what do u do in a situation like this?

Question

Why is it when ur married and YOU are unhappy its more important to make everyone else happy. Why can't YOUR family see that YOU know what is best for YOU not them. Why can't they just trust the fact that YOU know urself and YOU know what u want outta life. Why is it when u attempt to see what makes YOU happy YOU are the a**hole in it all. Why can't YOUR family or anyone else just be happy w/ a decision YOU may possibly make to make YOU happy. I'm sorry if this makes no sense as I am very upset right now and as u can see I obviously can't talk to my family about it so I have noone else :( What do u do in a situation like this? I'll tell u what I did. I just said screw it and I'm staying in my marriage becuz thats what everyone else wants. I'm vry close w/ my family (mom and sister) and to tell them to get lost or anything along that sort is not an option for I can't do that.

He can be the greatest guy in the world does that matter..just becuz hes possibly the greatest guy alive then I should stay w/ him...what about how u feel about him...what if u just knew all along u were unhappy w/ things and when attempting to change things nobody wants to hear it...Now I'm being told my levels are off?? I'm 31 my levels are not off...He has his flaws like I do ...he cheated 7yrs ago and I just don't believe I ever got past that but instead just closed up and did what everyone wanted me to do and that was to stay. Now being older I realize I married for the wrong reason...When people ask why did u 2 get married ...My reply is cuz he cheated and this way I get half of everything...thats not right and its not fair to anyone. OMG I dont know I'm sitting here right now balling my eyes out and trying to explain this to Yahoo I guess I am losing my mind..I'm sorry!

Answer 1

I know you love your family. No one can or should ever attempt to change that. In the beginning, the changes taking place are hard on everybody. You and your husband developed a routine. Your family fell into that routine. To change your routine means to change their's too. I sat here and read your question over and over and over. I told myself that I was not going to attempt to answer it because I know that my answers aren't always correct, politically or morally. I couldn't help it. Reading your words and seeing the pain displayed in them drove me to answer. At this moment in time, your family may not be willing to listen to you or what you are feeling, but there is someone out there that will. They will, eventually, accept any decision that you make. Someone should have tried harder to convince you that this is a decision that you need to make without any outside influence. Go stand in front of the mirror and have a conversation with yourself. Some feelings cannot be ignored. I am living, breathing proof of that. You have to go with your gut and say, "To hell with everybody else!" Someone once told me that only 30% of the world lived happily, while the other 70% were miserable. I disagree with that. We, as individuals, make the choice to be happy or not. You make the most of what you have, or you dwell on what you don't. There is a driving force in all of us that compels us forward. It sounds like you are fighting to stand still. Why anyone would choose to be in the 70% is beyond me. I do not and strictly refuse to accept that. I do not have an elaborate or extravagant life, but I choose to wake up every morning and smile. I am sure you remember mornings like that too. I am also sure that a few of those mornings weren't too long ago. I spent six years in the military where I learned to survive without any family around. I developed a sense of independence that I sometimes regret, but most times cherish. I can stand on my own two feet and say, "I am me. You are not. If you choose to be with me in my journey, then you will not tell me where to go. You will follow me wherever I decide to go. Why? Because you love me." A picture of your life is being painted. Who is holding the brush? My email and IM are always open. I am here if you need me.

Answer 2

Please e-mail me and I will tell you a little bit more about me and what I ultimately decided to do with my marriage. Maybe it will help. I ignored everyone's opinions and in my case, it did not work out for the best. When I realized that what they were saying may have been true, I went back to those people and asked them why. I decided to leave and get a divorce, well it was a hard decision to make because I still love him as a person, ultimately I am relieved because I removed myself from a situation where I was unhappy to give myself a chance to be happy. You have kids, they need to learn about happy, healthy relationships. They can see right now that you are not happy. They might have a hard time, but maybe leaving is what is best for everyone.

Answer 3

1. Happiness is so important in any facet in your life. I'm sure your family is meaning well but perhaps they don't realize how serious this is. Get to a counselor (i prefer you talk to a christian counselor) and get it settled about how you can be happy again. if its the marriage, an event that occurred, something in your/his past that dampened your happiness get to the bottom of it. It may not be the marriage thats at stake. My own happiness comes from within-if I have something on the inside bothering me it spills out usually as something else. Look to God and ask Him to take this burden of unhappiness off your shoulders. He says he will carry your burden for you. Don't ever dismiss your family because when the rubber hits the road - and I know- their the only one that will be there for you. If they make a critical mistake with that -again rest in God's care and know that He loves and cares for you just as you are right now! Email me if you like. I would like to talk with you further. Regina

Answer 4

hey this is a tough one but I know this story all to well, do what is best for you, do NOT let ANYONE tell you that you DON'T know what is best for you,
I was at that point about 5 years ago, but I looked at everything and seen that what everyone else was telling me that was GOOD for was in fact BAD for me,
So I took it upon myself to walk away from that and make my own way in this world, like if you have kids make sure that you make it easy for them to transitions but also make sure that you talk to them if they are old enough and explain to the kids this is what is best for all of us, also explain to them that it is not their fault and it will never be there fault no matter what anyone says or decides, not only that but did you guys try consouling if not try that first before you run to the courthouse for that divorce, and as for your mom and sis just let them down easy
Like say I appreciate that you guys want to help and give me advice that you think is good and that has worked for you guys but I have tried those things and it is not working for me so I think that I need to make this decision on my own but thank you for the help they will understand you better then

Answer 5

I had to do that with my mother a few months back. You can do it and not be rude about it.
All you can do is let them know that you will make your own decisions...period. Opinions are ok but when it gets to the point that you are living for everyone else's happiness, it gets to be too much. I think it's just human nature for a mother especially to want to continue to make decisions for her children. Once we're grown it's hard for our mother's to let go of that.
Honestly...if you don't strive for your own happiness, no one else will. Sit down with you mother and your sister and let them know exactly how you are feeling. They are your family and you shouldn't keep any feelings from them. They may get upset and be ugly to you but give it time. They will see that you mean business and you will end up a happier woman--trust me.

Answer 6

You should isolate those things which are making you unhappy and try to identify what it would take to change them or eliminate them. It may call for change in life-style, or the amount of time spent during certain things, or it could call for confronting the hubby and talking it out seriously and maybe even getting counselling.

Answer 7

If you husband is a good man and good to you then I dont see a problem. There are obvious circumstances that you did not include. But it is up to you to decide for yourself. Ask your family for support. If they feel that you have made a bad decision then it is not their responsibility to fix it its yours. They obviously care about you but you need to help them understand that it is your decision to make and only yours. Sooner or later you will know if it was a bad one or not. Until then there is nothing they or anyone else can do.

Answer 8

Dont be in something you dont want to be in. Im sure your famliy loves they will get over it. Your just wasting time. Eventually your gonna end up cheating trying to fill the void that is obviously missing. So do it the easy way or the hard. If you explored all options and cant live with that person whats the point?

Answer 9

You say, "why can't your family see that you know what is best for you," but I can't help but think that you probably also thought you knew what was best for you when you first married your husband. So either you were wrong then or you're wrong now. Your family is trying to encourage you to honor your wedding vows and stay through the tough times, because any relationship you're in is going to be tough at some point. Try not to take your frustrations with your marriage out on your family.

Answer 10

well this was interesting. usually its the spouse that wants to stay in the marriage and the parents, extended family whom wants you to get out. your case is opposite. I would do what you know is going to make yourself happy in the future.. be nice if we could live forever but we cant, so make the most of it. dont be happy with other people want for you. be happy for what you can do / create for yourself.