Are the values of the men women choose as mates, an indication of their own commitment to womens independence?

Question

Does the quality of womens future, deserve no better than the quality of the men they sleep with? What do your actions portend for the status of womens independence? Do the men you choose to love, fair well for their perception of other women?

If people can be unconscious about choices as significant as who they sleep with, how likely are they to be conscious about anything else?

I envy 25 year marriages. God bless you!
Me, still single and never married, at 51!

For the answer of self-discovery, thank you for such an honest and poignant recognition of your personal responsibility. Love goes out to you. Live in peace!

Someone here is living with the integrity of values that I am suggesting, even if we don't have the same views. It's the values here that matters. I'm simply asking how many women take the time to truly develop strong values (or not), thinking they're going to get diamonds from trash! If you're not in the trash, you have nothing to be offended about my question.

DOES THIS QUESTION BARE RELEVANCE TO ANOTHER:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071118230145AAirEkL&r=w

Answer 1

i think a self-respecting women should try to be with men who not only treat her well but think positively of women in general. i myself have made the wretched mistake of dating misogynists in the past (when i was 18 or so) and let me tell you, it did a number on my self-esteem. i'm ashamed to have even given such a guy the time of day. i believe one of the first steps to independence and enlightenment for a women is choosing mates, male or female, who truly respect her as a human being. otherwise, she may talk the talk, but she is not walking the walk. it took me a little while to have enough respect for myself to demand respect from men--it took a few years of being condescended to and insulted--but eventually, i swore off jerks and misogynists forever, and i'm never looking back. certainly, women should be conscience of their sexual choices and partner choices, because it directly affects their own self worth.

Answer 2

I choose women by their resistance to extremism. If she's balanced in all things like my parents, she's attractive. If she's physically able enough to carry a 30 to 50 lb backpack and possibly stay on the Appalachian Trail in the Winter for 3 days with me, she's definitely attractive. A roughly built girl who's not drawn to extremism in any respect is attractive. I love balance and calmness. If she needs it to be a different adventure every day, or pay lack to emotion, or anything less than sensitive balance, then she's not attractive. Of course, I'm not sure if there are any other men like me, so you're getting a unique description of an ideal lady here. Physical fitness is paramount. Hmm. I just read the other answers on here. I guess I'm the 1 out of 10 or more kind of guy. Hope the description is a help.

Answer 3

I think that the quality of life style more or less would decide if you can make trash into dimonds, after all its what we put into something that we get out. I know that I for one try my best to recieve the same respect I would want from a commited relationship that I think I diserve to that person.
But I find that once in awhile not often but once inwhile I would find a dud that would be disrespectful and on purpose. thus ending it short, and of course after the hurt is done.
I find if i protray a certain confidence and a certain educational stance then the men I date have the same. After all with laws of attraction like attracts like.
I think in an equal stance there will only be balance and really not equal one will do something better then the other, but without bitterness or contemption.

Answer 4

Well, since I only knew my husband for 3 weeks before I said I would marry him, this topic really didn't come up! Not only that, he is from Poland and that is where I met him. The Poles have a curious dichotomy of traditional religious beliefs and previous communist thinking going on so women are actually very independent.
My husband will, every now and then, come out with a chauvinistic comment, but I will just look at him funny and ask him what he means by it, and then I'll explain to him what is hurtful about it and he laughs at me and says he's sorry...he's Polish! Of course, we've been married for over 25 years so there you have it...

Answer 5

Forgive me if I get off topic of your question, as I'm going to do my best to answer it...
In many ways yes for the simple fact if a woman does not take time to figure out who she is and what she wants before jumping into a commitment like marriage then who is she to complain about what she receives? That'd be like going to a car dealer and saying hey, I don't know what I want the car for, don't know what I want or need so just bring me something...then complain cause the dealer gave you a Ford Escort but three months later you find you sure need a truck to haul that sofa. It just doesn't make sense!
This is one reason I'm not married yet, I just couldn't see marrying someone when I didn't even know myself.

On the other hand, if a woman marries young of course her needs and wants will change in time as will his and they both should understand that and prepare to grow together.

I hope I stayed on topic...*hands in her blue book* feel free to grade me. ;) lol

Answer 6

Yes, I think they definitely can be, especially if the woman is aware of the man's position on issues she regards as important.

I cannot see how a person can marry or partner with someone who has absolutely different/opposite views than them on core issues, and then say "Oh, that's just his/her views, we agree on everything else".

Of course, that's my opinion, I know that others have a different take on it, but if I know a woman is married to a well known racist (for example), I would tend to think she would support his views, at least to the extent of making it comfortable for him to have them and not be challenged in his most intimate relationship.

The same applies to a woman whose husband is a feminist ~ I would assume (perhaps incorrectly) that the woman would share his views, at least to some extent, because I cannot understand how a relationship of any depth could continue otherwise.

This supposes both are honest with each other.

Food for thought!

Cheers :-)

Answer 7

Yes. Marriage is a choice. Most of us choose a partner with similar values and whom we love. But, there are also those who marry for money or some other reason than love. If one of these latter women marry a wealthy guy who is sexist, she is making the choice that having money is more important than being with a guy who respects her.

Answer 8

That's so funny that this post came up, cause today my hubby and I were talking about what it takes to make a marriage work, and what makes it better. We've come up with total undeniable love and respect.
Edit: Well, now that you put it that way; there is this Buddhist thing I've heard about; when we're born we are given either stones or jewels; the best of us are the one who can take stones and make them into jewels..

Answer 9

Of course. Why should I settle for anything less?

I didn't know at first, though, that his politics were similar to mine. I just thought he was brilliant and cute.

Answer 10

Unfortunately sexual attraction occurs mostly on an unconscious level. So I'd say no.