We married, we divorced, she had a lesbian affair, we married had three kids, now it seems she wants women in her life again. Is it time to take the kids and move on? I don't believe at this point she will act on her feelings, but she is clearly not interested in me in a sexual way, which of course, makes me uninterested in sex...with her. I think at this point we are reduced to friends, and maybe for the sake of happiness and peacefulness and the stability of a our children, we should perhaps move on. I fear we will start resenting each other, especially since I already feel a bit of resentment. I'm getting very tired so to speak. I do love her, but this is wearing on me, and she pretty much says, you know who I am...deal with it...I'm not dealing well.
2007-11-15 02:09:40 · 18 answers · asked by Terance 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She had the affair after we divorced, then her lover left her, so she came back to old reliable. I didn't realize her lover left her, I thought it was the other way around. It appeared she had resolved her conflict or at least wouldn't pursue that life. She has recently contacted the person whom she was with, and this of course is causing me a great amount of stress.
2007-11-16 00:44:28 · update #1
Obviously you realize this now, but your big mistake was remarrying someone you knew was a lesbian. A lot of women are torn between wanting to have families and kids and their sexual orientation. If they're at all attracted to men, it seems like the obvious choice to date, marry, and reproduce with men. The problem is that if their homosexual desires are stronger than the desire to be married to a man and have a family....it becomes an inner struggle. My mom is actually gay...she was married to my father and had my brother and me. She always thought that she could have been happy with a guy if he had treated her well....but the problem is...she's sexually attracted and feels a more emotional connection with women than she does men. Assuming that your wife is the same way...there's nothing either of you can do. She's probably miserable because she feels like she's being untrue to herself....all the while making you miserable because you sense that she doesn't want to be with you...emotionally or sexually. It happens all of the time....men decide they're gay after getting married....women do....it's something you have to deal with. The best outcome would be if you two can just come to terms with the situation and stay friends for the kids' sakes. It could still work out in that aspect so that you can both date other people, but still keep your family intact because I'm sure she loves you just as much as you love her...it's just not within her to have the romantic connection with you anymore.
2007-11-15 03:08:25 · answer #1 · answered by emadoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know I fully understand what you wrote? Did you say you married her once, got a divorce b/c you knew she was a lesbian, then remarried her and had kids?? If that's the case you shouldn't have remarried her to begin with, but you can't change the pass- so forget about what I just said. In that situation, I'm pretty sure you have every right to leave her. Stay in the same area b/c the kids still need to see their mother. Honestly, the marriage was voided the day she said "I do" b/c she knew where she stood and couldn't give you her wifely duties. There is no way she could be a wife to you! Tell her that she just needs to get out of the closet and you aren't going to be her "pretend" husband so that she can look "normal" in the public eye!!!!
2007-11-15 02:21:24 · answer #2 · answered by muzacmaster44 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-23 06:32:32 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is being very unreasonable considering she is married. It really sounds to me that she only cares about herself. Unfortunately you and your children are paying for her selfishness. We are who we choose to be, regardless. She has chosen cheap thrills over her family......sad. So you must accept who she has chosen to be and move on with your life. Life is too short to hope someone comes around. Not to mention your children need you both to be happy, not just mom. Kids are smart and pickup too quickly what is going on. They sense your unhappiness and it affects them. Kids always find a way to make a situation their fault. So if your children are old enough I think you should talk to them. Really though, I don't think you should waste anymore of your time trying to reconcile as she don't seem to care about what you think. You don't deserve to be treated like this. You need to take your sadness and resentment and use it against her. Allow it to be your strength to get away from her. I think that if you continue to try to make it work you will end up hating eachother. It's best to try to stay on decent terms with eachother for the sake of the children. The children don't need to see you both fighting over them. The children need to see you both working together without the anger and hatred. So the sooner you move on the less anger and resentment will be present. I'm sure this will be a tough step to take. But in the end it will be worth it to just be happy again. I wish you strength and happiness. Good Luck & God Bless!
2007-11-15 02:38:56 · answer #4 · answered by zerotimeforfun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should move on with your life and find someone who is interested in you. A marriage can't be a one way street. It takes two to make it work. She is not leaving you much of a choice. You need to tell her how she makes you feel and see what she is willing to do about it. If her answer doesn't change then, find somebody who wants to be with you.
2007-11-15 02:16:00 · answer #5 · answered by jmc24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on. What kind of an example are you showing your children if you remain in this relationship? Move on and find someone that you can be happy with. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-11-15 02:33:03 · answer #6 · answered by Lorrie W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, for each of your sakes and the well being of the kids, y'all need to move on. Why stay in a relationship that's basically over? It benefits no one at this point...
2007-11-15 02:13:21 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't the term "deal with" sound like a punishment? I hate that! This is your life... you can live it for someone else, which does not make you happy. Or you can "feel" life & get on with it & enjoy it! You don't have to stop loving her... but you do have to love yourself to be able to find happiness!
2007-11-15 02:15:08 · answer #8 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a difficult situation to deal with, and I think you need to have a honest heart-to-heart discussion with her and make a tough decision. You need to find satisfaction with your life, and this clearly isn't working for you. If you don't get the things you need, there is no choice but to seek them someplace else.
2007-11-15 02:12:44 · answer #9 · answered by Steve C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do believe that it is time to move on, she is not worth your time if she's interested in women now. If my girlfriend all of a sudden changed to men i would leave her so fast. It probably a hard decision because you thinking of your children but don't worry about them worry about what you feel if you are ready to move, then do it.
2007-11-15 02:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by brianna s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋