We have been dating for almost two years now. In the begining we were planning a wedding then his family told him he was too young to be getting married. At first he ignored them then all of sudden he called it off. Since then I have gotten excuses from him saying "we don't have enough money", "we fight too much", "You don't trust me enough", & "were too young" (he is 21 & I am 22). So I started working on my trust problems, I saved up money, & we don't fight anymore. Everything has been great in our reationship for a while now. He says he loves me, I am the women of his dreams, his one and only, he wants to marry me, and he wants to have children with me. But I asked him last night if he was thinking about marriage yet and he still says he is just not ready. I don't understand if he wants me & doesn't want to lose me then why isn't he ready. I am graduating college and starting my life I am ready so I told him I was going to leave if he didn't hurry up and get ready, already!
2007-11-15 04:56:02 · 46 answers · asked by jenn_lynn9876 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the ones that tell me to wait. I have been waiting for a year now. How long am I expected to wait? When we were planning a wedding before it was in the very beginning of our relationship (like 4 months) and I now know that was way too early and we didn't know each other enough, but now we know about each other. For the people that said talk to him not us. I did talk to him all he says is He's not ready. He won't say anything else when I bring up the subject. And I don't really feel like "I am not ready" is an answer especially if he claims everything is perfect and right. For the one that said move in together first, we already took that step. We have a year lease with him that 6 months left on it. We also got matching dogs together to get us ready for children. For the people that were not sensitive to the situation & took his side like a macho guy SCREW YOU! For everyone else’s sensitive nice answers, Thank-you! I think I will try to give him some space & maybe start dating again
2007-11-15 05:55:16 · update #1
He might just not be ready...it's not something you can rush him in...and you're both VERY young.
Don't rush things
2007-11-15 04:58:54 · answer #1 · answered by John 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
If you have your man and a committed relationship, why the absolute need for marriage? At 21 and 22 you have nothing but time. If he wanted to have a kid and you did not, then pushed or thought of leaving you, then wouldn't you say it is something you both need to agree on? If the two of you are happy being together and plan to always be together then it will happen. I can almost guarantee that being reminded of your question of marriage on a regular basis will eventually push him away if he needs time. Now don't get me wrong either, you are not wrong for knowing what you want and going for it.
The problem is that you and he are not communicating well on the issue. This really needs a good heart to heart with the utmost honesty about what you both see happening. Somewhere in the middle is a solution that is workable for you both and the keys are to find it and both be willing to give a little to get there.
This really should not come to you saying marry me or else any more than expecting you to wait without a plan. Work towards common ground and remember you have already done the hard part (finding a great guy to be with). Best of luck to you both.
2007-11-15 05:14:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUR TOO YOUNG JUST BECUASE YOU MAY BE READY IT DOES NOT MEAN HE IS. YOU SHOULD NEVER RUSH INTO MARRIAGE YOU SHOULD BOTH WANT IT IF HE IS UNSURE THEN IT WILL NOT LAST.
If he is giving you all these excuses then he has just cause not to get married right now. Why marry someone that you fight with all the time, feels like they don't trust you, and not finacially capable. Really marriage is suppose to be a lifetime bond it is not just the ring and the ceremony and reception. Once those are over you are to be with that person for the rest of your life your BF is using his brain and even though your a year older he is been the wise one in this situation why can't you date for another three or four years that would make you 25-26 and you probably be settled in your career and he will have a good job. Who knows maybe you will learn to trust him and curb all this fighting. Really statistically the younger you marry the shorter the marriage.
Take your time if you really want this guy for the rest of your life whats waiting another 3-4yrs.
May God Bless You and your relationship.
2007-11-15 05:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you just want to get married.... Honestly if you love this guy you will listen to him when he says "I am not ready!" I've been with my guy for 8+ years and we are young too. I'm 25!, he's 28. I've been with him since I was 17 and he was 20. We've been engaged for almost 5 years. When he proposed I was so excited and started planning, then noticed he was nervous. He said he wasn't ready and I understand. I'm STILL waiting for him and I nag him all the time, but I know he's not ready. We dont want kids so its not a rush and we own a house together and do finances together and everything. We are basically commonlaw. I still want to get married but I can wait. As long as I have him then that's what matters.
You threatening him may be scaring him. He may be thinking what I'm thinking "you just want to get married. You dont care to whom." Maybe you are planning on having a big wedding that scares him... Ask him what will make him ready and go from there.
Really, what IS the rush? So many marriages are rushed and look how many end in divorce!
2007-11-15 05:01:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
you don't really want top give a person a ultimatum, when it comes to marriage, because it usually perhaps pressures the person into marriage when they are not ready and then down the line you end up breaking up, or it drives them away, be patient if its meant to be it shall be, perhaps he needs time to realize that al he is saying is true, also maybe he is scared, what ever the reason time is a bigger friend than you think, because you want to does not mean he does at the moment, that is a big reason why the divorce rate is so high, to much rushing into marriage, give it time, who knows maybe he is not the person you want to marry when being together with him for a while.
I usually say if you truly want to know if you should marry a person or not, live together with that person for at least 2 years, by then all the fronts and facades are down and you know, really know the person, as Gross or weird as this sounds, let me ask you this,
can you fart around him and not feel totally embarrassed, if you can then that's a good sign.
think about that,
well that's How I see it anyway, and now i am going to get down off of my soap box and end my speech there, lol
good luck
P.S. Give him time.
2007-11-15 05:21:47 · answer #5 · answered by The 808 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you loved him you would wait for him to come to terms with the whole issue of marriage. I married 3 times and I'm 24 yrs old.,, That's BAD!. The 3rd time was a charm. All the others were rushed by me. Do not rush someone to marry you, because then in the end your going to feel like you only forced them to marry you and it wasn't out of love and their own decision. Don't base relationship just around your wants. The #1 thing about a relationship is 'COMPROMISE'
2007-11-15 05:07:33 · answer #6 · answered by Cocos mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush! Relax and enjoy your relationship. Wait YEARS before making big decisions like getting married or having kids. You have plenty of time. Of course now you think you'll be together forever, but that may not be true. I am 32. I got married at 19 and had 3 kids before I was 24. It was all great, until he left me for someone else. I was ready for marriage and apparently he wasn't. So at 29 I got remarried and life is better than I could ever have imagined. No one can predict the future, just be careful.
2007-11-15 05:03:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're still in college, only 22, and haven't even been with him for two years. What's the rush? He's not ready, so why would you want to push him into doing something he's not ready to do? Just calm down. If it had been 5 years and he still hadn't proposed, then I might consider giving him a little push, but right now, you've got nothing but time.
2007-11-15 05:08:15 · answer #8 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe he loves you and wants to marry you but it sounds like he's got pressure from his parents not to marry and when you pressure him, it really puts a load on him to back off. Trust me. If he loves you and says he will marry you, he will do it if he really loves you. Are you afraid to lose him or he may leave you for someone else? His parents may be the financial backup for the marriage so maybe he want to be the one with dough enough for the both of you. It can be he wants to be financially secure and less pressured fm his parents. Can be issues that he doesn't want to discuss with you. Don't push him, just support him and wait. He'll come around in due time.
2007-11-15 05:11:27 · answer #9 · answered by GI Jane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you live with him? I cannot tell you how many women make the mistake of living with their boyfriends and then end up in a fight about whether or not to get married. Honestly, though, he may be too young to get married now. It's up to you. Which do you want more, him or the wedding ring? If you're willing to wait a while, fine. If you're not, then cut the ties now.
2007-11-15 05:07:31 · answer #10 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similiar situation. We almost broke up because he did not want to get married and I did. If he's not ready don't rush him. Enjoy your relationship, live your life. When he is ready he will propose.
Marriage is a very serious commitment and should never be rushed into. Take your time and enjoy your life. A wise man once told me "Marriage ain't for punks," and he was right!
2007-11-15 05:07:01 · answer #11 · answered by thesees 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋