Should I feel ashamed for having to live back home with my parents?

Question

I left my husband in January because he is an alcoholic and he was taking the bottle over me and our two daughters. I couldn't take it anymore. I had lived that life for 6 years and I couldn't do it to my kids anymore. I chose to leave so he could get better but instead he found another girl that is having his baby and he is still drinking. I am 27 and I don't have any kind of education. I want so badly to give my girls a good,healthy life but I feel so down because I am living at home with my parents. I can't do anything on my own and I feel like a loser. I need to go back to school but I don't see myself being on my own feet for a while. Should I feel this way or should I just accept it? Will my daughters look down on me because I wasn't able to buy them a home when they were younger? I just worry about how they are going to look at me when they get older. Thanks for your advice!!

Answer 1

Don't be ashamed. Do what you need to do to get back on your feet.

Answer 2

Stop the worrying. Put plans into action.

Don't feel like a loser .. and if it is ok for you & your parents to live in their home .. then don't worry about it.

Make yourself a long-term plan. You are still young enough to get an education .. and make a good future for yourself and your daughters.

There are agencies that help give people educations .. you need to search for them. Some of the programs, train on the job, and pay on the job. The main thing is to get yourself an educaction.

This may not be easy - but it IS possible. Just do it .. and don't look back. Use all the help available .. including asking for child support .. and possibley spouse support.

If you start now - and work hard - you can get an education which will help you provide a home for your 2 daughters during some of the most important times of their lives .. probably the teen-age years.

Develop the right attitude, and determination. It can be accomplished by you.

Go for it .. you have a great future awaiting for you, if you seek it.

Answer 3

NO WAY!! You should not feel ashamed for anything. This situation was put on you... you aren't the one with the drinking problem.. If anything, I admire you for getting out of a terrible situation. Whereas kids do listen, and know what is going on around them, they still don't have the adult thinking and know the ropes as adults do. All they comprehend right now is daddy isn't doing good, and mommy is helping us by getting us in a better environment. We all know that they understand that other kids might not have the same problems as they do, but as long as they have the love of a parent, they're happy. I'm sure they want their dad's love also, but since you're the main emotional provider for them, they feed off of anything they can get off you in a positive way. Kids love parents regardless of what they do, and they always will to a point, even bad parents. You can do one of 2 things, go back to school while you are living with your parents, and then you have a built in babysitter, hopefully. THEN, after you get thru with school, find a job that will support you/kids. Or, you could find work, get a place, and maybe take a class or two, and slowly get a degree. Either way, its gonna be a long haul, understand that, and come to terms with it, and then, start plugging along, and counting off the weeks, months, etc, until you are fully self sufficient. By all means, get child support from your ex... if he can afford the bottle, he can send money to support his kids. You're the winner either way with your kids.... take pride in that... Its easy to forget how a kid thinks/feels about a parent.. nothing compares to a parent from a child's eye.. You're doing a great job... keep up the good work!!!

Answer 4

No, Dont feel ashamed.. But use this time very wisely.. And give your daughters the courage to do the same thing you have done.. Be a good example for them .. Get right on bettering yourself as quickly as you can. And once you are able, move on.. that is in my opinion making the best of the situation. And dont say you cant do anything on your own.. because you can.. if you start now making excuses that you cant.. it will make being successful much harder.. Say "I can" and "I will" and teach that to your daughters.. Your daughters will be proud of you.. Be honest with them.. Tell them what is going on.. That way they see how you solved the problems.. they will learn so much from you.. And that will make their lives so much better. They will have experience learned from you.. Be strong.. You CAN do this... Set goals.. Save money and be successful.. i have faith in you..You have already taken the hardest step.. Dont turn back now.. Full steam ahead..

Answer 5

If you are a grown up about this..then you realize that right now at this point you simply do not have a choice. So make the best of it no matter what you think others think of you. Your children must learn by your example to do their best always and to keep their heads up above the flood waters.

If your parents seem like they want you there..hurry up get as many jobs as you can..save plenty ( even tho Christimas is coming SAVE and do not spend ) and then when you are financially stable, find a decent affordable place and move back out. Lots of parents rent and do not own. Just be grateful your parents are there for you and appreciate them with smiles and hugs and kisses.

Your children will learn to accept help graciously and with love rather than being afraid to look others in the eye in shame.

Keep your head up woman! God bless you and try to not look forward too far ahead. Take each day as it comes and let your worrys go to God. He can handle them better than you.

Answer 6

You should not feel bad at all but tell yourself that you were a victim of this guy and now decide what to do about it. First, file for a divorce and child support and go from there. You are looking at the fact that you left this guy and now the girls have no father but look at it the other way. You showed them that a person should not stay with an alcoholic and so they are less likely to put up with one in their own lives. they will understand when they see that he cares more for his alcohol than for you, and probably for them either. Keep your chin up, get that schooling and you will be fine!!

Answer 7

Take this opportunity and better yourself. Go back to school. If your parents cannot watch your kids call social service and see how you can get free daycare. Start your life all over again. My first husband left me for another woman and I hadn't worked for 5 years did not know how to drive and my son was 2 at the time. I had to live with somebody for about 3 months in order to get a place on my own. I had to go on welfare, get food stamps as well. It was embarrassing but I had to do what I had to do to survive. I started looking for work because the welfare system only gives you enough to survive and I wanted more out of life. I had to ride the bus back and forth to work in the heat,rain, and cold. I l eventually had to learn how to drive. As time went by I was putting applications in so I could get better paying jobs. I did it on my own for 4 years without any help. If I can do it you can do it.

Answer 8

No, you shouldn't feel ashamed for that. Things happen that we can't control, at least your parents where nice and understanding enough to let you come stay with them. I do understand what your saying about feeling bad, that's cause your used to being on you own and.I know you don't want your kids to think that your a loser cause your not it's a part of life everybody goes through something. Why don't you talk to your parents about watching your kids while you go back to school. If they work during the day you can go to school at night, or if your kids go to school go to school while there at school, that way you want have to worry about someone watching them. Don't ever think that you can't do anything you can do what ever you set your mind to do!!! Good Luck!!!!

Answer 9

They are going to be proud of you you are there mother you need to know that you has the courage to leave there father and that was a good thing second you are down to the ground know and all you need to do it get back up here is when your parents can help get a job in a department store or somewhere. Just to start out go to online high school at night graduate and get a better job and move up from there it is going to be hard then when you can go get a divorce and get is *** for child support that is good money for you. And see if you can go get help from the health and social services they can help you get child care for your kids if you need to they can help you get food. and clothing so you are not helpless there is so much help out ther for you go out and get help get back on your feet.

Answer 10

You should feel proud. You did the right thing even though it wasn't the easy thing. If you were living with your parents because you were too lazy to get a job and never wanted to leave, that is embarressing. But alot of people need time to get time on their feet after something like what you went through. You did the right thing, feel proud. Your kids won't look down on you because you look the hard road because it was right. You were protecting them.

Answer 11

There is no shame in getting out of a harmful situation. Your children won't look down on that, they will admire your courage. Stay with your parents for a while so you can get on your feet and be grateful that you have such a loving family to lean on. You'll file for a divorce, and soon you'll have child support to help you. Work full time, and look into government college grants for single low income parents...they're out there! Take your time, and don't beat yourself up. You are doing the right thing!