Knowing a relationship isnt going to work and being pregnant, what do I do? 3 1/2 yrs now I'm ready for rings

Question

but he still says he is not ready. He was married once before and got a divorce, because he cheated. We have had a rough road, cheating (him), constant lying, his father passed, we had a house fire, and the list goes on. Bottom line, I make him my number one, showing him constant love and devotion, and he just seems like he will never be happy, no matter how hard I try. He left me in february of this year for a woman old enough to be his mother, and still works and talks to her everyday. Bothersome yes, but he claims it's over. So now I am pregnant and not really knowing what to do. I have a little girl from my past boyfriend, who I have had constant problems with. When I asked my bf what we should do, his answer was "your decision". So that tells me right there he is not overly concerned with our situation. Do I keep the baby and go through hell all over again, knowing we aren't going to make it, or do I try a different alternative. I love him, but love isn't enough any more

Ok, maybe knowing is the wrong word, maybe I should have said, thinking. Use to think that he did love me enough to work at it, but those thoughts are starting to fade out. Do I keep the baby, and keep up the fight? Or do I start looking our for me for a change. (Which I dont really do too much because I am so busy trying to put all my energy into my family).

BTW....we chatted last night and I brought up him going to counsling with me. I have been going for 6 months trying to work on my issues so I can be better for him and the kids. When I brought this idea up to him about going with me he rejected it within the first 5 seconds. Just flat out refused. So I asked him, if not to go for himself, then go to help me out, he still said no. So then I asked him, what if I need you to go to prove you are willing to work at this. And again, still said he wouldnt go. So when it came to counsling or out, I guess he is picking out. I DONT KNOW! Love Stinks! I guess the phrase "nice girls finish last" is true!

P.S. Thank you everyone for answering so quickly. All your answers were and are very helpful. I have more value for these answers then many of you may realize. Thanks again!

I just stumbled upon this answers thing this morning. I cannot believe all the support that I am receiving from complete strangers. It is amazing!!! I do not have ANY friends, due to my devotion to my family and my bf, but this makes me believe that there are truly great and caring people out there in this world. I wish I could find a place where I could go, that would make me feel this welcomed, loved, and comfortable. Anyone know of any local watering holes in se pa. LoL Just checking. But I truly do appreciate all your concern. Cannot thank you enough.

Answer 1

Wait, you know the relationship isn't going to work, but yet you're "waiting for rings"??? If you know it's not going to work, why would you want to marry him??? Move on!!

Answer 2

Sweetie, you sound like a very intelligent woman so I'm not sure why you are still with this guy. He cheated on his wife, the women he vowed to love til his death. And then he cheated on you....once might be forgiven...twice, shows a pattern in his character. Do you really want your daughter growing up with him as an example of the kind of man she should be looking for? You can do better. I know it's got to be a hugely difficult decision. But don't make this decision based on desperation or fear of being alone. People should never, ever be together for those reasons. After 3 years, he's had more than enough time to figure out how wonderful you are. He hasn't - so his loss. It really bugs me that he doesn't seem overly upset at the thought of you not being in his life. You need to find someone who will cherish you the way you cherish them, someone who will love you passionately and selflessly, someone who will be faithful and understands what that really means, and someone who is emotionally and financially stable. You're right sweetie - love is definitely NOT enough in this world. It would be nice if it were. But to make a r'ship work, you have to have much more than love. Goodluck sweetie.

Answer 3

It's one thing to love someone. It's another to love yourself enough to NOT be someone else's fool. I think he's already proven to you what he's all about, where his loyalties lie, and how committed he is to you (or not in this case). If you want your baby, keep it, and make him pay his part, but that does not mean you have to be with him. I think this relationship was over a while ago if you were waiting for him to marry you. He's telling you he's not going to in EVERYTHING he does. Why would you want to keep working so hard at something when clearly this guy doesn't give a crapola about you. You're convenient. You're there. You do things for him, but WHAT does he do for you? I'm really sorry, because I know how hard it is when you've invested so much time in a person, and you really do love them, and they do this to you. I also know the pain of having to force yourself to move on, but please know, that on the other side of the pain is a WHOLE NEW WORLD. There is someone out there that WILL want to be by you, marry you, have a family with you, value you, but for every moment you waste on this LOSER, is a moment you cheated your own self out of with a wonderful person that will know just how awesome you are, and treat you with respect! Move on, Honey. If you banded yourself with this man's ring, you'd be living a lie anyway, only to find out years later, you wasted your ONE life on someone that plays you. Better to hurt a few days now, than for a lifetime trying to make him be what he won't. Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to get out of this horrible relationship. That is one thing that is certain. You deserve to be treated much better, you have to respect yourself enough to know that. I have been in very similiar situation. I now have three children with all different fathers. But I am married to my youngests dad and we have a great marriage. My two other boys have crappy dads, they pay support but only see them when convientent for them and they don't participant in parenting decisions. But we are all very happy and the boys are 15 and 12 now. I would not trade them for anything. I had doubts about keeping my 12 yr. old when I was pregnant with him and left his dad. I am SO thankful now that I made the right choice. You can do this. My kids know that I am ALWAYS there for them and we have very good relationships. We have been through a lot together but has only made us closer. My family and friends had there doubts too but I would not give up on my kids. I am sorry you are dealing with so much, instead of being able to focus on a happy pregnancy. But know that it is possible and you and your kids will be ok, if you set your mind to it. Hope this helps. Email me at [e-mail] if you would like to chat. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Hey girl if he has cheated on you that should give you the sign to just walk away, No matter what has been going on he has commited the very very wrong and you should not let this go on, because let's just say that you have a boy, and you stay together and while your son is growing up and he sees what this man does to you, and your son sees you do nothing about then he will think that it is ok to treat woman badly, now let's say you have a girl if she sees you taking all of this and not making him earn your trust or that you take hime back everytime that he says oh I'm sorry wah wah wah then she will think that it is ok for herself to be treated like that when she starts to have relationships, so I what I say is sit down with him tell him hey I can not do this I need to know how you feel about me and everything that is going on and I also would like you to stop doing certain things and commit if you are not ready then I do not want to keep hurting myself and after you say this, make him see that you are serious and that you are not going to put yourself to keep getting hurt and also tell him that if he wants to work on things tell him that you would like to seek the help of a consouler so that way you guys can learn new ways and also so that way you guys can work through all the things that you both think that may be wrong or not right with your guys relationship GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

Whether or not you keep the baby is a personal decision, but if you do keep the baby it doesn't automatically mean your going to live a life of hell. You can start to make better choices, you can pretty much tell that in this moment he is not going to be a great father, so start planning now to do this on your own. You can take this time now and decide you are going to do better by you and your family(the kids) who are innocent in all of this! I know you raising a child or children alone is scary, but to me what is even scary is setting the wrong example. The example that its okay to be abused, emotionally, or physically is scarier bc the example that you set with your actions is the one they are going to follow. And I wouldn't want my kids to go thru this, so I won't set the example. Also, you need to scratch marriage, why marry someone that isn't even a good bf, and expect him to magically be a good husband, That is not even logical. I think that you really just want to have a wedding more than a marriage, and if that is the case you can have that too, marry yourself and your family!

Answer 7

What a sad situation! You continue to make excuses for him. If he were someone else's boyfriend & you were on the outside looking in, would you think this was a 'good' situation? Definitely not! Start making plans for you & your children. Cut all ties. You'll be lucky if he even notices you're gone. He is content with the relationship because you don't care about yourself, so he feels he does not have to care about you either. You already KNOW the truth about the relationship. The truth hurts, but it can also set you free. Good luck. I know you can make it just fine w/o him. Just remember that if you break up with him, don't be stupid & go back. First time, you're a victim, 2nd time, you're a volunteer!

Answer 8

Why are you with somebody who cheats on you and lies to you (and clearly he is a serial cheater--he cheated on his ex, he cheated on you, and he’ll cheat on the next one too)? And why would you want to marry someone like that?

You don’t have to stay with him in order to ‘keep’ the baby which obviously you know since you’re not with the father of your first child.

Personally, I’d leave him. In fact, I wouldn’t have taken him back after he left in February for another woman. But that’s just me. I’m real big on not allowing a man to (or anyone else) to walk over top of me.

I would have the baby, I’d keep the baby, and I’d be a mother to the baby. But, if you don’t want to do that, then put the child up for adoption. Do not abort this child because you made a mistake--one you should have seen (and I have no clue if you’re even considering abortion, but if you are…).

Answer 9

Wow all of this and you STILL want to marry this guy?!?!?!? He doesn't care about you the same way you care for him and IF you were to get married he wouldn't change. As for the baby your going to have, can you afford to keep this baby and your other child on your own? If not maybe you should consider giving the baby up for adoption. Many couples would love to welcome your little one into their home and give all the love and devotion that they have to that precious gift. Talk to someone in your area that you trust and talk out all the possible answers with them. Good luck.

Answer 10

Well the relationship doesn't sound like it's worth saving. So don't bother.

whether or not to keep the baby is your decision. If you do it will keep this man in your life for years. If not you'll be free of him but you might miss the baby and wonder what mightve been. It's up to you though.

Answer 11

this relies upon on how previous the two considered one of you're. once you're over 25 or so, right here information applies, yet while the two considered one of you're youthful, he merely could no longer be waiting to make this variety of extensive determination. some human beings get used to being in a dating to the factor that as quickly as they fall out of love (or while the butterflies of infatuation disappear and there is no love left in the back of), they do no longer do the honourable element and wreck up: they simply stay, through fact this is too plenty artwork to bypass on. particularly they are lazy and unmotivated to alter. while the significant different tries to get them to devote they alter into agitated through fact they do no longer desire to devote to Mr. or Ms. sufficient; they desire Mr. or Ms top. on the different hand, they do no longer desire to lose what they have. so they stall through fact they do no longer desire to place the artwork into coping with a exchange. What frequently happens, nevertheless, is that the guy who did no longer desire to alter and who does not devote exhibits somebody new top while they are dumped, then jumps into marriage. it particularly is frequently very hurtful for the significant different who waited years for a dedication and finally gave up: this is as though the dumpee is asserting, "It wasn't dedication i exchange into apprehensive of, it exchange into dedication with you". frequently it particularly is the case, yet understand that the dumpee is driving the waves of infatuation while he or she makes that determination, and that's no longer a sturdy base for a marriage.