I am in so much pain emotionally, I'm not comfortable talking to anyone...I need to escape this?

Question

i have been suffering for too long now, and I dont know what too do.
This past 2 years has been unbearable. Life is not getting better, no matter how hard I try.
I'm always alone. It's just me and my cat.
and Im tired of crying myself too sleep.

Everything began going down hill when I lost my grandma in 2005. She was like my mom, and actually made me feel loved.
I have so much regret, when i think back to the last few months before she passed away. I wish I would have made more effort too visit her or at least call her.
I think about all of this everyday.

I have tried to turn too god, but its not enough.
I feel like such a loser. I dont have a job, a diploma, absolutely no friends.. I just have nothing.
I feel so alone in the world.

I cant go out and make friends. Im a very introvert person and anyone around here, were I live is into the party/bar scene.

I cant talk to a counselor, because I am too uncomfortable opening up to anyone, let alone speaking.

SInce my grandma passed away, I have really tried to find god.
I have lost any reason to believe in him.
He has never been there for me.
Please dont, bother. I am done with religion.
but thank you anyways. : (

Everyone I encounter, rejects me one way or another.
I always feel like such a fool.
I always feel so self contentious, and I constantly worry about everything from money, to little insignificant problems.
Getting out of bed and pushing myself too get through each day, Its starting to become a struggle.
Name an anti depressant, and I assure you, I have already tried it, and it has failed.
Id rather not mask my pain with pills.

I truly believe I have nothing too live for.

I just dont know what to do : (

Answer 1

Suicide is never the answer! You need to find a support group. If you can't find one in person because you're too uncomfortable - try the internet. You're obviously not illiterate, go to the library and find some books -- read a whole new world opens up. You might even find a book club. There are options. As for not having a job or a diploma or friends, well go looking for those things. You don't have to get the best job - just a job then work up. Find out how to get a GED in your area. You can find acquaintances at these places and work into friendship. Need to get your feelings out? Get some paper and start writing or start a blog, but focus on the good things -- remember some funny stories about your grandma or some really good memories - right them down. Remember the nice things she said to you - write them down, then when you're feeling low you can take them out and read them and remember that you are a worthy person and some day, some one else is going to notice that. If someone else doesn't, well you have and that should be enough. Find a reason to smile every day. Today, mine is that the sun is shining, tomorrow it's suppose to rain. That can be what makes me smile tomorrow, because where I live it's good to have the water. Life doesn't have to be perfect, you don't have to find God, you just have to find yourself and live your life. Good luck.

Answer 2

Please don't give up.No one is a loser.You are suffering from painful loss and a feeling of remorse because you think you were not there for her before she died.Do you know that everyone feels this way after they lose someone they love? I could have done this or that so don't dwell on this.I'm sure your grandma loved you and hang onto this thought always.You did not say how old you are.Most times self confidence is dependent on the opinions of others, if you could just make an effort to find someone to listen to you. Would you trust me to tell you there is definitely someone out there who will care.Please try.

Answer 3

Okay, it's time to get off the woe is me pity pot. I am playing the smallest violin here........you need to turn your thinking around. It's not all about you honey.....your Grandmother is suffering right now watching you sink deeper into your hole of despair. What would she of wanted you to do? Go on ask yourself. Get up, go outside take a long walk, get involved in parents without partners or children without parents or whatever group there is out there. You are not alone, you want help or you wouldn't be on here asking.....Spiritually that is probably your grandmother helping you. Know this, I will be praying for you to make an effort to turn your life around and be happy.

Answer 4

I have been using feelings of shame and guilt as an excuse to avoid situations in which I might face rejection for years.

That is how incapable of dealing with rejection I am.

Maybe you have the same problem.

If so, I have found the best remedy is to volunteer. Anything that allows you to make a fool of yourself in an emotionally safe environment, where no one is expected to have particular skills.

The idea is to have at least one clearly defined goal in your life that involves teaming up with other people who share your goal and support your efforts.

Everyone worth their salt feels that they are irredeemably foolish, worthless, weak, guilty, insane and doomed. If you don't have these feelings, you're shallow. That is why it can be very difficult for smart, sensitive people like you to make social connections. They just feel too vulnerable.

We live in a media-driven, paranoid culture in which people tend to make snap judgments about each other. Don't fall into the trap of making the same judgment about yourself in order to avoid persecution. People are complex, not simple. It's what makes us people. The ones who hide their frailties and faults in order to be accepted are the ones who truly live alone.

Answer 5

MAN UP!

Answer 6

suicide is the only way