she thinks i am cheating, but i'm not...?

Question

how do i convince her? if I push too hard, she gets suspicious. if i ignore, she is also suspicious. is this a lose/lose situation?

Answer 1

nope its not a lose lose situation. I think that you should dedicate at least more time then you would usually to show her that you aren't receiving those unknown text messages or phone calls. Or whatever she thinks. Don't worry the truth will come out sooner or later. Just give her time she is probably just feeling insecure. All you need to do is change it up.. do something for her that will make her feel special.

Answer 2

You convince her by not cheating. How can she catch you doing anything wrong if you're not? This is her self esteem problem more than anything. Talk to her about it and discuss ways to help her work through it. Ask her exactly what she wants from you. Tell her you will do whatever it is for a trial period until she learns how to let go and trust you. Talk about her past relationships or what she witnessed with her parents. Most women like this have some experience with a cheater and have a hard time trusting in general. Explain to her that trust is only her ability to handle what you might do to her. Ask her what she would do if you DID cheat?? Once she has a plan in place, let her know that by all means, if it ever happens you wont stop her plans. Explain how her not trusting you is going to sabotage the relationship. Ask her if that's what she wants. Hope this helps. Good luck :)

Answer 3

Yes, it is lose/lose. Sad to say, that many times when one partner is overly suspicious that the other is cheating it means this person is the one doing the cheating, and it's a guilty conscious speaking. Why? Because cheating is on their mind because that's what they've been up to. They know what they're doing to cover up their tracks, so they are constantly looking for suspicious behavior. So maybe she's cheating on you.

Then again, maybe she's not cheating but instead is just very insecure. You cannot prove to her that you are not cheating. If you keep trying, you are only catering to her inappropriate behavior. Yes, I said inappropriate. It is very wrong for one partner to constantly be accusing the other of cheating. They need to quickly provide proof, leave without proof, or let it go. You cannot maintain a healthy relationship while in a constant state of mistrust.

So if it's her insecurities, it is something she needs to work on. You do not need to go out of your way to prove yourself to her all the time. By doing this, you would only be showing her that it is acceptable to accuse you again because you have created a pattern of proving yourself over and over. Talk to a marriage counselor. Find out some simple things you can do to avoid looking suspicious. Once you follow those steps, the responsibility will then be hers to control her jealousy. She will have to learn to trust you if she intends to be in a committed relationship. If she cannot handle it, then she needs to go back to being single until she can grow up.

Answer 4

I believe you may have given her a reason not to trust you in the past. Yes she may be insecure but she probably has a reason. And it does NOT mean she is cheating on you... geez people. Maybe she has been cheated on before and just needs you to be patient with her and reassure her that you are being good. Be open and honest with her about everything and show her you have nothing to hide. Over a short time she will learn to trust you and will show you. Just give her time and don't act stupid about it. Jealousy is a hard emotion to understand...it is probably all in her head but that does not make it impossible to change. She needs your support. Instead of looking at it as a LOSE/LOSE think of it as an opportunity to help her on the inside see that not all men are bad and that you love her. I have been through this myself and it does get better but it takes both of you to make it that way.

Answer 5

Was there a situation that caused her to not trust you? If not, then it could be a few different things. Sorry to say it but you can never ignore that old saying " when you point the finger you've got 3 pointing back" alot of people who cheat become paranoid about their partners and attack them. It comes from feeling guilty and that thought of "if I'm doing it so could he".
Also she could suffer extremely low sense of selfworth and doesn't believe your interested in her, there-go, you must be cheating with someone so much prettier then her etc.. Trust me, there isn't much you can do. They tend to be overly needy and often depressed.
Also there are the ones that have old wounds from past relationships. They are are a little work but can be worth it. Yes you are going to spend sometime convincing them, over and over, but if your not doing anything and willing to prove it by not hiding it and you really shouldn't lie, they'll catch you and never forget. But they are very loyal, faithful and honest.

Answer 6

I generally agree with the ladies' opinions here.
Best you can do is keep things squeaky clean; not even the appearance of impropriety.
After that, talk to her about it as calmly as you can. Trust is purely a choice on her part. An informed choice, certainly, but still a choice.
Level with her that the tension and suspicion are not okay with you, and that it's up to her to figure out whether she's going to believe you or not. If she's not then you've got some soul searching to do...

Answer 7

She sounds insecure. Maybe spend more time with her? If it is real bad you might just need to get out. This type of behavior can have a negative impact on your self esteem. Also, it has been said, that the accuser sometimes has a guilty conscience and is projecting. She may be the one cheating. Ever thought of that?

Answer 8

It appears she does not trust you if this is the case then you may be sh it out of luck. really thoughg as the saying goes actions speak louder then words. So if you can think of the reason she would come to this conclusion then maybe erase it from your routine and that will dismiss the problem. After work just come home no beers with your work colleagues or anything like that just start spending more time with her. It is time to rebuild trust and the only way that is done is with time and devotion to her.

Answer 9

Dude at this point there is nothing you can do for her, she seems to have her own internal; issues she needs to deal with just be an open book to her and continually assure her, if this doesn't change then i am sorry to break it to you, you might have to move on. I have being int hat kind of situation before,i was 100% but no matter what i did he did not trust me, i realized that he had his own issues he needed to deal with internally it wasn't about me,There can be no perfect relationship without love and trust.cheers

Answer 10

You might want to point out to her that she is insulting you every time she brings this up. What kind of person does she think you are anyway? She may just be doing this to keep your attention on her and begging her to believe you love her. Boring. Tell her you need to have someone in your life who believes in you and knows to her core that you are not a cheater.

Good luck.