I am dating a man who is married, but he says he's going to leave his wife, should I stay with him?

Question

I've been dating this man for almost a year. I just recently found out that he's still married but he says he didn't tell me because he's in the middle of a divorce. But why is it taking so long? Should I wait for him? or should I just leave?

Answer 1

Of course, not! Run!

Answer 2

I think even taking the fact that he is STILL married out of the equation you should still leave him. He lied to you, and that was QUITE a big lie, and liars aren't good. You can't fix them and they don't stop. And just think, if he could keep the fact that he's been married the whole time a secret and tell you THAT BIG of a lie, then what else he might be hiding or not telling you about?
Time to move on, that's a big no no.
I think you will regret it down the road if you don't get out now. If he was in the middle of a divorce most people have no problem telling the new person they are dating that. What's there to hide if that was the case and it wasn't important? If there is no problem and getting a dicorce was the truth then why would he hide it from you? And how could you guys be together A YEAR without it ever coming up? I'm assuming you guys talked about past relationships at least to some extent, so what lies did he tell you during that conversation?

Answer 3

Are they actually sepearted. As in they don't live together and they are actaully getting a divorce. I think its a little worry sum that he didn't tell you he was/is married. Its kind of a big secret to keep from someone. My parents divorce took about 5 years but while they were going through the process they weren't together and dated other people. If he's still with his wife in anyway besides a friendship or comunicating for divorce or kid reasons i personally would leave him at least until his divorce is done. Although im not sure how much i would trust someone if he cheated on his wife. I guess i don't see any other reasons to lie about getting a divorce. And its not like you guys have been together for only a little while a year is quite a long time.

Answer 4

That's probably one of the oldest tricks in the book. Guys who don't want to leave the wife - or would be facing expensive alimony or other expenses if they did - will tell the girlfriend that they're going to leave the wife (possibly for her).

A guy should either admit he's having an affair, for fun, or break it off if the girlfriend isn't interested in sharing him with his wife. That would be the 'honest' thing to do. (If they guy had an open marriage then he'd probably do exactly that.)

If you like things as fun but with no expectation of anything more, then go along with it for now. Otherwise, if you want more than just some guy to have sex with, move on. Because if he figures that you want more and expect him to divorce his wife - and he won't - then he'll move on to another broad. (That is not meant to be a slur on you; I'm referencing it from his point of view, he picks up extragirls to use for sex; he just finds another broad to use when one starts to become extra clingy,)

Answer 5

Word of advice stay away from married men. My sister once knew a man that was married said the same thing but as time went by he couldn't deal with two women, so he end up committing suicide. My sister wouldn't listen she believed everything he would tell her. But you should take my advice and don't go through it.

As long as two women are involved in that man's life then you will have to deal with a lot of drama, confusion, arguments, women fights, stress, and even depression. And that is not Happiness or Love! You don't need that in your life.

PS: If he really cared and loved you,
he would have told you from the beginning
that he still is married.

Answer 6

He is having sex with you. He is not planning on telling you the truth. You said YOU found out ...seems as though it was an accident you found out though you did not say so. It is taking a long time probably because he is having fun having sex with you..probably talks about exactly what you do to him during sex with his friends.. makes fun of how stupid and dense you are for sticking around for more and all the time..he is still having sex with you just because he can. His wife probably stopped having sex with him because she probably got so many stds from women like you willing to be used.

Stop being a target, woman. What are you, some kind of antelope blinded by spotlights during hunting season at night illegally?

By the way, since you didn't leave when you found out he is nothing but a cheater and an adulteror.. that makes you one too. You better hope his wife does not find out about you and who you are and where you live.

Adultery is such a serious back stabby thing. Why bother with it? If you keep this up you better remember that old saying..what goes around comes around.

Answer 7

Just break up with him temporarily. Tell him you're breaking up with him until after the divorce is final. Doing this would keep everything above-board.

Disclaimer: I said the above because I can tell you like him. However, finding out "recently" after dating him for a year, is highly suspicious! For me, that would be a deal breaker because it would feel like he had been keeping a very big secret from me. He is obviously not a forthcoming man, and therefore not to be trusted. Furthermore, you say you "recently found out" rather than "he told me". In other words, after all the time you had invested in the relationship, you still had to find out from some source outside of your boyfriend. Again, this is someone who is not being open with you. I would definitely consider such a person below my standards, but I realize not everyone's standards are as high as mine.

Answer 8

You say you have been dating him for a year and just barely found out he was married? Their are obvious signs that you should have been aware of that you obviously chose to ignore. It does not take long to get a divorce. The fact that he already has lied to you shows an insincerity on his part. You need to have a serious talk with him and get all the details of his marriage and upcoming divorce. Tell him you doubt him because he lied to you.

Answer 9

Hmm. He has secretely kept the fact that he is married from you, the "lover" for almost a year.

Add to it, that he has kept YOU as a secret from his wife for almost a year.

I'm sure your heart and brain are telling you the same thing. You are in the wrong coffee kettle. His behaviour only displays deceit and very little indications that when (or if) he does finally divorce his wife, that he will not put you through the same deceit.

He needs some professional help for his immaturity and lack of committment. Let him find himself and grow up before you allow him to bring you and your future down with him.

Answer 10

If you've been dating him a year and he never told you that he was in the middle of a divorce, then he probably isn't or he would have had nothing to hide. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that, at the very least, has been lying or hiding something from you and, at the worst, is still lying to you AND cheating on his wife? Get out of this situation now.

Answer 11

Yah, wait for the divorce to be final then live in a marriage where there's no trust. See how much happiness you two have then. This guy hasn't been honest with you up until recently, so you say, so how could you ever trust him in the future? I doubt that he'll ever get a divorce because he has the best of two worlds. You both reap what you sow.