Why does nobody seem to be able to, or want to, accept me?

Question

I'm a 14 year old girl, and I'm shy. Yes, shy.
I will assume that for some/most of you, the first thing to cross your mind would be that I need to change, and that perhaps I have a big blemish on my personality that needs removing. But whatever people say now, I have learned to accept that that's just me...I'm a shy/quiet person. It's not as if it upsets me anymore; it doesn't bother me or my life.

Anyway, I just have a problem with...everyone, really, (except my family) that they all seem to think that I have this major problem, saying I need to change, that there is something wrong with me. I am always annoyed when random people that I don't know too well approach me and say "Why are you so quiet?" What is it with this society that causes them to have such difficulty in accepting that some people are quiet? Anyway, the time that I would've spent talking about pointless things is spent thinking about deeper, more meaningful things.

Answer 1

In general it's expected that girls especially will be chatty and gossipy. That they're all outgoing and eager to please. When in fact that's just not true. It's not looked at as, as much of a pitfall when boys are shy. Shyness invokes mystery about a person, since you're not so talkative I'm assuming that most people think you're a nasty b*tch when in fact that's probably not the case at all. Shyness also exerts a degree of power and intelligence and other people also don't like it when they feel inferior or stupid in anyway and that's probably exactly how you make people feel. Even though you may not intend to.
Fortunately for woman and men like you opportunities of leadership and responsibility are your destiny whether you want it or not. Teachers, Bosses and the like will always assume that you're more intelligent and responsible than others...and to a degree that's true about shy and non talkative people.
Unfortunately going through school and life you're going to encounter very annoying people that want you to be more like them...talkative, vain and annoying.
Stay confident, stay true to yourself and more importantly stay NON ANNOYING!
There's nothing more I hate than a pretentious and talkative moron because often times they don't have anything good to say and they are considered annoying and dumb. And as you get into the work force you'll realize that these people never go anywhere...even if they posess the intelligence or drive to become something more than a lacky...most people don't take them seriously.

It's complicated but all I can tell you is, that you're fine the way you are...most people cannot change themselves nor should they and ignore it and be yourself.
hope my advice helped.

Answer 2

I'm not sure if this will reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you - but here it is anyway: All 14 year olds have awkward moments. What that means is that you are perfectly normal, and people who want you to speak up are the ones who are probably the uncomfortable ones. You seem very well spoken and educated for a 14 year old. Remember that. Sometimes, those who are the most outgoing are seeking some sort of acceptance... while the shy are fine without the recognition. I did a quick google search to find famous people who were said to be shy. To name a few: Robert Frost, Eleanor Roosevelt, Bob Dole, Barbara Walters, Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Princess Diana

Here is a good article I ran across during my search as well: http://mindpub.com/art311.htm

Good luck!

Answer 3

Wish I knew what to tell you kid, I'm 24 and I'm still shy and quiet, pretty much a loner. I keep to myself a lot and typically don't go our much unless I happen to go to a movie with my family or one of the very few friends I have.

But the worst thing you can say, is that something is wrong with you, nothing is wrong with you. Your just you, different maybe not like everyone around you. Typically there is a reason for the quietness and shyness, I know my reasons, but mine are a little difficult to over come.

The best thing I can tell you is figure out when the real shyness began, perhaps you'll find you answers there and once you do, maybe that will better help yourself to be more open and not be a loner. Good luck to yah.

Answer 4

I think the problem isn't being shy, it's that it bothers you. Yes, there are shy people, and they don't constitute the majority. You're just different, and if you accept that, also accept that people change and you won't always be shy. When people are asking you "Why are you so quiet," maybe they're asking for you to let them in, and they just want to get to know you. What else do you say to someone who thinks deeper thoughts? Most other 14 year olds are thinking about boys and clothes.

Answer 5

It must be so annoying to have people question the very essence of who you are ... a quiet, introspective young lady, who in my opinion, sounds wise for her years!

My guess as to why people approach you with questions may be due to the fact most expect teens to be outgoing, full of banter, and so forth, and it's only human to wonder about someone who is different, or somehow doesn't fit the 'norm'. I wish I had some good advice as to how to make it stop, but I don't. About all I can think of is to approach the matter with understanding, and try to feel good in that others care enough to ask about you.

I was quiet also, when I was a teen, but it was due to depression. How I yearned for someone to ask me what was wrong but no one did and I felt so alone and like there wasn't a soul who cared. That's a terrible feeling as well.

Stay true to yourself as that's what is most important!

Best Wishes!!

Answer 6

I like the way you think. You are right on the money girl! Hi, my name is Christine. I am 14 too. I live in Gainesville, Florida and I attend Westwood Hills Christian School. You should come to our school! I've been to many schools and every single one divides people according to their social status, but at our school, people are not treated differently by how we act. (if we are quiet, loud, nerdy, funny...etc...) Here we are much like a family, everyone knows everyone and we live in a Christian-like atmosphere, but not to the extreme...We still know how to have fun. :)
You do sound like a very smart girl and I think you should be secure in yourself. You shouldn't have to worry about other people or whether or not they accept you. Just be who you are and make yourself happy...because if you try to please everyone else, you will please no one, not even yourself. So no, do the opposite, don't change, be an individual! People will respect you more and be more interested. Just think, if everyone in the world was the same, the world wouldn't be very boring. Hey, you sound like a descent person, you shouldn't have to change for other people. You should just be accepted. If you ever want to talk to someone, because I know how that feels being austricized and everything..., you can always talk to me. :)
Your sister in Christ,
~Steeney Maldini

Answer 7

For a 14 year old, your have an exceptional ability to write to-the-point, concise, and very well organized sentences. It almost appear, someone at least in their 30s wrote them.

Realize, the only thing you can change is yourself. If you are choosing not to change yourself, that's OK. But, be fully aware that you can NOT change anyone else, just the same way someone else can not change you.

If they want to say something to you, that's their business. You have no obligations to listen to them or even acknowledge them. You are not in control of what other people think - including what they think of you.

Just ignore them and go your own way.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with you sweetheart.What matters most is that you are accepting of yourself.Never mind how others percieve you.If you are not bothered by you,then that is more than enough to sustain you.I don't talk too much all the time.I am actually a very outgoing person,but just anyone should not be allowed to get the full you.

Answer 9

I just want to let you know that you are still young and you have plenty of time to have people except you. But remember that you want some one to like you for you and not for something you can become. It's so nice to hear you say that you are happy with yourself because you are right society has raised us to believe certain things, like you need to be skinny, or outgoing, and loud and outspoken. You don't need to change. Never change for anyone but yourself if thats what you want to do. A friend isn't worth having if it's not a true friend. A true friend(s) would never ask you to change, they love you for who you are. You sound like a sweet girl and I wish you the best in life. And society is cruel some times. Be yourself, and be unique, who wants to be like everyone else anyways?

Answer 10

It's generally the norm to make small conversation to pass time. If that's not what you're into, so be it. But you can't expect everyone or most people to understand something that they don't do. Just don't let it bother you when jackasses invade your space and question your behavior. You'll connect with people that are more like you or maybe you'll change in time (not on purpose) and become more open.
Don't stress it and continue to be accepting of your own personality & others.