I had to end a five-year friendship last year. She was my maid of honor in my wedding and a very good friend, but she was just too critical of me before, during, and after the wedding. At one point, she called me a "know it all ninth grader" (probably the cruelest comment). I decided the friendship just wasn't working, but sometimes I feel guilty for not trying to make up. I haven't spoken to her in over a year.
What do you think? Are some friendships better off ended, or is every conflict resolvable? Should I feel guilty for cutting off such a close friend?
2007-11-15 04:37:42 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Just to clarify -- it wasn't THAT comment that made me end the friendship. That one happened very early on, and I was not angry about it at the time, more concerned that I hurt her feelings. The critical comments just kept coming, and coming... every time we'd get together. I tried talking to her about it, and she'd apologize profusely, then do it again.
2007-11-15 04:45:59 · update #1
Yes I have and with a very similar reason to yours. You did the right thing. I admire you because it is not easy.
Your friend has a big problem and she seems to be taking it out on you. She will never allow you to shine on your own and she feels she should be the star and you her flunky or admirer.
The fact that you made her your maid of honor was such a beautiful and meaningful thing. She was crirtical of you during this time? Hmmm. You were right to end it because it seems the only one who treasured the friendship was you.
It may sound cliche but you are better off without her and it really is her loss that she lost someone as valuable as you who treated her like a special person. Staying with her would have made you miserable, unhappy and negative. She would tear you down till there was nothing left.
The friendship was more than not working--- It was a head on collision with the great wall of china. Sure death!
2007-11-15 04:45:26 · answer #1 · answered by lipvixen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have made the choice, and it is your life. Sometimes friendships end for no apparent reason, other times it is due to many reasons. I ended one friendship after the friend got hooked into drugs. I still keep an eye on them from time to time, but hanging out and other things are long gone. So in answer to your last questions, I think you made your decision... some friendships are better off ended.... not every conflict is resolvable, but an attempt does need to be made.... and you will feel guilt of some sort and that shows that you were a good friend.
2007-11-15 04:45:36 · answer #2 · answered by Unforgiven Shadow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, friendships tend to waiver through the years. We tend to forget that we are constantly changing and our friends are too. Sometimes, it is better not to end the relationship but to put different boundaries on it. What may have been the best friend for you 5 years ago may not be what you need now. You have grown and changed, maybe she hasn't or sees things changing and is uncomfortable and lashing out. Friends have to be honest with each other because that is what they are for, otherwise what would be the point. If you cannot talk with her about your feelings or the relationship then maybe it is for the best it is ended. Don't feel bad! As women we love our friends and it is hard to lose them, almost as bad as losing a boyfriend. That secure feeling of knowing that person is there for you and you for them is a big deal in our eyes. But, if she has not called you for a year and you feel this way then something needs to be resolved. You will sleep better if maybe you tell her how you feel. At least if she doesn't understand or care, you will have peace of mind knowing you did what you could.
2007-11-15 04:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by ladyrenegade81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty. Unless you wanted to spend the rest of your life being belittled by this "so called friend" who will throw hurtful remarks at you whenever she is feeling in the mood.
I had a college friend of 12 years that I tolerated and finally I couldn't take her anymore. She was demanding, took more from the relationship then she gave, selfish and boring. That was 6 years ago and I have not regretted a moments loss of her. Some friendship are better off ended - forever. You sound like a decent and caring friend, find someone who is just as decent and caring as you are and you'll understand what true friendship is all about.
Best of Luck!
2007-11-15 04:46:02 · answer #4 · answered by slave2art 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I ended a 15 year friendship right after high school after finding out that she had a problem with spreading rumors about her close friends. Took 15 years for me to find out that she was that kind of a person. It's taken us 5 years since to get to the point where we are actually talking again. She finally appologized and we are working on building our friendship back to what it was.
Usually it's not an actual ending of a friendship but rather just that they fade away. Calls stop coming so often, or you're just too busy and soon enough the friendship slips from your grasp and you see eachother every couple months over a morning coffee. I try to keep in contact with my closest friends at least once a week just to keep a connection there. Sometimes it's not so easy.
2007-11-15 04:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by Meggie Smalls 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are some friendships better off ended, or is every conflict resolvable?
I think every conflict is resolvable but in this case I think you were right to end this friendship. A friend is someone who can support you through everything and who is willing to take your feelings into consideration. She seemed quite selfish, it seems as if she used you as a door mat in order to make her self feel better.
Should I feel guilty for cutting off such a close friend?
No, I think you were just cutting the negativity out of your life. Nobody wants negative people around them because all they do is bring you down to their negative level.
2007-11-15 04:47:23 · answer #6 · answered by leshundra_hobson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been were you are. I too ended a friendship with a friend that I had had for MANY years. She was critical, self absorbed, and I ofter baby sat her while she was drunk out of her- so she wouldnt have hurt herself.
To this day she doesnt get why we are not friends. To me when she does get it then I think we will have a shot at being friends again..
Dont feel quilty...and no some conflicts cant be resolved. If its an unhealthy friendship its best to let it go...you wouldnt stay with a man if he made you feel this way.
2007-11-15 04:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by Kim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendhip means respecting each other and every conflict can be resolved if there is some care for one another.
But when you get insulted by a friend then I'd say yeah you needed to call the quits. Besides ask yourself if you are missing that person in your life and decide from there if contact needs to be restored.
By the way -- friends come and go!
2007-11-15 04:46:13 · answer #8 · answered by the girl next door 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I ended a 20 year friendship with the guy who was best man at my wedding. The circumstances are long and involved, but it will suffice to say that we grew apart as friends and one day the differences were just greater than the things we had in common. We did not speak for nearly a year. Now we are cordial, but the real friendship is over. It was for the best.
2007-11-15 04:43:08 · answer #9 · answered by dhdaddy2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friends are supposed to be supportive and treat you with respect. If they don't do that then the relationship has no meaning anymore.
You did the right thing. No one needs to hear those type of comments from somene that supposely cares about you. A friendship is not measure by tthe lenght. but rather by the closesness during times of hardship, not only the good times.
Good luck
2007-11-15 04:48:44 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋