If a husband loves his wife...?

Question

Would he spend over 3 days being angry and fighting? Wouldn't he just say to her that he loves her and wants to stop
fighting. My husband and I have 2 small children and I feel as though when we argue, he spends too much time focusing what I said or did then just ending the fight. I know it takes two,but I feel as though even though he's the one that did something to upset me, and I react, he gets all into the arguing
and being angry at each other, instead of just trying to make up. He agreed to counselling,but I'm reallly considering separtion and divorce if it doesn't work. It got to the point where fighting is much more than intimacy whch is very low. I
just feel used if we do get intimate because we usually hae another arguiment a few days later. I just feel that if a husband loves a wife he would spend more energy trying to make her happy then fighting. He gets me upset every day? He always forgets what makes me unhappy and does it again????

I personally beleive that a real man doesn't argue with his wife.If she is upset
then he should comfort and love her. That's what women mostly need is love.
But my husband doesn't understand simple things like that, he feels that if he gives in then he well get "f@#ked in the a**" Its such a idiotic way of looking at things.

I personally beleive that a real man doesn't argue with his wife.If she is upset
then he should comfort and love her. That's what women mostly need is love.
But my husband doesn't understand simple things like that, he feels that if he gives in then he well get "f@#ked in the a**" Its such a idiotic way of looking at things.

Answer 1

My partner is the same - he spends at least a couple of days being really angry. He doesn't carry on shouting at me or anything, but he is very abrubt and keeps his distance. I have tried SO many times to get him to come round, but I've realised that I have to just 'leave him be'. He has a problem with letting things go - like your husband, be will go on for days about things I've said and done (when he is just as guilty).

My tactic has changed over recent months. He knows this behaviour hurt me, and that's the reason he did it. I now refuse to be affected - his inability to 'come round' after an argument is his problem, not mine. I just act polite and friendly to him, infact as though nothing has happened. Believe me, this is very hard at first - because of course I'm hurting inside still, but one of us has to be mature and responsible and set an example. Arguments cannot and should not go on for days - like you say, it ruins intimacy. It is up to one of you to take the lead on making things up - and it sounds as if it has to be you initially.

My fiance doesn't get so angry anymore, and he is getting better at 'making up'. I think he was horrible to me because it gave him some sense of satisfaction and justification, but he can't do that now. When I'm doing all the reasoning and acting normal - well, he soon changes his ways and has no alternative but to be nice back.

Good luck with this. Don't be affected by his behaviour so much - show the upper hand and refuse to be drawn into the arguments. Just shut yourself down, hold up a hand and say 'I don't want to argue. Now would you like some coffee?' and then walk away. Set this type of example and he will soon buck his ideas up.

If he doesn't, then he's an a*s and you're probably better off without.

Good luck X

Answer 2

In the same situation, HE IS SELF ABSORBED. He cares about no one but himself. When you argue the children are affected, my husband and I are actually separated and I am in the process of looking for another place to live with my daughter and i'm 4m pregnant. I refuse to bring another child into a situation like that-when he changes that's something different. They only have one childhood do you want them to see arguing all the time and thinking that is the way a relationship is handled? Try counseling it may work, maybe he'll see what is really going on. I am in no way saying divorce him b/c I am not in favor of divorce AT ALL. What God has joined together let no man put assunder but sometimes you have to move on. God Bless.

Answer 3

Having two young children can put a huge strain on people! Especially if you two don't have the necessary social support humans need. We have been having similar problems as well. We fight every day. Some people (like me) need a lot of personal space to think. I did not even know I needed that until I had the husband, and two children. I moved into my own bedroom, and it helped dramatically! After a month I moved back in, but I still sleep alone from time to time. Feel free to IM me anytime!

Answer 4

I see what you are sayng but keep in mind that everybody is built differently.

When my husband & I argue, I instantly want to make up. I get more upset that he doesn't seem to...but it takes him longer.

I think you guys will be able to resolve a lot of this with counseling. And there is a good book you should read called His Needs, Her Needs. I know you can buy it on eBay.

Keep in mind too that getting intimate regularly may make you fight less.

Answer 5

Relationships are tough. I was diagnosed with cancer a little bit over a year ago, and my wife left me 4 days later. this was after 30+ years of marriage. Your husband desperately needs to work on his anger management issues. I am so sorry you're going through this, You've got to remember two things. first, you can't change people. However, he can learn how to manage his anger. There is a difference. second, you've got to take care of yourself and your children. he should not be the most important part of the equation. If you decide to stay with him do so cautiously and for the right reasons. God bless. Good luck.

Answer 6

I feel so sad for u! Because I have the total opposite! Im not going to go on and brag about how lovely my husband is! But my thoughts are with you on this! Yeah I think u do need to express some of this with your husband and everything u said needs to be expressed! Then really seriously think what was it that brought u two togethr! U need that spark back and if u cant get that back, then you wont get your relationship back im afraid! xxx

Answer 7

when my husband and i argue I want to just walk away and I want him to leave me alone but he wont he just follows me around and wants to talk about it, i hate that! If you and your husband argue as much as you say then you both should go to counseling with a positive mind and try you hardest to work it out. If it don't get any better then go ahead and split up while the kids are young!

Answer 8

If he hasn't the brains to realize the man never wins the argument you may be better off without him. If all he is doing is making you mad then why continue on this downward spiral. Try the counselling maybe a professionjal can open his eyes to his anger issues.

Answer 9

The definition of love in 1 Cor is not a definition of love in marriage...is it the definition by which all Christians should demonstrate love to everyone...it is the definition of Agape (or perfect) love...the love that Christ demonstrated to us when he died on the cross...but it is not the definition of marital love. Check out Proverbs 31 it might shed light on how to be a respectful wife... and to answer your other question I think wives have such a hard time respecting their husbands because they are human beings with flaws and insecurities and it is hard to demonstrate Godly, spiritual characteristics when you live in the flesh. edit:doingmybest great reference and great book!!

Answer 10

I think you need to tell your husband how close you feel to a divorce and hopefully in a nice manner you guys can discuss it and try to work it out good luck this has got to be hard on you and your children