007-11-15 15:55:57 · answer #7 · answered by Kaybee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bit hard to advise when you haven't told us details, but the best way to deal with men is to come out with it. It's much easier for them to give you what you want when you tell them what that is.
"Honey, I have this problem, I don't know what to do about it, but I need your help." Or better still, "Honey, I have this problem, I think these options will help me deal with it, please help."
If it's that you feel he should be sticking up for you, say so. If you can't stand the person and don't want to see them, tell him that you can't deal with them, so could he make arrangements to see them when you are out, or at their place instead of yours, or whatever. Tell him that you feel you are being a bit too sensitive about it, but you can't help it and it's making you really unhappy. You don't want to spoil his friendships or anything, but you need to come to some kind of arrangement that will allow you both enough of what you need.
2007-11-15 16:05:13 · answer #8 · answered by Rosie_0801 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have got to just tell him, honestly how you feel. Let him know how much you are affected by what this person does. Let him see you cry. Let him see you loose sleep. Maybe then he will realize how bad this is for you.
2007-11-15 15:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is tell him. If he still refuses to take your feelings into consideration, there is not much you can do.
You need to accept just a few facts. You cannot change him, but you can change yourself. You need to decide if you are going to accept him as he is, or if you are going to do some changing for yourself.
Good luck. Just make sure you are being honest with yourself about your feelings.
2007-11-15 15:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋