would this frustrate you and how would you feel?

Question

I love my husband, but I often time am rejected by him sexually...actually all the time. I am not kidding. We make plans to "make love" but when night fall comes ...and I remind him of it...he get s mad and flakes out on me...this has made our sex life not good at all. we have anly been married less than4 yrs and....to make love 1 x a month...or if i am lucky...it is 2x a month...if i had it my way it would be 4-6 times a week. i know that is a bit too much but...i have needs and wants and desires and they are not being met by him. i wake up in a bad mood because of his rejection.whenever we do make love i get a full nights rest afterwards and i have a warm cozy feeling inside of loving feelings...but when we do not have sex i feel frustrated and moody and grouchy...i even toss and turn in bed...and am upset so much so that i end up sleeping on the couch because i am mad at him for punishing me by telling me if i keep asking for it he will make me wait another month for it. i hate it.

Answer 1

That sucks...I'm sorry. My advice would be to lay off him for awhile. Men like to be the pursuer. Maybe he feels emasculated when you're begging him for sex all the time. Learn how to pleasure yourself and see how long it takes him to ask you to make love.

Answer 2

First of all, you should never plan to make love. It should just happen. If anything that's probably why you and your husband aren't having sex. You can't plan it out everytime because, lets face it, plans don't always work out as you'd like, no matter what they are.
Instead of planning sex, it should be spontaneous. If you're in the mood at night, nuzzle up next to him and kiss his neck. Grab his "member" and give him some foreplay. Don't wake up in the morning and say, "Okay, we're having sex tonight and Saturday night."
I'm married and even though I plan on having sex with my husband that night, by the time I get home, make dinner, do house things, sometimes I'm just too zonked out. And the same goes for him. Planning never works and makes it less enjoyable for your partner. To enjoy sex you need to let it just happen when it happens.
If you cool it with the planning and instead initiate sexual acts than I think you'll have a lot more luck. Stop being such a planner and be a spontaneous sexual woman.
Enjoy!

Answer 3

First let me say I am sorry to hear that you are having this problem. It is a painful one to go through. I speak from experience.

The reality is that your methods of relating your needs to your husband are not working. The reasons for the communication break don't really matter at this point. You can only change your behavior.

Perhaps you can take care of your own needs for a while until he is ready to participate. This will take the pressure off him. You might find he is able to respond to you more often when he doesn't feel pressured.

I suggest that you seek professional therapy before it gets any worse. Feeling constantly frustrated and rejected is not conducive to healthy communication and a happy marriage.

Answer 4

You need to find time to talk about this issue, and not when sex has been denied. It will be hard. You'll have to ask in a non-threatening way, keep your cool, don't get baited with any blame games. Perhaps some marriage counseling will help. Is the relationship good in other ways? And the self gratification and toys method will not work in the long run.

Answer 5

Sounds like he has issues. Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him this is really making you feel unattractive to him. He needs to tell you why he is not wanting to very often, is he tired, prefers a diff. time a day, is he having issues with his member. Often times there is deeper things going on when a partner is never in the mood. Sounds like it seriously may be time for some outside help. Marriage counseling, so you 2 get work this out and compromise to satisfy each other. He shouldn't use it as a bargaining chip or threaten you with it. Good luck and really listen to him if you want the same respect.

Answer 6

Wow sweetheart I am sorry, really truly I am!! If I don't get it at least once a night I'm pretty pissy too. 4-6 times a week really isn't too much. I personally see no problems with that.

One thing I can suggest is if you cant get him to give up the goods when you want it... Buy a B.O.B. . . or as some ppl say a battery operated boyfriend. He can fill in when your husband isn't feeling so giving... May even spark his interest in making love to you again if he can occasionally watch you and Bob in action.

Good luck with that dear!

Answer 7

It sounds like your husband has issues that you don't know anything about. You should really talk to him about it. A marriage can't last in a situation like that, where there are hard feelings..about anything. They need to be worked on and resolved.

Have you suggested a counselor? It sounds like he wouldn't be too keen on that idea, but it's worth a try.

I am a bit in this situation, although my husband doesn't punish me for it...he is just too busy with work and school...so our sex life gets pushed to the back burner. So, I take matters into my own hands so to speak. Take care of your own needs and make sure your husband knows this. Make him realize that you don't need him for it....sometimes men need reverse psychology. Perhaps he will get jealous and step up and fullfill his husbandly duties. It sounds kinda harsh or deceiving, but maybe it will work.

He shouldnt' "punish" you for anything. You are a grown woman...his wife...He should treat you with the respect that you deserve.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Too much pressure for him, maybe? I know that if I am feeling pressured, I totally turn off. It has actually ruined relationships. Even if I tried to psych myself up for it, as soon as it got close, I would feel completely turned off. It wasn't because of the person - it was completely me - just feeling too much pressure!

Instead of planning for it, just start putting the moves on him. If that doesn't work, then maybe you need to sit him down like on a Sunday afternoon and discuss the issue. Try not to make it seem like it is HIS problem - just approach it gently and try to get him to open up about it....

I'm sorry you are going through this!!!! Hang in there -

Answer 9

Your last sentence tells me the most....that your husband has a mean and controlling side. Personally, I wouldn't ask him for sex ever again. Make him come to you. Find ways to satisfy yourself (by yourself) when he is not around, and just read before bed. Act like its no thing to you....if he has good sense he will come around, and possibly apologize. That is if you wish to stay in this marriage, which personally I would think twice about as he sounds like a very stubborn man.
Having said all of that, you also need to examine yourself. We are only getting your side. Is there any reason at all for him to reject you? does he have a medical issue he is embarrassed to discuss that prevents him from being intimate?

Answer 10

You both need to see a counselor. I know they are expensive but sometimes just talking to eachother will not burn it into your brains. You need an outsider listening to both of your feelings to find the problem. Something is wrong. Men show their love through sex so if your husband doesn't want to have sex, something is going through his mind! It is normal for sex to slow down after a few years in a relationship, but if you are still wanting it and your husband doesn't have any performance issues, it is a mental problem.

Answer 11

Option 1: He has a much lower sex drive than you and it embarrasses and frustrates him, making him even less inclined to be amorous. Try asking him to "help you out" without intercourse (orally, manually), or ask him to let you, ummm... perform for him (masturbate in front of him). Neither of these would be threatening to his self-esteem and, hopefully, he would find them arousing enough to give you what you wanted in the first place. either way, you will be happier.
Option 2: He is a manipulating person and controlling the relationship by regulating your sex-life. Answer: get counselling.