My husbands ex is always butting into his life. She won't let go of him and she is jealous of what we have.

Question

She had an affair that cost her their marriage. My husband still lets her call him and email him only at work. She tries to break us up, has caused problems with his family using me as a pawn and uses the children to manipulate situations, like turning them against their father if she doesn't get her way. They have been so brain washed against me that I fear a healthy relationship with them is years away...I am patient though with them. My question is, I have begged my husband to stop the contact only at work with her because she causes problems for us when this happens...he gets very angry at me for bringing this up and tells me that I want him to loose his children...I just want the manipulation to stop and it won't unless he changes something. I didn't know it was going to be like this when I married him....I am constantly being the brunt of situations when I haven't done a thing but just be alive..what can I do to get him to realize how bad this is?

Answer 1

I could not live with a man that lives in the shadow of his ex!
Tell him that you are his wife now and unless he has more
consideration then you will leave!
You do not get married and take on your partners baggage
to be treated the way you are being treated. Yes, it will be hard for the children, but unless your husband is more open with you and defends you, then I can't see you having a very happy marriage. Have you got to wait until your children leave home? There will always be a connection with this woman because of the kids. But unless he really has to talk to her, he should save it until he is at home with you, over the phone so that you are 'in' on their conversation, and not leaving them to carry on this private communication. Because god knows, I know what that can lead to. Put your foot down girl! And tell his wife to back off!! I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I just know how I would feel if I were standing in your shoes. Good Luck!! Minxy.

Answer 2

Write down every situation that pops up. Everything. What was said. Who called and who did what. Arguements that happened and why they happened. You need to faithfully write it all down. Do it for however long it takes to get a nice big file on this situation and then show him. Seeing all the things at once has a way of teaching you more than arguing each time.

Ever heard the saying that you can throw a frog in to boiling hot water and he jumps out. But if you turn the heat up a little at a time then he'll be cooked alive. You have to realize that he isn't seeing the over all picture. He is focus only on the now and doesn't see how this is gradually hurting the relationship with you. But next thing you know you will have had enough and he will be wondering how it came to pass that you both are divorcing.

Answer 3

A mans heart softens towards the woman who is kind and gentle. There is a reason why your husband gets angry at you for constantly trying to get him to be against his ex wife. I know she is causing problems, but the only problems she can cause are the ones you let her. Once she sees that her manipulations do not work then she will eventually stop. In the mean time, your poor husband is in the middle of two women who are trying hard to pull him every which way. Go to your husband and tell him how you understand his stress of having to deal with his ex wife and then ask him what you can do to be more supportive. You say you did not know what you were getting into when you first married him, but now you do. It is now you need to decide how you will deal with this. You either act graciously with dignity and let her ramp and rage as she pleases. Children will see soon enough the clear picture as time goes on. Make it as peaceful for your husband as possible. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

wow! i have gone through the same thing... but to be honest, your husband probably can't get away from his ex himself. he obviously have some emotional connection to his ex because if he had no care, he would tell her to stop calling - PERIOD. Maybe you do need to tell your husband that this will affect ya'lls marriage as 1) she's manipulative 2) your husband is in a way going behind your back, while he's at work, to communicate with her 3) what needs to be communicated so often? other than, 'ok i'm picking up the kids on saturday, i'll call 1 hr before i pick them up...something to that effect... I just seems a little squirmy to me.

my gf and her ex , they have a son, don't communicate but once a week - even at that... we have primary custody of her son so really nothing needs to be communicated other than major issues/emergencies, but even that we can handle it on our own... The ONLY thing that a call should be made is pick up and drop offs... In my opinion. Other than that - I would worry.

Answer 5

Tell your husband that he has to talk to his ex and for him to start sticking up for you. Tell him the last thing you want is for him to lose his kids but you would like for the ex to be out of the picture all together. That there is no reaosn they have to communicate unless it has to do with the children. That all she does is get on your nerves and make's him act like a complete a ss.

Tell him if he doesn't step up to the plate and fix this that you do not know how this marriage is going to continue.

Time to sit down and talk seriously about this if he can't then tell him he will have another alimony payment if this is how he wants to deal with this problem by walking away.

Personally I can see why this guy is divorced.

Answer 6

He's got his EX manipulating HIM as well... she dangles his kids in front of him like a carrot to a horse... probably always telling HIM that if he doesn't do thus and such that SHE will stop letting the kids see him... She sounds very much like a control freak and unfortunately as long as your HUSBAND is willing to play into her hands... SHE WON'T STOP.... your husband needs to find his BACKBONE and stand up to his EX... no COURT would let her take the kids away from HIM as long as he has been a GOOD FATHER... His EX is playing him for a fool and taking YOUR MARRIAGE with her... I have NO DOUBT that the ex knows ALL TO WELL that you are upset over the situation and she is LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT....because HE HAS ALL THE POWER!!!! Trust me, if your husband does NOT find his backbone and stand up to this woman, YOU and your husband face YEARS and YEARS of this same thing.. the ex will NOT quit... not until YOU are totally out of the picture.. which is EXACTLY what she is hoping to DO with this little manipulation game of hers... Show this to your HUSBAND if you want... MAYBE it will open his eyes. This is the EXACT SAME GAME my brother's EX has been playing on HIM for YEARS!!!!

Answer 7

The situation, as it is............is NOT working. YOur husband is totally at the demand of his ex, as he fears losing his children. Is the custody partly your husbands? If so, he should have time to be with his children and to gain their love and respect. If he has no custody rights, he is really in a fix. It probably seems to you that he is still married to his ex........with her constantly making problems, and with him doing what she wants him to do. Get the custody figured out so that he has custody, without her around, at certain times. If he has that done through the Court, he wouldn't need to worry about what she does or says. Then, it would be logical that he would not need to be in contact with his ex, except about when the
children were brought over. It's time for the custody to be clearly done by the Court, and for your husband to stop having contact, except for child pick up times, with his manipulative ex. Don't play her game. Let the Court make the rules, and then, consider those rules to allow your husband and yourself to have proper time with the children.......regardless of what the ex wants.

Answer 8

this is between her and your husband and he needs to stand up as a man,as a husband and tell her to stop trying to cause problems in his marriage if she keep threating to use the kids against him then if he really cares he needs to get a lawyer and get legal advice on how to handle the situation ..but he should know that if he's a good father and does what he can for them then she CAN NOT keep the kids from him just because he's not doing what she wants him to do...your husband REALLY needs to do something because it is unfit of her as a mother to be putting negative things in there head about there own father they will only grow up to find out the truth and probably hate her for lying.If he is not unwilling to stand up for you HIS WIFE then something is wrong becuase u havent done anything to hurt those kids and they need to be a part of your life just as much as his..

Answer 9

Your husband is allowing his ex to disrupt your marriage by allowing her to email him at work. Why at work and not at home where you are there to see what's going on? Is he provoking her to insanity? It takes two to tango and he doesn't seem to mind the fact that two women are haggling over him. Tell him to grow up and don't allow her to use the children as pawn over your marriage because you are being disrespected and neglected. Tell him if the shoe was on the other foot, how would he feel?

Answer 10

You knew very well and maybe you were the cause of his divorce.Anyway I'm sorry for what is happening to you.Your man is bored with you,why can't you do the same thing that made him to be attracted to you.Use the same medicine that you used before.
Those are his children and mind you he is giving her some money without your knowledge.
What goes around comes around.
Too bad for you girl