Too embarressed to breastfeed?

Question

I was at the doctors and the baby was hungry and I was too embarressed to nurse. She is only 12days old and we don't plan on taking her out all that much but even at home I get very uncomfortable. I started to pump so she can still have breastmilk.

Has any other mother felt this way? Is such a combination of feelings...one, my body looks terrible. Two, people would know even if under a blanket that I was nursing. Three, everyone seems to use a bottle.

Answer 1

If you feel embarrassed when you are out like that again then have a word with one of the staff and ask if there is somewhere private you can go to breastfeed. Thats what I used to do when I didn't want to just do it in public and the staff were always happy to oblige and would let me use one of the empty consultation rooms or the staff room!

But what I really want to say to you is:

Please *don't* be embarrassed!

Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world!!!

Noone will notice or even care what you are doing, beleive me, you are more concerned about it than they are.

As for everyone using a bottle, thats their problem. I used to go to a mother and baby group full of bottle feeding mums stuffing formula down their babies' throats. When I started breastfeeding they'd stare at me like I was committing an act of gross indecency. I couldn't care less. Bring it on. They are the ones with a problem.

You are doing the very very BEST for your baby, giving her a fabulous start in life. A recent UK study proved that breastfed babies have a higher IQ when they start school than formula fed babies. Whats more, mum's breast is the most comforting lovely thing in the world to a baby. Your baby doesn't care what a bunch of silly people in the doctors office thinks. She just wants to snuggle in close to her mummy and enjoy a lovely yummy breastfeed. Your baby is more important than anyone else and their hang ups about the perfectly natural, healthy and beautiful functions of the human body.

Answer 2

Wow. Of all places to decide not to feed your hungry infant... the doctor's office?? I understand feeling a little embarassed, but to decide not to feed your hungry baby? Sad. Your main concern should be your baby, and deciding not to feed him/her when they're hungry - for any reason - is inexcusable.
Now - I understand being embarassed about your post-baby body. I was, too. Google "Hooter Hiders" or even "breastfeeding cover" and you'll get a multitude of sites where you can buy something to cover up while you nurse. As for people knowing that you're nursing under the cover, who cares? Doesn't the health and well-being of your baby matter more to you than that? And for thinking that everyone seems to use a bottle, I say this - don't base your decisions on how to care for your child on what you think everyone else is doing. They don't matter.
I still breastfeed my 6 month old daughter. She's never had formula. I'm in my office pumping right now. I only give her breastmilk in a bottle if we're separated. I try to wear nursing tops when we go out, but it doesn't matter. I've nursed in restaurants, the doctor's office, wherever. Because it's what's best for her, and nothing else matters.

Answer 3

I sympathize with your embarrassment. It was very difficult for me at first because I care what people think. It's easy for other people to say you shouldn't care, it's harder to actually do it...

Things got better for me over time and now, with my second child, I am a nursing in public expert. I use a cover sometimes but that actually screams "I am breastfeeding" to everyone around. I feel like it attracts attention but I am okay with it because my main purpose is to cover my pasty belly fat, etc. LOL. You can also try nursing clothes or nursing in a baby carrier. When I am doing that, most people think the baby is just sleeping...

You could try nursing your baby in front of a mirror so you can know what others see when you are nursing in public. Practicing being more discreet in front of the mirror works. I wish we didn't have to feel this way in this society but I understand.

Finally, regarding the posters who said you can just pump a bottle and that it can't hurt... It CAN hurt. You have to be very careful that you don't jeopardize your milk supply by pumping bottles. You will need to pump more often than you would need to nurse in order to give your breasts enough stimulation. Babies can get 2 to 10 times more milk from your breasts than a breastpump can. I am not saying you shouldn't pump bottles, I am saying it is a lot more work and you need information on how to do it right so you don't start slowly losing your milk supply. Please read kellymom's website, the pages on milk production, nursing in public and pumping.

Answer 4

You will probably get a ton of answers from both sides of the fence on this question.

Yes I was embarressed, my body was bad, my boobs huge and I totally did not know what I was doing. Plus I really did not want people to see me in public.

Your feelings are normal and do not be ashamed of them.

Do not stay in the house becuase of this.

I think you have come up with a good solution. Pumping, although can be somewhat time consuming gives you the best of both worlds. You are still giving breast milk, you can go out and feel comfortable feeding your baby and other people can enjoy feeding your child as well. You are still holding and loving on your baby and bonding. Then you can breast feed at home. I did this and did not have any issue with nipple confusion, but there is a chance and you might have to choose one or the other. It is worth a try.

I would say that there are just as many mothers with bottles as not. Do not let what you see out there influence your decision. Do what works for you and your baby.

Remember this time will fly by and you will be in a new stage in about a year. Enjoy your time and who cares, really, what the other people out think. (They might be thinking how cute your baby is or that you see like a good mother!)

Please do not stay in the house! You need to show off you baby! Plus at this age they sleep most of the time so going out to dinner is easy! Just wait until they are 1 and will not sit still!

(Mother of 2 girls, 4 and 1 - Pumped from a few days old for both)

Answer 5

When I just came home after having my baby, my mother in law would hang over my like a vulture when we nursed... I HATED it! To make matter worse, my son had trouble latching because he's tongue-tied and it just added to my stress levels. It got so bad, and I felt so uncomfortable and stressed by it all, that my milk supply went down. I started pumping exclusively, and fed my son with a bottle for about 4 weeks. Then I got sick of the pump and bought some nipple shields...

Anyway... in time you'll adjust. It is a bit uncomfortable to breastfeed in public and I don't do it. I take along breastmilk in a bottle (I always have a few bottles on 'standby'). If you're really that uncomfortable, using a bottle minimally won't affect your supply or cause nipple confusion, just put your baby back on your breast as soon as you're home and she'll be fine.

Just a note... I used to take bottles with me when we visited friends too - I'm over that now, I just tell them I'm going to feed the baby and would they mind showing me to a room where we can both be comfortable. If not, I just cover us both with a blanket.

There's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to breastfeed in public, not everyone has it in them to do it. I can't, but at least my boy still gets his mommy's milk, and that's what's important.

Answer 6

Some people it is hard to nurse in front of people. I was very scared at first also but then I got used to it after a while. I felt fine after about 3 months of nursing. Don't worry about others worry about your child. You just got done having a child after 9 months of being inside the belly. Your baby is just 12 days old and you have alot of time to lose all the weight you gained. To you your body might not look the same but to your husband/boyfriend your body looks fine. I did not care what people thought of me breast feeding. Psss the baby has to eat. If you have tinted windows in your car while out you can go there or alot of people use the rest area because there is hardly anyone in the. Hope I helped.

Answer 7

If you want to give your baby all the great benefits of breastmilk - then give it to her! Don't worry about the public. There are some moms that are okay with whipping out the boob in the middle of the mall - they dont care who sees it. But if you're in a somewhat private area of a public place, you should not feel ashamed for having to feed your baby. Especially in a doctor's office. If you had a two year old latched on, you might get some looks, but a baby that's 12 days old is expected to be hungry - and by many, expected to be nursed.

I was never embarrassed by nursing in public. I wouldn't be flamboyant about it, but I'd privately latch my daughter on and cover us both up with a blanket. If anyone was really looking, they might have seen a tiny flash of nipple, but I didn't really care. But I understand how self conscious you're feeling right now. Nursing actually helps you lose baby weight!

If this is something you really want to do, then don't worry about what other people think. If you're really caught up on the whole "nursing in public" thing, then pump extra so you can take along a bottle when you do go out.

Everyone who is using a bottle, is either pumping, or is formula feeding. My experience has taught me that those who formula feed are generally not educated on the wonderful benefits of breast milk, or they are too lazy to give breastfeeding a GOOD chance. And by good I mean more than a couple of weeks and using their resources for problems, such as a lactation consultant or doctor.

Good luck, and really, you're doing a wonderful thing for your baby by breastfeeding - you shouldn't care what total strangers think of you. Your baby will thank you by not having bad diapers, not being sick as much, maintaining a healthy weight, and by increased brain development. Your breastmilk is gold to the kid!

Answer 8

Hey. That's not right.

I'm sorry that society has led you to believe that casually latching your 12 day old infant onto your breast under a blanket is suspect.

That's terrible. You are doing a wonderful thing, you are giving your baby this wonderful and amazing chance to grow a huge brain.

If you are super uncomfortable, start small. Find a small slightly occupied place and latch your son on. Bring something to read or do.

As long as your boobies are out for the world to see, I can't really imagine anyone saying anything to you.

Be proud! You are giving your son the very best chance!

Answer 9

I felt like that for a couple days.. but I did get over it. Especially at doctor's offices.. you have to remember that you don't have anything they haven't seen before. Everyone looks terrible right after their baby is born. No one cares that you're nursing, and if they do, so what. You'll probably never see most of those people again. You have to do what's best for your baby, and breastfeeding is the right thing to do. Don't be ashamed of something that is completely natural. You're doing what your body was made to do. If someone doesn't like it, they can walk away. As far as everyone using the bottle.. not everyone uses a bottle. I never did. Most of my friends did, but so what? Most of my friends don't have their noses pierced but I do. Most people don't have tattoos, or four kids, or two dogs.. etc. You can't live your life based on what the majority of people seem to be doing. You can only make decisions for yourself. Make medical decisions based on scientific facts, and fashion decisions based on trends :)

Answer 10

for starters... I'm glad that through your own issues you're still pumping and know that breastmilk is incredibly better than formula and are concerned enough to be asking questions.

to answer:

1. Your body does NOT look terrible... you look like a woman w/ a baby, be proud of how amazing your body is... your husband spent one fun minute creating her - YOU did all the work for months.

Breasts are not supposed to look like they do in the media. http://www.007b.com/ just like your hair or face doesn't look like anyone else's... nor should your breasts or any other part of your body... you are YOU, not some airbrushed, soft camera lens snapshot of another person (who is also unique by the way)

AND this is what your breasts are for!! We're mammals, it's just what we're supposed to do.

2. Yes they would. So what??? you're feeding your baby under there, not your husband/boyfriend/partner!! the Law protects you, the wording varies by state, but you are allowed to nurse your baby whenever she needs to. I personally felt that certain items of clothing worked better to conceal what I was doing... a blanket - especially a baby one is sort of announcing what you're doing... a good nursing shirt, or even a button down shirt or cardigan that you can wear a nursing tshirt or camisol under is better at concealing what you're doing.

You might be surprised as I was, that after a while, I just didn't care... especially when I started hearing people's negative stories or comments... I wanted it to be known what I was doing. I wanted to hide my chubby roll popping out from under my shirt, and make sure I wasn't sitting topless at the mall... BUT I also wanted people to know what I was doing!

3. Most people using bottles have filled them with a fake, chemichal laden, cow or soy milk formulation that is supposed to resemble breastmilk - but will never come close (similac actually is short for "similar to lactation") Nor will they or their children experience the unique physical/emotional connection that breastfeeding mothers and babies have... plus you're creating 3 times the work for yourself by pumping, feeding, and cleaning. When you nurse you're just feeding.

If pumped bottles in public are the only way for you, then fine... but really - really try to nurse at home... you and your baby are missing out on a big part of breastfeeding.