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I was on birth control when I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago and the father totally freaked out and said he doesn't want anything to do with the baby once it's born. We currently live together and our lease is up the same month that my baby is due. He told me he would move out at that time if I decided to have the baby and would only be financially responsible. He prefers that I get an abortion, but I told him I wouldn't do that. I was pregnant 3 years ago (same boyfriend), which ended in abortion (i would never do it again-worse experience of my life). The only reason why I did it the first time was because i was young and irresponsible. It seems now that there is a white elephant in the room now...How am I supposed to pretend like everything is okay when it's really not...knowing that in 7 1/2 months, he will leave me and the baby? The funny thing is that he says he still loves ME and wants to be with ME. How could he want to be with me and not our child?

2007-11-15 04:51:29 · 40 answers · asked by cap_grl 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnancy

BTW-he's 30!!!! Lol... He offered to go to the Dr's appts., so that's where I'm hoping he'll warm up to it. Thanks for all the support. I REFUSE TO ABORT THIS BABY!!!

2007-11-15 06:20:02 · update #1

40 answers

You are describing the very reason that living together is a bad idea. He wan'ts all the benefits of a warm body next to him, but none of the responsibilties.

Move back in with your parents, if you can (you may have to eat some crow, first).

And God bless you for not taking the easy way out. I wish a lot of women would learn from your experience. A lot of women regret having an abortion, and they regret it for the rest of their lives.

2007-11-15 05:08:52 · answer #1 · answered by Rick K 6 · 1 1

I don't understand how anyone could be like that! Well all I can say is Kudos to you for standing your ground and not getting an abortion like he wants.. what an awful thing! Ya know though, if he wants nothing to do with the baby once it gets here you may as well end it now... and you will be so much better off. You will get to have this baby and you will be able to give him/her all your love and that's all that matters! I know it is a less than ideal situation and it is too bad he is not man enough to step up and accept responsiblity, but this is SO not the type of person you want to be with anyway. And if he really did love you there wouldn't even be a question here.. he would know what he was supposed to do, be there for you, be there for his child, because that's what true caring, loving, men do! I would move on from this guy, take time to get yourself to a place in your life where you can be the best mother to this child you can possibly be!! Good luck, and take care! =}

2007-11-15 05:45:09 · answer #2 · answered by Official Bethy 4 · 0 0

If he leaves you after everthing that you have been through you are better without him anyway and the baby.If he is irresponsible enough to do this you should let him go but tell him you want him to go now and he should find somewhere else to live because you shouldn't let him use you up until then.
I know how you feel i was in a very similar position around a year ago and have picked things up since then, things will be better whether he stays with you or not.And once you have the baby you will never love anything as much as that child not even him(even if you dont feel like that now)just make sure he pays for the baby once its born because he cant run away from that like he has done the child!Good luck

2007-11-15 05:17:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'm really sorry that the father can't seem to step up to his responsibilities. I know how you feel...nothing's okay. You're having a baby and the father is telling you that he wants nothing to do with it. It's not okay. He's trying to make you feel guilty by telling you he loves you but that he'll have to end it if you keep the child. I gave birth to my first baby two weeks ago and I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant that the father would have nothing to do with the baby. It's not been the easiest thing to go through, but motherhood isn't, father or no father around. However, it's already been so rewarding and I wouldn't give my baby up for the world. Have you got friends and family who could help you out if he's not going to stick around? I have an amazing support network which has got me through. And I know it doesn't seem it now, but you're probably better off without the father. He sounds like he's still a bit of a child himself and you don't need two to look after. Good luck and hugs

2007-11-15 05:17:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Wow! Hon, that's a bad situation.... But no matter what your "feeling" the fact of the matter is that if he doesn't love you enough to stay and take responsibility for this child, then he doesn't REALLY love you in the first place. I BEG YOU though, PLEASE don't have an abortion! There are SOOOO many people out there that WANT a child and can't have one.... please! don't abort!
If you decide to keep the baby and raise it yourself without him, then you really need to call it quits now instead of staying as a couple for the next 7 1/2 months. Either you or he needs to move out right away. If you know that the relationship is going to be over then why sit and stare at the white elephant? Acknowledge that its there and get rid of it. One of two things should happen at that point. Either he'll tell you he wants ya'll to stay together and make this work, or one of you will leave and you will both move on. Either way, this child doesn't need to be exposed to dislike, hate, unwant, or any of those types of feelings, even in utero. And you don't need to be subjected to those vibes either while trying to carry and protect an unborn child. I don't understand why some men are like that! It infuriates me.... I mean, please, it takes two to tango. If he's gonna use it.... there's ALWAYS a chance. He needs to grow up and accept that. And why would he accept financial responsiblitiy without any emotional attachment? It's not like it's a puppy your bringing home, it's his flesh and blood for goodness sake! Please think about all of these things carefully before making any decision. And if possible, maybe you should go away for a day or so to think. Stay with friends, or family, or something.... parents, if that is possible, would always be my suggestion. But PLEASE make a decision based upon what's best for the child!

Good luck with all and may God bless you!

2007-11-15 05:13:05 · answer #5 · answered by hotmamaof3_1 4 · 0 0

First I want to say how sorry I am, that he is being such a jerk. I am a single mom and when I told the father I was going to have a baby he left and I never heard from him again. This is a guy I knew for 12 years!
It isn't easy being a single mom but I wouldn't change it for the world. You need to be strong and walk away from this man now. He will only be negative the whole time you are pregnant and you don't need that.
Do you have family you can go stay with?
I promise if he is this way now he won't change. When you start showing he will be even more upset.
You need to be strong and know you can do this!

2007-11-15 05:27:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I wouldn't let him be the deciding factor of my baby's life. My husband was the same way he didn't want any more kids he has two from previous relations. Told me he hated kids and all kinds of mean and hateful stuff. Well I told him I want another one I have one from a previous relationship. and that if he didn't want any he was to be resposible for preventing it so in November last year I stopped getting my depo shot and was pregnant by May. At first I thought it was going to be a total problem I was ready to have to move out and everything. Well let me just say he's now more excited about the baby than I am he can't wait for him to get here, he talks to him nightly. It's so cute. So maybe your boyfriend will come around if not you'll be ok you don't need someone like that in your life anyways. If he loved you like he says he would want to share this new life with you.

2007-11-15 05:08:00 · answer #7 · answered by Desiree 3 · 0 0

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. What a jerk!

Everything is not okay. As hard as it is to come to grips with, this relationship is over. Don't get pressured into an abortion, follow through with the pregnancy if that is what you feel is right.

If I were in your position, I would break things off as soon as you can, start exploring other places to live and try to move on. Staying with him until the baby is born will not work out well. Chances are, the more time passes, the more bitter and angry you'll get......why surround yourself in that environment when you're pregnant?

Good luck hun!!!!!!!!

2007-11-15 05:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me 6 · 1 0

Maybe you should consider having the child and giving it up for adoption. You would make some childless couple very happy, I'm sure. The baby would benefit by being raised in a loving, two-parent home. Seeing as how you learned the hard way that abortion is not as easy to go through as some people make it out to be, you would really be making up for it and benefitting your baby by giving it up for adoption. Then dump that loser of a boyfriend, try to learn from your mistakes and move on with your life. Good luck. My prayers are with you.

2007-11-15 05:03:31 · answer #9 · answered by Wayne G 5 · 0 0

I am sorry for you and this baby. But I agree that you should not have another abortion just to appease him.

If he wants to leave, let him go. Trying to hold him back will make things worse. He at least will support the baby financially. And who know, he may come around once the baby is here but I would not hold on that that hope to hard.

If he truly loves you, he will love the bay too. Right now he is behaving like a little kid who is afraid he is going to loose attention.

Do the right thing. Have the baby. It is time he grows up.

2007-11-15 04:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by Annie 4 · 1 1

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