K. I've been cheating... So yell at me please so I feel better.?

Question

Married forever. I have been good for soooooooo long (years) and then I slipped up and slept with someone else... (sure he was gorgeous and it was the very best sex I have ever had (seven times) and now he's sleeping with someone else. And I feel as used as I should feel even tho it was just a fwb situation. So go ahead... please yell at me cuz I was lonely, neglected, and had an anemic sex life. I just wanted to know what it felt like to lay with someone else... ( I was married at 18) and frankly... it was too great and I would do it again if he would just summon me... but I feel like such a loser cuz it didn't even last seven weeks and all that so call me names cuz that's the way you all are in this great community... I know that. It's just where do I go from here? Hell? Divorce? Suicide?

Answer 1

Nice job.

You didn't slip up. You did what you wanted to do without regard for your husband, your marriage, or your self respect.

I couldn't care less how good your sex was.

Yelling at you won't help though - you don't seem to actually regret it. You have some big soul searching to do about why you don't respect and love your husband enough to fix things on that end.

Answer 2

Chalk it off to experience and then do one of several things: (1) don't tell your husband and just continue being married and stop seeing other men; (2) continue to cheat until he catches you and divorces you; (3) If you think he'll go along, find out if he's willing to change your marriage to an 'open marriage' in which the both of you no longer promise exclusivity; (4) Find out if you can get your husband to have sex with you more often; (5) If you think the issue is so serious that you can't continue to stay with him and you need more sex than he's willing to give, then and only then would divorce be an option.

Divorcing him just because you had a fling with some guy would be like putting a loaded pistol to your head and pulling the trigger to cure a hangover. And while it might be a bit dishonest, it's probably better not to tell him, if he's the type that would go nuts about it.

Answer 3

ummm, kay I am not yelling at you. You are totally confused. Where you go from here is straight to a counselor.
What you do right now is start infusing a little excitement in your marriage, your sex life, do a weekend away with hubby, experiment a little, ask husband if he would be ok with pumping a little zip into the whole thing. Believe me, if you are not excited neither is he. My ex didn't get it, but I am praying your husband will. Then start working with the rest of your marriage, dinner out, talking to each other, share some activities together, etc.
The grass looks greener - remember that old saying - but it really isn't. The jerk you fell off the good wagon for is already on to someone else, he wouldn't stay with you if you were available. Face the ugly truth.
I do not think you should tell your husband.
After the counseling, after you are working to put zip in your marriage, after you have had time to think you then decide if you want to stay with him or divorce.
That's where you go from here, you get your head straight then decide if you want to stay or go. Hell is for God to decide. Suicide is no solution only providing pain for everyone else.

Answer 4

Well, for God's sake, stop being so dramatic. You are most emphatically NOT a looser, and, certainly, not the only person to ever stray. You know, for the most part, it's the men who do this, and a lot of times, society let's this slide and see this as accepted. So you have been a bit of a naughty kitty...;)
Look, just calm down, and figure out what you want.
Obviously, this was physical and this guy is not, or ever was, for keeps.
Looks like, you have fallen for him, and your emotions are tangled in this.
Your marriage is suffering, and may be on it's way for divorce, but that happens too. If you want out of the marriage, do so, then you will be single and free to date who you want.
Suicide is never the answer. I mean, come on. You are a grown up intelligent person. Get it together.
I suggest maybe get yourself a weekend away in a SPA somewhere to get pampered and think things over (you vixen. That is not a bad word.) And then set a definitive course for your life. We only live ONCE. We deserve to be happy. Take care and cheer up will you?

Answer 5

Sounds like you don't need people to yell at you....you are doing that to yourself already. I think you are just bored with your marriage and cheated to feel more alive and this other person made you feel attractive and your husband doesn't. Also, having been married at such a young age and for a long time you never had the chance to see what else is out there. Only you can decide if you want to continue having affairs or try and get the spice back in your marriage.

Answer 6

We all make mistakes in life and don't be sorry for what you have done. Alot of people cheat and some are sorry and some aren't. The guy was only using you for sex so sorry if he hurt you so better luck next time if it happens again. Yes, I have cheated and yes the sex was the best I have ever had. I was married for alot of years and did not get anything out of my marriage so what happened was something that I did not think that I would ever do. The guy that I was seeing ended up falling for me and wanted to marry me but I could not. I did get divorced and we still stayed together. We are no longer together now because he died in 2002. I still miss and love him. I am now married again and I will never tell my husband that I cheated because he does not approve of cheating and he would most likely not trust me again. I am not planning to cheat ever again in my life. No matter what happens.

Answer 7

It doesn't sound like your husband has a clue, so no worries about divorce, unless that's what you want. Hell? who knows?? Suicide? I hope not! Definitely don't do that, unless you're overly curious about the possible hell outcome... but seriously, you don't sound like you have any remorse for doing it... it sounds like you're venting your withdrawl from the affair on here... that and the fact that you feel used. I don't know what to tell you, except that since your husband is neglectful, to try and find someone else to sleep with... it sounds like you really, really wanted some good love.... and it sounds like you still do. We are who we are, for some I have to believe they would choose not to cheat, and for others it's not a tough decision, we all have our priorities and we go for it... whatever it may be. It's never too late to change, so if you don't like the way you feel right now... then change.

Answer 8

Alright, take a breath. You made a mistake. You're human chances are you will make many more mistakes. Hopefully none that end with you cheating again though.

It's obvious that you feel bad for doing it but the real question is why do you feel bad? Is it because you cheated or is it because you cheated and the guy you cheated with only did it for the *** and threw you to the curb after he had his fun with you?

There are many reasons people cheat. You need to ask yourself if you cheated because you are unhappy in your marriage or was it simply because you needed to be touched and your husband wasn't doing his job and providing you with that affection?

It's clear that you have problems in your marriage. Most marriages end because the people in the marriage don't communicate. You should have spoken with your husband before cheating to try and fix the problem. You obviously didn't do that but you still need to talk to your husband and see if this is something you can overcome as a couple or if it's time to call it quits.

Talk to your husband and be absolutely 100% honest with him. You aren't a bad person, you just made a bad choice. You're only human.

Answer 9

That was the most messed up thing I've seen yet.

Your sex life sucked...okay, should have divorced him then, you could lay with all the "gorgeous" men you want. Not to mention you married at 18, didn't you think that should have been a RED FLAG?

Since the milk has been spilled, it's time to start divorce proceedings and let your soon to be ex husband find a woman that will treat him right.

In the meantime, go sow your oats all you want.

Answer 10

I cheated on my husband of 7 years it broke his heart and in the end we got a divorce. He still hates me for it not to mention what it did to my kids. I would give my life to have my family back. I still love him but so much has happened. He was so hurt that it has turned into pure bitterness. The other guy well I still see him but I look at him and tell myself it really wasn't worth it so the next time you cheat you need to think about who it hurts and what the chances are that your not ruining your marriage. I have learned my lesson I hope you have learned yours he sounds like he just wanted a piece of a** and you just so happen to be there. Looks aren't everything. Love your husband with all your heart and don't do it anymore. I hope you don't have kids. Good Luck!

Answer 11

You do not have any excuses but it sure looks like you are trying to convince yourself you are a wonderful wife and a great example for ...other cheaters .

Rationalization and justification do not work in your case. It looks like you want people to feel sorry for you and pat you on the back and say forget about it.. but the truth is.. all you are is a lousy adulteror. A cheat. A quitter.

You even try to make us whom you beg for answers to your question feel badly for telling you the truth about yourself.

So.. you are still only 18 and immature. I feel sorry for your husband and any children you have.

A. You are an insincere wife and human being.
B. You are an adulteror.
C. You are immature.

Have a nice day and stop asking .