what does this poem need?

Question

For love has given for love has been taken my love has broken me in two the one that hopes my love will come back to me but part of me is bitter. Bitterness fells so good but how long can it last without the end. The end needs to come to come quickly life should have ended a long time a go when she broke me why couldn’t the blade have cut deeper why am I still here would a bullet have finished the job. I have found the end but?

Answer 1

Proper phrasing. It's difficult to read when it's written prose-like.

Answer 2

It needs some punctuation!

For love has given, for love has been taken. My love has
broken me in two-- the one that hopes my love will come
back to me, but part of me is bitter. Bitterness fells so
good, but how long can it last without the end? The end
needs to come, to come quickly. Life should have ended
a long time ago. When she broke me, why couldn’t the
blade have cut deeper? Why am I still here? Would a bullet
have finished the job? I have found the end, but--?

The words after the dash could also stand being revised to create better parallel structure: instead of "the part that," why not say "one part"?

Then, it needs to look like a poem instead of a paragraph. You should decide where you want to break into small groups of lines, something like this:

For love has given, for love has been taken. My love has
broken me in two--one part hopes my love will come back
to me, but part of me is bitter.

Bitterness feels so good, but how long can it last without
the end? The end needs to come, to come quickly. Life
should have ended a long time ago.

When she broke me, why couldn’t the blade have cut
deeper? Why am I still here? Would a bullet have finished
the job? I have found the end, but--?

Finally, to make it truly poetry, you need to add some more imagery and maybe some more figurative language. It would also help to change the mixed metaphor in the first sentence of the third part, since one doesn't ususally use a blade to break something.

Good luck with your revisions!

Answer 3

It needs some structure. It takes time and effort to arrange the words so that they allow the poem to flow from one line to the next in a seemingly effortless way.
The last sentence is slightly off too. If the thought is, as I assume, open and lingering, leave off the punctuation. The punctuation in the rest of the poem could use a little work too. You have nice emotion & honesty, good foundation for any poem.