I wanted to run something buy you guys. My wife moved out on me a few days ago. We came up with a plan that I am not too sure is fair...if you have any suggestions let me know. Keep in mind, the goal here is to make the visitation between the both of us EXACTLY equal. Every Monday from 9am to Wednesdays at 6pm our two boys with be with their mom. From Wednesdays at 6pm to Saturday morning at 9am our boys will be with me (dad). We alternate every other weekend but she wants my weekends cut short stopping at 6pm on Sunday night, however her weekends are Saturday morning to Monday morning. No child support to be paid by anyone, and she agreed that I (dad) would be designated as the custodial parent. I need some suggestions A) Can I gain sole custody of my boys...she basically ignores the fact that she agrees that I should/will be their custodial parent. B) Any divorced folks out there have any parenting plans that work for you all. Any suggestions would be wonderful. Thanks a lot all!!
2007-11-15 07:43:15 · 16 answers · asked by Jamie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly as long as she is willing to designate you as the cusodial parent and you do not have to pay any child support, I'd not worry so much about the few hours here or there. It is the overnights that count, anyway. Always think to yourself that it good for the kids to see their mom. What she is giving you is a gift and you should accept it because so many men get screwed in divorce. Take it and be happy with it. You are a lucky man.
2007-11-15 07:54:06 · answer #1 · answered by SwingKat_99 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, in gaining sole custody you have to prove that she is an unfit mother. whether by abuse or neglect. it seems that the both of youo are neglecting to realize the impact that it would have on the children that will be the ones who will live like gypsies. Children need a nuturing and stable environment. School and extra curricullar activites are scheduled, life should not be as scripted. Take the offensive, make your ex believe that you are seeing things her way, however let your atty know that this is not healthy to your children. Also advise your atty that your ex does not want to pay child support and this is the motivation that she is using to horde the children away from you. Communicate more with your counselor and less with the enemy. Been there done that and have learned a $3,800 /mo lesson the hard way!
2007-11-15 07:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by James R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not exactly equal. Her days M-W, yours W-S, yet your alternate the weekends? Aern't Saturday's one of your days? Calculate it out and you'll see it's not equal. What about one week yours and the next hers? Less confusing and equal.
It's more difficult for the man to receive sole custody, barring things like drugs/alcohol abuse by the mother.
Edit: Sparkles: Are you saying that his proposed solution is worse for a child than having to live with parents who fight all the time and clearly don't get along? Didn't think so.
In addition I would think about things before making a deal. I have no idea what type of person your wife is but realize by agreeing to no child support on both sides coupled with you being designated as the custodial parent can lead to you shouldering the majority of the financial part of your child. Just food for thought.
2007-11-15 07:48:17 · answer #3 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel it's unfair, don't sign the dotted line. That's just the bottom line in situations like these. As for your age, that doesn't matter...are you a good father? Do you keep your kid's best interest at hand? Do you treat your ex fairly? Do you badmouth the ex to the kids? Are you willing to work with the other parent to keep as normal a life as possible?
Just questions to think about....
Check out www.deltabravo.net. GREAT site and different parenting plans of all kinds, for all situations.
I do not think you'll get sole custody. The mother isn't an unfit parent. That's really the bottom line. I wish you all the luck in the world. I know first hand that these sitautions suck beyond belief and it's always the kids that suffer from the parents duking it out. Keep it as simple and fair as possible and avoid screaming matches at all costs.
2007-11-15 07:53:05 · answer #4 · answered by Momto2inFL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try reconciling so your children do not have to spend part of the time with one parent and part of the time with the other. My niece is doing that with her ex, and their little boy is having a lot of problems at home and in school because of it. You two got married and had children. You should stay together and rear them together so they will grow up to be adults without issues because mom and dad got a divorce. All this little boy knows is that his parents are forever in court fighting about custodial privileges. Make sure you get these problems settled so there will be no back and forth to court. You have an equal settlement, then you should have equal time with your sons.
2007-11-15 07:49:15 · answer #5 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you take full custody, is she harmful to them in any way? I think that deal you have is good cause if you go to court you'll get the same schedule since she agrees with it but... they'll slam you with child support even though you have them just as much. She's being reasonable, I wouldn't push it. Child support, depending on your income can be between$100-$200 a week... plus you'll be supporting the half the week!! Stick with the deal. Or..... you could live together but lead seperate lives?!?!? Good luck.
2007-11-15 07:50:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anna M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi mate! got some good news....
you can but will probably have a big fight to win. I've got full custody of my 2 boys and girl. I was lucky my X was a bit of a nutter and she made it easy for me to win. She has calmed down now so she See's them half the week Sunday morning to Wednesday afternoon but its all on my terms. One thing to remember is "what is best for the children"
Good luck mate hope it goes good for you
don't listen to sparkles. My children are very happy as they now have happy parents how aren't arguing all of the time and they get double the presents
2007-11-15 07:51:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The schedule is just too crazy. How old are your boys, because if they are not in school yet this is going to be hard to manage when they are.
If you can come to an agreement between yourselves and just have the lawyers draw it up that is great. My ex and I hammered everything out between ourselves and just had the lawyers draw up the proper paperwork. Just like an above poster we do the every other full weeks. And our daughter loves it. We tried different days of the weeks and it was chaotic for our child as well as ourselves.
2007-11-15 07:56:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think Prudence is right in what she says. At the end of the day it is not you or your ex who is the important party here but your kids. If either of you start using the kids as weapons in your personal battles then you need to go back to the drawing board.
One week on one week off sounds excellent, then both parents get to share the various activities that take place during the week, and your boys will love you for it.
Focus on your kids and not your ex.
2007-11-15 07:51:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can fight her for custody but unless you can prove the kids are abused, she's an addict, or drunk she has the rights like you do. It's hard to shuffle kids off and on. Speaking from experience. See if she will agree will you. The better you two agree, it's easier on you and the courts don't try to rule your life.
2007-11-15 07:48:29 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋