I guess I'm pretty stupid too. My husband tries to hide/erase emails that he sends his friends that are girls. JUST FRIENDS. I know that they are just friends, but why does he feel the need to hide it from me? He knows that I check his mail. I don't understand what is going on in his head right now. I KNOW that they are just friends, so why would he have to hide that he is talking to HER. I read the email before he erased it. It went like "hey buddy." She wrote back something about running 2 miles. ...it was all small talk. But he feels the need to make me feel that he doesn't talk to her. WHY? I guess I should say that we fought over it before. I accused him of liking her (I jumped the gun too soon before I thought). But when he does things like this it makes me wonder why he would hide it. Does he feel guilty? Should I bring it up? I want to let this go before he gets home. I am p*ssed and trying to calm down.
2007-11-15 07:29:05 · 26 answers · asked by sunnysideup 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me add that I am stupid because I know that it is bad of me to check his mail behind his back. He secretly knows that I check it though. I don't care. I'm still mad.
2007-11-15 07:32:06 · update #1
I know he isn't cheating on me. I am just p*ssed that he is so ignorant. So just leave it alone?? I know it is soo wrong of me to check his mail...but I do it because of situations like that.
2007-11-15 07:38:48 · update #2
I'm not mad that he is talking to her at all. I trust him and his friendship. I am hurt that he is trying to hide it from me. That is why I got to the point I did a couple of months back when I accused him. He wasn't telling me, because he knew that it would hurt my feelings. My feelings are hurt right now because of his dishonesty.
2007-11-15 07:55:04 · update #3
Men naturally want to avoid quarrel, and they do the stupidest things to avoid them! In my theory, your husband just wants to avoid any conflict between you and him, so all these emails, big or small, he doesn't even want to argue or talk about--as you have in the past.
Suggestion: Maybe it's best if you don't check his emails. It'll give him a sense of privacy, and every married individual needs that! It'll also take the stress off you... But to be fair, ask him not to check your email too! :-)
2007-11-15 07:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by Denise Draven-Ramirez 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't want you to feel insecure. That's why he's trying to cover it. If he was cheating on you or liked her... you would have read something incriminating. Some women are insecure... just like some men are insecure. Open communication helps and if you both decide to just really talk about it and work out a plan... that might go a long ways into helping your relationship run more smoothly. I mean if you accused him of liking her... maybe that's why he tried to hide it? Men can have friends that are women and vice versa.
2007-11-15 15:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by V 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though this man is having an emotional affair. If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't jump up to erase them so you cannot see them. He is feeling guilty over something. He shouldn't be emailing other women on the internet and expecting you to be ok with it. You are not the stupid one. If you continue and let him act this way and not do anything about it well then things are going to happen and yes then you will be stupid. Tell him it is either you or his email buddies.
2007-11-15 15:37:40 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is a hard one. I never do too well when I have to put up with my man going out with female friends. I can't get into his mail, probably best, I would definitely over react if I knew he chatted with females and only get over it after a little "blow out", you know, do you like her??!! and being reassured etc...
If it was me I would ask him why he erases his emails to / from his mate. It makes you feel like he has something to hide. See what he says.
Also, if he is going to cheat or develop crushes on other women, there is nothing you can do about it except preserve yourself. You're worth your weight in gold. If he doesn't love you and chooses to develop loving / sexual relationships with other women then you don't need him. Having said that it is perfectly natural to get some reassurance that you and your man are still on track. ANd try not to jump the gun (I used to have me and my man practically separated over stuff / thoughts in my head about him and other women and that was BEFORE I had even talked to him.) Does he put up with you having male friends?
2007-11-15 15:47:39 · answer #4 · answered by Rinkidink 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Explain to him what you have just said. Calm down take it off your mind, forget about it for now; spot check it two months from now and everything should be okay. You have trust issues and you want everything out in the open for your relationship to work. Let him know this. Good luck.
2007-11-15 19:03:45 · answer #5 · answered by Titus12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. When you find out about hiding of little things it causes doubt. Some people feel that they need to do it. I was once told by a friend the reason she hid or lied about little things is so it wouldn't cause an issue. Well, what those people dont realize is when you do find out it causes a huge issue in mistrust.
2007-11-15 16:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by Stuey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because they have penises. Haha! Really, he is trying to avoid confortation, even if he is innocent. Guys don't like to argue, especially with women. They would rather avoid it than talk about. Next time pretend it doesn't mean anything to you. If you want to take it a step further, start emailing to some guy friends, a lot! And then make it obvious that you are trying to hide it when he comes in the room.
2007-11-15 15:33:52 · answer #7 · answered by Mary 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
His first loyalty should be to you.If he has nothing to hide then the friendship should be above board.Marriage is about communication.In some respects you should check his emails for other reasons such as he is not writing to young girls?Why is he being so secretive?Maybe you could write back to the girls yourself.
2007-11-15 19:26:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have answered your own question as to WHY he keeps his contact with her a secret, he's scared that you will be mad at him. Why don't you tell him calmly that you know he Emails her and you're fine with it. If she is a good friend of his then why not get to know her a bit better? Why not invite her over for a few drinks? It will set your mind at ease and it may make your husband realise that you don't see her as a threat, so he can relax as well.
2007-11-15 15:51:59 · answer #9 · answered by Bonnie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he resents the fact that you read his email. Why do you feel the need to do that? If they are truly just friends why do you need to read his messages? That type of constant intrusion and lack of trust can be stifling. It may make him start packing.
2007-11-15 15:36:52 · answer #10 · answered by zoee_d 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋